A Journey into Chastity

[CaptivatedCaveman]

Wet towel warning here. Move on if you're not up to that--honestly, I should just not weigh in on such things.

No, no. That's exactly what I need. I know how easy it is to get lost in the fantasy, lose perspective, and then have the whole dream come crashing down. I want to make this work. In my first two posts I was indulging my feelings of joy at what we are doing. A brief moment of exultation at reaching the summit of a mountain. Then of course it's time to continue on the trail and where does it lead in the distance? To yet another mountain to climb.

So yes, I know that now the hard work begins. I expect that not all my storytelling-style posts will be as hot as the initial ones, but I promise that they'll be honest.

Words like "journey" are pretty common in missives from folks newly introduced into chastity

Yeah, I can see that. I almost titled the thread, "And so it begins..." but I doubted many people would get the Babylon 5 reference.

I'm okay with "journey" though. In much the same way that your priest, rabbi, etc., might refer to your marriage as a journey as he/she officiates the wedding. A time for joy and celebration, but also a commitment to face the challenges ahead together.

Sometimes I wonder if the fervor to profess belies an override of conflicted desires.

It's funny - I was just thinking about something along these lines last night. We all have conflicting desires. In my case, I can give into my purely physical desire for sex and feel unsatisfied on some deeper psychological or spiritual level, or I can accept my desire for submission to my wife and relinquish my free access to sex. Considering that I've long felt unhappy with the former, I think I'm ready to embrace the latter. Only time will tell.

I'm planning on continuing to share my experiences, although this week is a little crazy so I don't know when I'll get to craft another segment. We have a friend visiting from out of state today and then my wife and I are vacationing with other friends this weekend. Very busy, much to do.

BTW, my wife has joined the forums using the handle, "imalmostalwaysright" which is an eerily accurate description of her. She's planning on posting in the keyholder's thread, but considering she's even busier than I, I'm not sure when that'll be.

[CaptivatedCaveman]

Didn't think you were fishing for responses.

Almost forgot to address this. Yes, I guess my insecurities were showing a little. I'm normally a very private person, so opening up like that is a big deal for me. The, hopefully reliable, anonymity of the internet certainly helps.

I'm not looking for the adulation of the crowd or anything, like some attention hungry star looking to be showered with roses. It was more a matter of wanting the reassurance of being accepted and understood. At some point I'll have to recount how I got into BDSM, and all the mistakes I made along the way as I stripped away society's preconceptions of who I was supposed to be.

[TwistedMister]

Almost forgot to address this. Yes, I guess my insecurities were showing a little. I'm normally a very private person, so opening up like that is a big deal for me. The, hopefully reliable, anonymity of the internet certainly helps.

I'm not looking for the adulation of the crowd or anything, like some attention hungry star looking to be showered with roses. It was more a matter of wanting the reassurance of being accepted and understood. At some point I'll have to recount how I got into BDSM, and all the mistakes I made along the way as I stripped away society's preconceptions of who I was supposed to be.

No problem, I understand all too well.

Interesting that you mention recounting 'how' you 'got into BDSM', I've been thinking of the same thing myself and was pondering starting a thread to see what factors might have influenced various members (pun not originally intended ). In my case, I have a vivid recollection of something that was influential, from when I was far too young to understand the ramifications of just exactly what it was.

[CaptivatedCaveman]

Here I thought I wouldn't have any time to post again this week. One of the nice things about MC is it wakes you up early. So I have a few extra minutes.

Nothing hot this time I'm afraid, just practical concerns. So I first went in Saturday night and was released Monday night, 48 hours in total. The first day my pain level was a 0, with an occasional 1 if I moved or sat the wrong way. The second day started off with 1 as the baseline level of discomfort, occasionally climbing to 2, again only when moving or sitting the wrong way. As the second day progressed the discomfort went down, back to the first day's levels. Still, to be safe we took it off that night to let my skin rest.

We were going to put it back on Tuesday night after a 24 hour break, but as we examined my scrotum we found that a line of skin had been rubbed raw by the bottom half of the base ring. I was a little surprised as I hadn't experienced anywhere near the kind of pain I felt when this happened with the CB3000.

Still, it was tender to the touch and dry skin was flaking off the edges so we decided to wait another 24 hours. We re-examined the skin last night and it looked better. A little pink perhaps, but intact. I went back in and slept comfortably. I should mention that I'm applying Lubriderm generously to my skin at regular intervals (I'm not a fan of the silicone stuff).

