Collar - flr/wlm

[Oldtimer]

Posts like this make me wish we had "upvote" or "like" buttons.

In living this lifestyle I have learned first hand, how many women are scared off from it after reading some of the websites devoted to it. I know that my wife was and told me that she did not want a husband who was a wimpy slave. She wanted the strong and protective husband she married and loved and wanted to still make the important decision jointly. She took over some areas that I was having problems with and that worked out real well. Heck, she got us out of credit card debt by controlling my obsessive spending.

My wife's major fear, and it was a big fear, was that I was dumping the decision making process on her and that she would make bad mistakes, not being as knowledgeable in certain areas as I was. I explained that we are not going to live like she read about online where the wife makes all decisions and orders her husband around. I told that we still will express our own opinions and like before, try to come to a joint decision but if we could not reach a consensus, she had final say. That still frightened her but I explained that no matter what her role in our relationship was, I would never let her make a decision that would damage our relationship or lives. I gave the example of not allowing her to make a left turn, no matter how certain she was that it was the correct direction to drive in, if I knew we would go over a cliff just because she had final say. That made her feel a lot better. Some FLR websites seem more like masturbation fodder and efforts to sell books to men in the hope that they will give it to their wife to read to turn them into Dominatrices.

I must say that it has improved our lives. Sure, if you are sexually submissive there is an erotic element in a FLR but it is not the reason for it. Our sex life is not influenced by our FLR. We continue to do what we always did. Nothing in that area has changed. If my wife wants to be the submissive one some nights, that is what she is.

[Oldtimer]

Oldtimer, I completely agree and the only reason I didn't add the D/s to my post was because it looked ugly with all that in the title haha

I hope that I didn't make it seem like flr/wlm & D/s had to be together... hubby and I had a pretty vanilla wlm before getting into chastity and some of the other things we found we like. So nothing at all HAS to go with anything.

Welcome, again btw

No problem. I just wanted to clarify things because my wife got frightened by what she read about it and a few people we know stayed clear of it thinking that it had to involve D/S games. Many of us know couples where it is obvious that the woman wears the pants in the family. They may not label it but they are in FLR.

I live in a retirement community so a lot of guys have medical problems and the woman has to take over running their lives. They are in a FLR also. It happens naturally and I had been it one before but did not know it was a fetish or kink. Try living with two women and you are outvoted most times.

[Oldtimer]

We use a wedding band to represent our relationship just like all married people do, regardless of who leads the marriage. I tried to put a collar on my wife when we got married and I ended up sleeping on the couch.

Seriously though, most submissive men are dominant outside of the home. I have met a few women who wore fashionable collars but never a man outside of a fetish or sex gathering. Men with a lot of experience with women know that most are submissive for various reasons. A truly dominant woman is very rare as witnessed by the many posts from guys who cannot understand why they cannot find a woman to abuse them online or in person. Here is a little secret, many professional Dominant women are submissive in bed once they are off the clock. Not many women are attracted to men who have the opposite characteristics that make a good mating partner. It is a genetic thing. That is why nerds do not date a lot and jocks do.

I am not putting down collars as I have a nice one with a metal loop to attach a leash too. However, it is used to indicate my surrender to my Mistress and once off, we are again equals or she is submissive to me in real life. As one woman told me when I was young and asked about wearing a collar outside of the house, we both know you are sexually submissive so why the need to advertise it to straight people or those who can care less? Plus it was my fantasy, not hers. Pro Mistresses are another matter but you are basically topping from the bottom since you are paying someone to do the things you want her to do to you.

I was young once too so I know what goes through the mind of young men. In the end, do what floats your boat as long as it does no harm. However, a word of caution to you young guys; you never know what life brings you. In the future, those pictures of you with a collar or posts that you make, can come back to haunt you if you find yourself running for a political office as happened to a good friend of mine. Those tats that seemed cool and popular at 21, not so much at age 40. My point is to be careful what you do in public just to satisfy your fetish. I posted a nude picture of my wife about 30 years ago and it is still around as are the posts I did before the web. Luckily I cropped my wife's picture so that you could not see her head. If not, it would be very embarrassing to her now that she is older.

