It was not quite a bad tonight, perhaps I am just getting used to them.
I know it started around 3am, just like the other nights, but tonight I think I managed to get back to sleep.
I did take a piss, but it did not seem to help at the time, but maybe it did.
I'm trying to assess how I feel, can't really say I feel physically 'strained' at the moment, but mentally there is something going on. Not sure it is giving me the focus I need right now, I seem to be obsessing with the chastity, reading about it looking at others, etc. Perhaps it is just the novelty of it. I do know that just writing this diary has now started to give me another hard on
I will use self control today once I have written this and I will not use the internet to look at porn, etc see if that helps. Also decided not to go out to the sex club tonight, it would be torture and silly to be honest. Until I get more comfortable in my chastity I will keep to myself for now. I do intend to go back to being a sex toy for others, i.e. getting fucked, oral, piss drinking, etc but there will be no sexual satisfaction for me. This is important, as a slave (which is what I want to be) should service his Master and not service himself.
I will be looking to find a Master soon who can then really control the keys and the slave rather than me just not knowing where they are.
It quite interesting getting my thoughts out in the open like this, and I hope my particular sexual perversions are not offensive for others. I'm just being honest and open