I woke up this morning with the typical pain of denied morning wood. A little more Lubriderm and things settled down. I would say I am in a little bit of discomfort at this point, maybe a 1, but doing fine. I don't think I'll try for 48 this time though. I can feel that I'm probably pushing slightly too hard. I'm thinking maybe trying 24 hours in, 24 hours out. The same overall time in chastity but broken up into smaller shifts.

I'm pretty sure that the discomfort I'm experiencing is normal and not a sizing issue with the CB6000s. Still, I'd appreciate a second (and third and more) opinion(s). I'm wearing the base ring with an internal diameter of 1.75 inches with the smallest spacer. When I've worn a cock ring of the same size my testicles would pop out when I bent to tie my shoes, so I think that part is fine. The spacer I'm a little less certain of, but as it's the only thing securing things I'm loath to go bigger.

Overall the device is a better fit for me than the CB3000. When in a flaccid state my cock either fills out the tube perfectly or retracts by perhaps a centimeter from the end and is easily slid back to the opening for urination by simply pressing the cage firmly against my body.

Psychologically it's been an interesting experience. Even without the cage on I've been able to mentally coast along the same headspace, although it was a relief to be back in. People are stirring upstairs so more on that next time...

[Atone]

Make sure there are no rough spots on the ring. I had a solid ring for my CB3000 that needed to be sanded down and polished because it irritated like you describe.

I have become a big fan of using hand lotion instead of other lubes but I still find using less (only what is necessary) is better. If you use too much it doesn't allow the skin to toughen up, you want a little of that.

[CaptivatedCaveman]

I had a solid ring for my CB3000 that needed to be sanded down and polished because it irritated like you describe.

I know diddly squat about sanding and polishing. Can you give me a primer on what grades of sandpaper to use, what to use for polishing, tips/technique, etc.?

I can't tell you how much I appreciate having a community for advice and support. Thank you.

[Whizbang]

I have become a big fan of using hand lotion instead of other lubes but I still find using less (only what is necessary) is better.

Concur.

[Atone]

I know diddly squat about sanding and polishing. Can you give me a primer on what grades of sandpaper to use, what to use for polishing, tips/technique, etc.?

I can't tell you how much I appreciate having a community for advice and support. Thank you.

I used my dremel tool to polish it using a cloth wheel and buffing compound. I probably used the dremel to sand it too but don't remember for sure.

[CaptivatedCaveman]

"Be careful what you wish for..."

Those were the words my wife said to me as she locked me back up this past Sunday night. She knows just what to say to push my buttons and has been taking great delight in playing teasing mind games with me.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. There's some hot sex to share this time, after a little catch-up. Well, maybe more than a little. Bear with me.

I haven't had an orgasm since that lovely bout of morning sex I wrote about previously, which occurred - a week and a half ago, I think. In addition to adapting physically to the chastity device I have found myself adjusting mentally as well. Even when I'm not in any discomfort I'm always aware of the device. I find myself in a continual state of low level arousal, like a quiet background hum. It's a sensation I'm finding extremely pleasant.

Even the occasional ache hasn't been bothersome. I find it provides me with a sort of mental focus. I feel sharper, more alert and surprisingly, more calm. There's a phenomenon that happens to human beings, maybe to animals too, when their diet is just below the level needed to feel sated. The body goes into a heightened state, I guess you could call it a kind of "hunter mode", in order to optimize the chances of securing prey. I've been wondering if the denial of orgasms produces the same response. Maybe the body is incapable of distinguishing one kind of hunger from the other?

Whatever the cause, I like what it does to me. I find myself being far more attentive to my wife, more patient with my children and far less angry when things don't go my way. There is an argument I've come across about these reactions that questions why we men can't be like this without being locked up. And no doubt there is room for some debate on that point. But let me toss out a counter-argument.

We human beings do things all the time to adjust our moods and behaviors. We may use coffee to get going in the morning, exercise and lose weight in order to boost our energy, or take anti-depressants to adjust our moods. The fact is we do things all the time to help modulate our behavior. What material we read or view, the people and environments we surround ourselves with all make a difference.

So it really isn't surprising that using something to help regulate our sexual needs has a profound effect on our behavior as well. It isn't cheating. No more than someone wearing a religious symbol is cheating by reminding themselves of the code of conduct they have set for themselves. Or a wedding band. Symbols have power for people. And a chastity device is, among other things, definitely a symbol. One that gives a very direct and constant reminder of the commitment one has made.