[Michele]

Ok so I thought I would update:

I just went and got a basic leather collar because I needed to see what it was like... first very uncomfortable BUT sexy ass hell to see hubby naked in cuffs and a collar... but not so sexy I have to keep him in it.

I will say that just looking at him in it like that, feeling it and thinking about what it means made me spontaneously orgasm with no touching... it was crazy! I'm sure I'll have a whole post to write about this on my blog lol I'm actually getting quivers while sitting here thinking about it.

BUT for now, unless we can find something more comfortable we will just use the cuffs as our symbol to play... I will be looking around for something softer, or more comfortable so any suggestions would be great.

Thanks again for the conversation guys!

[ME's_hubby]

Oh, and, for real? The pet store? Lol oh my... interesting!

Like all things, the minute it is associated with a "life style" or a hobby the price goes up.

Walk around any yacht chandlers or aircraft or equestrian suppliers and the price is many times what it is for the "same thing" in the local DIY hardware store....

BDSM type collars tend to have extra loops etc for futher bondage and restraint but a dog collar is a good option

I thought it was a sexshop with that name...

[freespirit]

A few years ago my keyholder took me to a pet store and bought me a collar and a leash. Since I am retired, I am expected to be naked with my collar and leash and kneeling at the door when she comes in. She then takes my leash and lead sme into the bedroom while she changes. The collar is like an engagement ring to a woman except it represents that I am her property and that my penis and how and when I use it is also hers. She sits there on Saturdays and occasionally looks up as I do the housework, wearing nothing but my collar. This excites me and pre cum is always dripping down my leg. When giving her oral sex, she uses the leash to adjust where she wants my mouth, and pulls me in tight when she is ready to cum. She also sits in her chair and watches tv with her hand dangling down over the side of the chair. She makes a fist and then opens it up so my penis slides in betweeen her fingers and thumb. She gives me just enough room to work me penis in and out by thrusting my hips, so as to make love to her hand, not her vagina. AS my pre cum flowes and I start breathing loudly she turns up the volume on the tv and ignores me. I must ask or should I say beg to cum. Once given permission I must lick her hand clean and the floor. Always after this my chastity device is immediately put back on. I like the collar, it showes me who I belong to - my keyholder.

[CagedLuvMonkeh]

Those of you in a female led relationship or wife led marriage, does your wife/kh make you ever or require you to wear a collar?

Have you ever worn one? I'm curious about the whole reasoning or motive behind it... anyone?

We have a FLR and I'm required to wear a collar all the time at home, and sometimes out as well. She picked it out for me....a stainless steel one that matches my cage, it has a ring on the front and an M cutout on the back (Her Initial) She likes the control as well as my willingness to wear it for her (Much like the CD) aside from that she enjoys how it looks on me....Oh, it also serves as a GREAT handle for her, as she works her strapon

[kinkyconsumer]

I've played with collars for many years...both wearing and my partner wearing. When I had a 24/7 slave, she wore a very pretty silver necklace with a silver lock. People sometimes asked about it. If they did, she explained her devotion to me. It didn't come off in 10 years.

For me, it has always been a dog collar from PetSmart. I found that no matter how soft, I couldn't sleep in it. We ultimately used it to signal her-in-charge play ( we switched -- not my slave. Other people before and after). I really liked that. As long as that collar was locked on, I was her toy. All she had to do was put the collar on the bed to make me hard. We had a rule (for me because I like it) that I could not wear clothes in the house (no kids at home, so no problem). It made the fact that I liked the collar very obvious. I really like power exchange and off and on over the years I have enjoyed being a bottom. He's a lucky monkey.

[mrfelix]

A collar is great for what you have in mind. Don't forget the leash to go with it.
Being collared is a very submissive feeling. Simply being told to go change and only a collar laying, waiting for him on the bed to wear and he would know what to expect.
Also, I don't know if you are into this, but laying out a pair of panties for him to change into, and a paddle or tawse would leave a strong message that tonight is MY NIGHT.

[Michele]

Hey mrfelix,

Thanks, yeah the reason I wanted the collar is because in not into panties and stuff... so I needed something just to symbolize the submission.