[Nick0965] A Self-Locker's Confessional

[Nick0965]

To start at the beginning. I shared a bedroom with my (five year older) brother, and he taught me how to wank when I was about eight or nine years old. I suppose he found it easier for himself to have someone else in the room jerking off rather than having to keep it secret or go elsewhere, but I was an “early adopter” so to speak. I remember the days of the dry orgasm, and the momentary bliss and then a strange feeling behind my eyes when the full O took hold and nothing came out. I think I was eleven when my cock spurted spunk (as we used to call it then) for the first time.
I grew up in the country, and I rapidly discovered there were plenty of hidden places in the garden and in the fields and coppices around that a young boy could strip naked and play with himself. Naturism came easily to me, and I would often go “for walks” in the summer evenings where I could take all my clothes off, hide them under a bush and then walk about in the cool breezes, ending up with a massive jerk off session.

My parents divorced, and we moved from the countryside into the city. I did babysit for some of the neighbours. One day, my neighbour asked me to help her put up some curtains in her husband’s bedroom (they slept in separate rooms) and when up on top of the stepladders, I discovered his pile of “girly magazines”. Baby sitting took on a new lease of life after that as I could then “borrow” one or two magazines for the evening, jerk off, and make sure they were back on top of the wardrobe before she returned. This was early eighties, so the time when pubic hair was starting to be trimmed rather than the full seventies bush.

I suppose that losing my virginity was a proper highlight for me. Nothing else has ever really lived up to that singular event ever since. I was seduced by an older woman – thirty to my eighteen. We went into the countryside to photograph her recently restored classic car, and we had a picnic. The picnic turned into something else when she took her top off and was naked underneath. She suggested I must be hot and could take my top off too. Then she removed her skirt and sat there in just her skimpies. I then learned that she was completely shaven. Despite no prior experience, I was able to bring her to a number of orgasms with both fingers and tongue. Eventually, we ended up making love on a picnic blanket in the forest for the afternoon. But she was disappointed because I didn’t cum.

School continued, and eventually I went off to college. It was then I started felling unhappy with my body. Specifically, I really didn’t like my body hair. I was early twenties when I started experimenting with shaving my pubes. I had a car by this point, and would go off into the countryside where my college was and go looking for new spots to strip off, masturbate and revel in being naked in the open air.

Girlfriends and marriage came soon after. My wife was not a fan of my shaved pubes, so I was only able to denude myself occasionally, and suffer the consequences when I did. She was also only really interested in sex for baby making, and very uninterested in anything experimental. Oral in either direction was too far for her. I still had the same problem as when I lost my virginity. It was very difficult for me to cum. I either ejaculated almost immediately, or I didn’t cum at all. As my wife was desperate for a second child, this caused a real pressure on the relationship.

But my job took me away from home, and I was able to experiment further. I discovered naturist beaches in far flung Norfolk, and went for long lunchtime walks in Forestry Commission areas. I had a special “walk” bag in the back of my car – I could get changed out of my suit and into a pair of towelling shorts / t-shirt to get me away from the road and deep into the forest. Then I could strip off completely and do my walk / jerk off thing. The closest I think I ever came to getting caught was when I happened upon a couple having sex in the woods. They were so intent on what they were doing that they didn’t notice me.

I’d also taken up running, and really delighted in wearing the shortest, tightest running clothes I could find. I did have one running route from home that I could run to the local golf club (in the middle of one of the largest cities in England) and could do naturist running there at night without being seen by anybody. And then I could jerk off because I knew I wasn’t getting any other relief once I got home.

Divorce happened, and I moved back to my hometown. Not looking after the kids each evening gave me a load of free time, and I was able to rediscover my old haunts and my old ways. In my older age I’d got braver too. Now I would hide my clothes under a hedge and then cross the main road and go for long walks, three-or-four-miles round trip, hoping I wouldn’t meet any late-night dog-walkers. Closest I came to that was I think when I crossed over a railway bridge at about midnight and discovered a group of lampers hunting rabbits.

A few short-lived relationships, and then a second marriage happened. It was a really odd relationship in that she protected her own orgasms like they were precious. Nothing I could do could make her cum, and I prided myself on my ability to give women orgasms with my tongue. In short, it turned me into a very selfish lover. The irony being that she was the one person who could make me spew spunk for England. But I wasn’t enough for her, and she went off with someone else.

That left me all alone, again, just me, my cock and my right hand. I think it was about this time I first discovered my skin problem. Sometimes, when making love to my second wife I would get a pain on my shaft, and I then discovered blood coming from tears in my skin. I assure you I got myself tested for any STI and all the tests came back clear. But when I was by myself and self-pleasuring, I would sometimes get pain and blood. Abstinence was only possible occasionally, obviously I needed to let the wounds heal each time, and every so often I wouldn’t give myself enough healing time and the blood would come back. I discovered a healing anti-septic gel that sped up the process.

I think I read a porn story about chastity, at least I think that’s where I heard about it. But it got me thinking. If I can’t stop jerking off and damaging myself, how can I stop myself jerking off and damaging myself? Lots of internet searching later, and dismissing anything related to being controlled, or sissified, etc., I discovered lots of stuff about self-locking.

And that’s how I got to being self-locked, and the end of part one of this journey.

[denied_one]

Oh Nick!

What a wonderful first entry and background story as well as letting us in on your current locked status

I didn't know, ofc, that you are self locking.

With what looks to be a wife who isn't interested in key holding...

I understand where you are coming from when you suggest the fantastical ideas with regards to actual real life posters here who are fully engaged in the lifestyle!

I won't bother you with that anymore, friend!

Suggest and fantasize away!

[Tongue+groove]

Nick we have so many similarities. I used to love being naked on my grandparents farm. It was impossible to be naked without an erection. To this day I love to be naked in nature. I don’t get the air bath erections that I used to, but I do love my air baths as they occur naturally.

I only wish that nudity was more embellished in this country.

Thanks for your post, it took a lot to open up.