The important thing is this: wearing a chastity device is a deliberate and conscious choice. It is just as real and voluntary a statement as putting on a wedding ring and binding yourself to another person. In either case you still have the power to break your commitment should you so choose. All claims of devices being escape proof to the contrary, the real cage you're making is in your own head. The chastity device is merely an outward reminder.

Okay, enough navel gazing. I'm sure most of you are more interested in the naughty bits.

I wore the chastity device for 24 hours, from Wednesday to Thursday of last week before removing it for the weekend. My wife and I went on a short vacation in Northern New England with some very close friends. This has been the first trip since our honeymoon without children along. The couple who watched them for us are also good friends - we take turns having our kids and theirs sleep over at each other's homes regularly so that each couple can get a break. But this was the first time that we've tried it for over 24 hours and with an actual trip.

Anyway, the vacation was delightful. Saturday morning my wife woke me by stroking my cock through my pajamas. She tickled the sensitive area under the head with her fingertips, stroked the shaft with her palm, then flicked her fingers up and down the shaft like a miniature riding crop. Not for very long, though. Just enough to get me squirming and moaning softly. Just as the sensations were growing intense enough to make my breath catch, she stopped.

We got up and spent the rest of the day relaxing with our friends. Cooking breakfast together, lunching at a fine restaurant, and then taking in a movie. After that it was back to our friend's vacation home for a barbecued steak dinner and conversation. One couple announced their first pregnancy. A card game and another movie later and the night was over.

Sunday morning I woke up first. This time it was my turn to wake my wife. Even when I'm not wearing the device, our love-making has become a much more sensual affair. Before I could do more than spend a few minutes caressing her she rolled me onto my side and spooned me from behind. She reached around and once again grabbed my cock through my pajamas. She gave it the same treatment as before, only this time finishing by stroking my shaft up and down very fast, only stopping with my first audible gasp.

We stopped long enough for me to catch my breath and for a quick brushing of teeth (this is reality here, not fantasy). My mouth lingered at her lips a while before slowly working its way along her neck, to her breasts, and then between her parted thighs. The one challenge was bringing her to orgasm without either of us making enough noise to alert our friends in their adjacent rooms. But we did it.

We had one more communal breakfast together before we all packed up our things and headed out, cramming ourselves into two cars and carpooling home. Just before entering our home state we pulled into a large liquor store for bathroom breaks and tax free alcohol. We all roamed the aisles separately. At one point my wife strolled past me and nonchalantly said, "when we get home I'm going to stroke your cock until I get one drop of cum. Then you're going back in your cage."

She didn't wait for a response, just continued casually strolling through the store. All of a sudden getting home became much more urgent. Butterflies of anticipation bounced around in my belly for the remainder of the trip.

We got home and said goodbye to our friends. We still had two hours before we had to go get our kids. We had the house to ourselves. My wife had already showered that morning, but I needed one. So while she relaxed I went and got cleaned up, making sure to shave off the stubble I'd allowed to grow around my privates while we were away.

We cuddled naked on the bed and took our time exploring and touching each other's bodies. Just getting to do this in daylight is a novelty these days. I asked here what she wanted, to which she replied, "the usual" and pulled out the magic wand.

"The usual" is probably a bit of a misnomer. She actually gets onto a particular kick for a period of time before deciding to switch to something else. For now "the usual" is her on her belly grinding herself against the wand. Other times its been us fucking doggy-style, or me using a rabbit pearl vibrator on her while she squirms against its movements with enough force to make the motor whine.

I lay a towel under her hips and position the vibrator. I turn it on and her hips begin their gyrations. Slowly, tentatively at first but growing stronger with steadily building arousal. I kneel between her legs and once again plant my tongue against her tight little asshole. I lap at it a little more aggressively this time. She's really squirming now.

It's funny how you can repeat the same actions but notice different things at different times. This time what drew my attention was how her buttocks closed on my face each time she clenched her muscles. As her arousal built her ass tightened, enveloping my face in two delicious globes of flesh. In those moments I couldn't breath, I couldn't see. All I could do was feel and taste her.

She came very fast. I guess I wasn't the only one feeling pent up desire. Most of the time my wife feels like she has to stifle her orgasms when the kids are around. She can get pretty loud when she lets herself go. This time she didn't have to hold back. And I got to ride her shuddering hips with my lips all the way to the finish.

As she lay there spent I moved up until I was holding myself over her. My cock dangled just above her now well lubricated ass.

