Negative effects on Relationship?

[CanuckInNJ]

Has anybody found their chastity kink negatively affecting their relationship with their S.O.?

Any break-ups, or walk-outs, or demands for sex therapy/couples therapy/psychiatric treatment?

[happilylockedman]

My experience has been very positive. My wife's and my relationship had been on a long slowly improving path when I introduced chastity over a year ago. Since then, my chastity has helped our relationship to reach new heights of intimacy. I have been far more open about myself and she has been receptive and accepting. She also has seen our improvement and sees and acknowledges the role that chastity has played.

She's supportive of my wearing the cage, but not insistent. I wonder what her reaction would be if I told her that I didn't want to be in chastity anymore. Probably she'd want to know why. She recently said how much she likes how cuddly I am when I'm caged and haven't had an orgasm in a while.

[Schnoff]

Any break-ups, or walk-outs, or demands for sex therapy/couples therapy/psychiatric treatment?

That hasn't happened to me - orgasm control has deepened communication, emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy in our relationship - and I can see it happening.

Walk-outs? Demands for sex therapy / psychiatric treatment? You've uncovered a faultline in the relationship about trust, maybe expectations, maybe base disagreements on how needs are being met. Maybe you never talked about needs and don't know your SO's needs. Those would be good to know about.

Couples therapy demands would likely stem from the same faultline, but now there's hope. With a good, kink-friendly therapist - insist on one - it's possible to work on showing feelings and vulnerability and know you'll each be heard. So now needs can be discussed, and wants. That can be a very rewarding, if work-intensive, path.

Break-ups -- that could always happen. If it's an ugly breakup, that's our friend the faultline again. And, any time needs or wants are discussed that have never been discussed before in a relationship, you run the risk of finding out you're incompatible. You were incompatible before, just now you know, and you might decide to break it up. No one's fault, you're just not a good fit.

As painful as that can be, I actually see it as a positive.

No matter what, I see a more open discussion of each other's wants and needs as a positive. Yes that makes you vulnerable and yes that's risky. That's where the added intimacy comes from by the way: I showed myself to you, honestly, vulnerably, and you accepted and embraced me as I am. How awesome. And that goes both ways, not just with your kinks and needs and wants, but theirs as well.

[locked4her55]

Our relationship was good before I introduced chastity. Now it's great. She has seen the change in me and she likes it. About 6 months into our experience I asked her if this was working for her and she replied, "YES, and we're not going back, why. . . you didn't want to stop did you?"

She's all about keeping me from myself.

[sirmebane]

Our relationship was good before I introduced chastity. Now it's great.

I'd have to echo this one. Being married for 20+ years is going to bring with it some elements of being 'tired' and maybe you get into ruts and taking each other for granted.

Chastity has removed my ability to satisfy myself and keeps me focused on her which is a great thing.

[wishful4]

Yep!! What sirmebane said!!

[jfenoffti]

No negative waves here. Our marriage and relationship are better than ever. Not because of "Male Chastity", but because of my paradigm shift. How I think about her. And how I think about us. That change in thinking, and resultant change in behavior, has improved our marriage and relationship. Not the fact that I play solitaire less. Chastity is the vehicle for change for us. YMMV. (Sorry, couldn't resist putting that in immediately after "vehicle". I'm so proud of myself. )

Seriously, somebody has to start the change. I knew if I said "I'll be more helpful if you ... (lock me up)." She'd rightfully say "Why can't you just be helpful and carry your own weight anyway? Why do I have to do something more to get you to do something you should've been doing already?"

Good point. So I avoided that and just started being a better husband and partner.

THEN I introduced chastity into the mix. So KH does not see the correlation that locking me up makes me better. She just knows we are better, and loves it. And we have some fun along the way. Bonus!

[Schnoff]

@jfenoffti That's powerful. Preach it, brother!

[jfenoffti]

@Schnoff Thanks. I said this once before here in the forum somewhere, but feel it's worth repeating. I like to think this is the one genuine contribution of real value and worth I can make here. All the other stuff is fluff and fun and opinion. And opinions are worth what you pay for them, but the above is based on real world experience, a few decades of maturity and some study of people in general.

Thanks again.
J

[fuzzydunlop]

Nothing that dramatic---but we've been together 21 years. Nothing---jobs, family, everyday life---isn't black and white. She's very open minded, but sometimes our sex life is on fire, and sometimes life gets in t

All that being said---we went to a sex therapist after 20 years, and it's added a new dimension for us. There is a very negative stereotype that therapy is only needed if you are in a crisis. We have a very kink friendly therapist who is quite a bit younger, and strongly encouraged us to try a few new things. Scenes have changed a lot over time, and we have had some pretty thrilling experiences.