Breaking the ice

[Keystone83]

So, I want to tell my boyfriend about my chastity.

I want to tell him how having my cock locked and how building up so much sexual energy is such a great feeling. I want to tell him how, after 4 or 5 days of not seeing or touching my cock I have this amazing rush that is constantly driving me.

I want to tell him how it effects my thoughts, feelings, emotions, and decisions all in positive ways.

The only problem, I don't know how to start the conversation... He is very subdued when it comes to sex beyond the "normal" vanilla stuff. I'm also not sure if he would be comfortable with me being locked for weeks at a time.

So far I've only gone 5 1/2 days in my HT2. I won't see him until this Sunday. At that point I'll have gone a full 7 days, my longest yet. I want to go longer, and I want him to know.. I want him to know that it's for him and myself.

I know the question has been asked many times, but anyone have advise on breaking the ice into a chastity conversation?

[GoddessRhea]

I'm personally the type of person who likes to offer reading material, because this gives people a way to understand something deeper while processing it without trying to have a conversation about it at the same time.

Then once they've read it, I answer questions they have and talk about what I want from it.

Now of course this will depend on your partner, but I'm sure you know what approaches will work best with him. For some people just sitting down and having a blunt conversation works. I know some people send emails.

I hope you're able to find a method that works for you, and that you're comfortable with. Best of luck!

[The Grinder]

I found that writing worked best for me. Writing things down helps me organize my thoughts and gives me time to think about what I want, how I feel and try to explain why I am interested in chastity and what I want from my partner.

As we know, there is a wild, wide range of things that make up chastity. It is likely what you have in mind when you say 'lock my cock' is not what your boyfriend is thinking. It isn't enough to send a 160 character tweet. I think you need pages of detail, links to pictures and helpful web sites. I must have written at least 5,000 words to my wife (plus pictures and links) and even then we took several conversations to get on the same page.

In your case, it sounds like you are more impulsive than your boyfriend. He will value getting the information ahead of time so he can figure out what he thinks / how he feels. Sending him an email or letter will give him that time. Even if it does test your patience.

The Grinder

PS The one thing you shouldn't do is nothing.

[TwistedMister]

Start laying the groundwork by indicating that you would like to experiment with being 'teased' for longer than usual, and have your orgasm delayed for a bit. Assuming that that is enjoyed by both, after a bit, indicate that you'd like to extend the time a little. Most people aren't against a little teasing of this sort and actually enjoy doing it, it's nothing 'unusual' and not particularly 'kinky'.

After a while, assuming that your partner enjoys teasing you in this manner to some extent, you can add in the idea that it might be fun if your hands were restrained, that your partner teases you for an even more extended time and makes the decision on when you will be 'allowed' to orgasm at some point after you are frantic for it. This is only a little bit kinky, and only a small, progressive step further. After a while you can add in other ideas, perhaps being restrained and required to give pleasure for a period of time while your pleasure is delayed, and that you are allowed orgasm only after your partner is satisfied with your performance and after some extended teasing.

It should be easy to see where I'm going with this. Gradual steps in the direction you'd like to go, eventually the idea of stronger methods of orgasm control will be a natural evolution.

[tqbartleby]

I agree--people's attitudes toward desire and sexuality tend to move very gradually. To you, a chastity device is the object of your fantasy and you're already used to it. You're impatient for your boyfriend to participate in a dynamic you've already prepared. For your boyfriend, though, it may well seem bizarre and uncomfortable if you spring the idea on him too insistently. Start where you are, i.e. (apparently) a vanilla sexual relationship and everything still to be gradually introduced and discussed. Be very patient.

But don't assume he will necessarily want to go along with it even when he's learned more about it, or that it will be a terrible, terrible thing if he doesn't. It sounds like you're not together on a daily basis, since you can go up to five days in your device apparently without his knowledge. Be aware that your using the device on your own, but with his awareness, may be the way it ends up--and that's fine. Really, if you can use it and talk about it and not have to hide it from him, that's already a huge step. When I first told my wife about some of my kinks, years ago, she was surprised and not really into it. But it became something we could talk about, joke about, tease about. It changed my life to have it out in the open between us, even if it wasn't entirely shared. And things did develop in the way I had hoped, but it took years.

Maybe one way to start the incremental process is to tell him that you want to have orgasms only with him. It's a romantic declaration, really. Tell him that when he's not around, you'll save it for him. And then tell him how hot it makes you feel to be aroused and anticipating and not going any further. As Mr. Twisted said, step by step...

[TwistedMister]

...To you, a chastity device is the object of your fantasy and you're already used to it....

Rather than being an object of desire, the device should be a means to an end. It's not the device itself, it's the concept that it represents- being teased/aroused, kept horny, control of pleasure/orgasms being ceded to another and the power exchange that it involves. The concept can be developed without the device, which is later included as an extension and enhancement that is a more tangible element of control.

[tqbartleby]

Good point. I should have said "a key element of your fantasy". The ceding of power/authority/control is the real end of that particular fantasy, and as you say, that end can be reached in a variety of ways, idiosyncratic for each couple.