"May I?" I asked. She gave a low moan which I took as assent and lowered the weight of my body onto her. My cock came to rest between her ass cheeks. After lying still like that for a little bit she rocked her hips up and down a few times, giving my shaft a few strokes. I shifted slightly and my cock slipped out from between her ass cheeks, and now angled down toward the bed, its upper surface pressed against but not penetrating the wet slit of her pussy. She continued moving her hips a little longer, feeding my hunger to be inside her. Small sounds of amusement escaped her lips.

"That's enough," she said, coming to a stop. "Up on your knees."

I rose up onto my knees by the foot of the bed, but I must have moved stiffly or winced because she remembered one of my knees was giving me trouble and had me lie back instead. She sat cross-legged between my parted legs, letting them wrap around her hips.

And then she began stroking me.

"Remember," she said, "I'm only going to milk one drop of cum out of you. Then you get locked back up." She began stroking my cock in earnest.

"I wonder if I can get my drop without using lube," she mused. I'm a bit lucky here in that, unlike many men, I don't generally leak pre-cum. I have to be just shy of orgasm for anything to leak out, so I knew I was in for a ride.

I should also mention that my wife really knows how to use her hands. It didn't take her long to make my body dance uncontrollably to her rhythm. Sometimes she stroked fast, sometimes slow. Sometimes with a feather-light touch and other times tightly.

Occasionally she pulls the flesh of my cock taut with one hand at the base while she moves the other. She slaps my balls back and forth, or up against my body. Every once and a while she'd point my shaft towards my feet and run her fingers or palms over the sensitive tissue on top of the head. I had to grip the rail of the footboard with both hands to keep from involuntarily squirming away.

I'm watching her as she does all this, making eye contact. I have had a tendency in the past to close my eyes in these moments and lose myself in fantasies of femme fatales who provide ecstasy with a terrible price. Like the succubus fantasies, the demoness who gives unearthly pleasure at the cost of one's life. Or being a prisoner on an island of amazons and being milked along with other men at their annual feast. Whoever comes first becomes dinner (Okay, that one is rather dark. Enough to disturb my wife. For me the scene always fades to black before the icky stuff happens).

But now, as I look at her, I realize she has found a way to make the fantasy real. I have to resist orgasm. Not because of some fictional horrific end, but because now there is a very real price. The moment I lose myself in the pleasure she will stop touching me and I'll go back in my cage. I think it's the most erotic, most exciting moment of my life. My cock is harder and more engorged than it's been in a decade. Maybe two.

I can't keep my eyes off her. I tell her what she's doing to me. How much I love her. She smiles. Every once and a while she stops, teasing me. "Is that a drop of cum I see? No. Not yet."

She reaches for the lube. "You've managed to avoid cumming so far. I'm impressed," she says. So am I. It wasn't easy. She has a wicked gleam in her eyes as she slathers my cock in Astroglide. She knows how it amplifies her touch. "There's no resisting now," she teases, "you'll be dripping for me soon."

She resumes her stroking and puts me through the roof. My higher cognitive functions begin to shut down as her fingers dance across my flesh, playing a symphony on my nerve endings. I begin to babble incoherently. I can't remember half of it now, but I go on about wanting to be denied orgasms forever, to be her property for the rest of my life. How I can't wait to renew our vows in another year. How I'd remarry her every year if I could. She owns every inch of me.

And soon, far sooner than I'd like, I can feel something boiling inside me. That inevitable slide toward release begins. I try as hard as I can to hold it back, but like a roller coaster beginning to drop I can feel myself accelerating to the end. My cum is moving inside me. I can actually feel it travel the length of my cock.

I let out a long, low moan as a few drops of milky liquid make their way out of my body and dribble onto my belly. And in that moment, as she promised, she lets go and the ride is over. It's not even a ruined orgasm. I didn't have an ejaculation. No rhythmic pulsing contractions as I spurt into empty air. No, nothing but the first dribble, a brush with ecstasy and it's over.

A perfect moment. The pleasure and the frustration course through me. I ride the wave of sensation, unresisting. Physically and emotionally, I've never felt better.

We lie in the bed together as I cool off and lose my erection. We put the chastity device back on. It takes a little extra effort this time. As she clicks the lock shut, and with a deliciously wicked smile, she says the words that send a shiver down my spine:

"Be careful what you wish for..."

[CaptivatedCaveman]

It's been a mostly challenging week, but now that I've reached the end of it things are looking up.

After a very pleasant vacation which ended on a high note, my wife and I were unceremoniously dumped back into the real world. She was hit with a huge pile of work that kept her in the office late for most of the week and for some reason our kids decided now was a good time to repeatedly piss each other off, casting yours truly in the role of the United Nations in some never-ending Third World conflict.

