Advice for new keyholder

[temnyandel]

Hi,

I am a relatively new key holder and could use some advice on how to handle a few situations.

To give a little context, my partner and I are both quite extroverted and independent. From the outside, we look like 2 doms. In our private life, he is submissive, but not in the classical sense. He likes to be denied, teased and restrained, but he's not into serving. I'm quite giving naturally but somehow make a horrible submissive. The perfect role for me is the Mommy type mistress - firm but loving and nurturing.

The first challenge I'm having in chastity with him is that because he's so dominant in real life, even more so than me, I struggle to make him put on the cage when he's not in the mood. I back down quickly. Once he does, he's incredibly happy he did - then wonders why I didn't push him into it sooner. I need some advice on how to enforce chastity when he's not in his submissive mode. I created a contract for him today and I'm hoping this will help. Any ideas around this would be appreciated.

Second, has anyone experienced that wearing the cage makes them moody? I find that he's incredibly aroused while wearing it but by about day 3-4 he gets moody. He can be snappy and I'm struggling on how to respond to him in this state. I don't want it to turn into a situation where I feel hurt by his moods and then chastity isn't fun anymore. How can I be supportive and help him through this moody time?

Finally, I struggle to put the cage on. I can take it off of him but putting it on is hard! I am worried about hurting him and by the time I try for 10 seconds, he's too hard for me to push it on. How did other people get around this???

I am really looking forward to any responses!

Thanks!

[HisDuty]

Oof, there's no way KH could get the cage on me. If I'm not completely limp, it's not going on.

[Michele]

First of all... 90% of the time it is HIS job to put the device on for me! It shows his submission to me by doing ass I ask. I wouldn't bother with you trying to put it on... that's just a hard on waiting to happen lol

Second... I just recently did a post with Tom Allen about real life in the cage... check it out, it might help with figuring out the moodiness.

And you really need to set yourself a start date/time and tell him to put it on, no arguments. He'll love it if you do it and don't give into whining. It gets easier the more you force yourself to be strong. Perhaps you could just have a sign/symbol that tells him it's time to put it on... I know someone who uses a folded pair of panties in a particular place to show it's time for wearing the device. So something set on the dresser or kitchen counter and then you aren't the one saying put it on and having to listen to him whine about not wanting to or procrastination.

Put it on or spank him lol after a few times he'll get it on straight away

Good luck!

[locked4her55]

I agree with what Lady M and HisDuty have said. There is no way my wife wants to put on my device. Heck, sometimes it's a struggle for me to get my balls through the base ring.


As for this:

And you really need to set yourself a start date/time and tell him to put it on, no arguments. He'll love it if you do it and don't give into whining. It gets easier the more you force yourself to be strong. Perhaps you could just have a sign/symbol that tells him it's time to put it on...

When I am let out she places the padlock on top of my dresser. When it's left in the up position I am allowed my freedom. When she places the lock on it's side it's telling me that my opportunity to have an erection is over and my Watchful Mistress is to go back on immediately.

[Tame Lion]

Mrs. Lion and I have been doing this almost six months. She struggled with getting the cage on me at first, but in a few on-and-off cycles she got very good at it. Much better than me. I get moody and grumble at about six days. Mrs. Lion has learned to laugh at it. She didn't like it at first and frankly, I didn't even realize I was doing it. She's written quite a bit about that on our blog.

From my perspective, a deal is a deal. I asked to be locked and my mood is irrelevant. If he makes it too hard to get him back in his cage, then maybe just tell him that you won't lock him up any more unless he helps you. My guess is that he will. I am a very dominant male. I was a BDSM top/master for decades. Mrs. Lion has had to learn to handle me.

The mommy top is a delightful role and works perfectly with chastity. For example, if he gets on your nerves with his bad mood after a few days, a simple, "If you don't stop being grumpy right now, you will be locked up another week." Say it sweetly with a smile. I'll bet it works.

[temnyandel]

Wow, thank you so much for all the great advice! I definitely don't feel so bad about not being able to put it on him. I think I'll practice some more but if it doesn't work, then he'll just have to do it himself.

One other challenge we have is that we live 2 hours apart - he travels for work a lot so we usually see each other for 2-3 long weekends per month. Has anyone else had experience with long distance chastity?

We do a lot of online chat during the times we aren't together.

We've been trying to schedule the chastity cycles for times when we're apart and then reward time when we're together. This seems to be working ok so far.

I would love any suggestions for ways to keep it fun and interesting when we can't physically be together.

Thanks again!!