Joy, O' joy.

In my previous posts I had talked about the greater sense of calm and peace I've been feeling. I should point out that even as I experienced these feelings, another portion of my mind has watched my responses dispassionately, questioning their permanence. "Be careful," I say to myself, "this could all be the endorphin rush of something new. It might not be real." But at the same time, it was what I was experiencing at the time, so I allowed myself to enjoy it and document it here accordingly. Not acknowledging those feelings seemed just as self-deceiving as blindly embracing them.

So now that I had a bumpy week, what do I think about these feelings? Well, they didn't completely disappear. What is apparent is that I have a greater reserve to draw upon in times of stress, but by no means am I immune to it. No big surprise there, really. Maybe it is an endorphin response which will continue to fade with time. Or maybe I have a greater ability to cope simply because I'm happier living this way. Time will tell. Anyone else have any experience with this long term? Does the well-being fade, or does it last?

I've been wearing the CB6000S for longer periods than I had expected this week. I went back in Sunday night for 24 hours. When we removed it Monday night the skin was a little raw but not as bad as the week before. Tuesday night I went back in, expecting to be out Wednesday night. This was also the first week I've worn jeans with the device. Up to now the weather's been nice enough for me to get away with loose fitting cargo shorts.

It was a slightly tougher experience in the jeans. Not necessarily more painful, but more difficult to find a comfortable position. I think I'm going to have to go shopping for some new jeans with a little more room around the crotch.

So considering the slightly rougher experience with the jeans and the fact that we'd planned to go slow, I expected to be unlocked Wednesday night. By the time the evening rolled around, however, I realized that I wasn't in any discomfort. We decided to leave it on until morning and see what happened.

Thursday morning I woke up to the usual discomfort of a morning erection but didn't have any problems after it settled down. It was a hectic morning and my wife left without unlocking me. She had forgotten in her rush to get out the door and I felt comfortable enough in the device to try going for 48 hours.

This is when the tone of our week improved. We had hoped to have some intimate time earlier in the week, but it hadn't worked out. When I checked in with my wife Thursday afternoon her mood had improved and she wasn't feeling as tired. "Maybe I'll get another drop from you tonight," she said. Worked for me.

I was able to switch back to shorts for the second half of the day and was much more comfortable. Several times as I stood in the kitchen doing dishes I completely forgot I was wearing the device. I still find this surprising. Can anyone tell me if this adjustment period is typical?

Anyway, as I said, Thursday is where our week turned around. The kids were in bed on time, the dog was walked, and my wife and I had the evening for ourselves. I don't mean to be boring here, but most of what we did is a repetition of what I wrote previously. I gave her a nice long massage, followed by "the usual."

After she had come is when things changed a little. I was lying on the bed, relaxing side-by-side with her. We removed the device and put it in my nightstand. Then, with me lying on my back, she leans against my left side and traps my left leg between hers. She starts stroking my cock with her left hand as she props her head up with her right, looking at me all the while.

"Are you really only going to milk out one drop?" I ask her, more to hear her say it than anything else.

"Of course," she responds, "Did you think I was going to change my mind?"

I didn't, and she knows I didn't. She knows I just wanted to hear her say it and she smiles.

"Maybe I can get my drop faster this time," she says as she strokes me. "I just need to push your buttons."

"My buttons?" I ask. "You want me to tell you what my buttons are?" Half of me wants the excuse to tell her all the things I wish she'd do to me, the other half doesn't want her to do anything to shorten this experience. She isn't even using lube yet. Hopefully I can enjoy this for a while.

"Silly," she responds. "I know all your buttons." The hand that was propping up her head suddenly comes down, firmly covering my mouth and nose. Shit. Of course she knows my buttons. I've gone on and on about them in the past, when things weren't working well in our sex life.

Any illusions I have of control here go out the window. Within seconds I've lost it and my hips are bucking. The orgasm is coming and I can't stop it. What's more I'm happy about it. Despite how brief this is, I am overjoyed by her assertion of power over my sexuality. It means more than the physical pleasure.

She see's I've gone past the point of no return and stops pumping, just holding the shaft at the base, keeping it pointing into the air. I feel a single spurt of cum pour onto my belly. Again, it's not an orgasm, but this time it's a lot more than one drop.

"What is this!" she cries in mock annoyance. She lets go of my cock, scoops up the cum and brings it to my mouth.

"Someone is going to have to clean this up."

Like I said, things are looking up.