Ramblings of a frustrated, horny man

[Glimi]

Oh boy. What to do when you discover you don’t share the same sexual fantasies as your wife? I have been feeling this longing to be dominated by her and she doesn’t see the fun in it.

Are the things I want really so out of the ordinary? I guess watching porn for years and years skewed my view. I think I masturbated to every fetish known to man.

I told her I wanted to be locked up in a chastity tube. To place the control over my penis in her hands instead of my own. As a serial masturbator it excites me endlessly to entertain the thought of being helpless and at the mercy of someone else for my own release.

I’ve never been honest to her about how often I masturbate. Out of shame, never could bring myself to tell her. Once or twice a day I pleasure myself. I masturbate to the wildest fantasies and don’t find too much fulfillment in our sex life. It is mainly missionary style and not all that much passion from her side. Or is it me, unable to give my all because I already shot my load twice that day.

All I know is that the past two days I jerked but never allowed myself to cum. I felt more passion for my wife than I had in a long time. I felt the urge to please her, cuddle, kiss and worship more than before. I told her all this as an argument to try chastity but she hadn’t really picked up on it. Odd, it felt to me like it really showed in my actions. I guess I have to control to my urges to feel like this more often, just not sure if I can. Giving in is so easy, not masturbating so hard.

Want to know the crazy part? I tried to make love to her after we spoke about chastity. I was horny, she was wet but tired. I humped her, she lay still. It felt so good, I wanted to cum so much but Hdidn’t. Didn’t want her having to get up to clean herself up, I would’ve felt bad about that. She was the perfect tease and probably didn’t even realize it. I felt frustrated and upset. She just fell asleep.

So here I am, in bed, awake at 1am. The horniness subsided, made place for something else. What to do with my fantasy? Can I live a life without seeing this fulfilled? What choice do I have, I don’t want to be without her.

[poor]

Having been where you are, my recommendation would be to go to:

www.malechastityblog.com

To purchase Sarah Jameson's book 'Be Careful What You Wish For'. It's quite wordy but gives a steady, reasonable strategy for entering the game with plenty of explanation about the hurdles that both parties may encounter and some suggestions as to how to get over them.

Some of her later books aren't anything like as essential as BCWYWF and the site peddles everything as hard as a cheesy infomercial but this book made it happen for us.

[Curiousnotgeorge]

deleted

[locked4her55]

Oh boy. What to do when you discover you don’t share the same sexual fantasies as your wife? I have been feeling this longing to be dominated by her and she doesn’t see the fun in it.

My wife/KH also was not sold on this new lifestyle when I introduced it to her. Sarah's site is worth visitng but I'm not sure it was up when we began.

I purchased this book at Amazon.com and gave it to my wife to help her understand.
http://www.amazon.com/Male-Chastity-A-G ... 714&sr=1-3 After 2 years she still keeps it in the night stand next to her side of the bed.

I also had her visit http://www.keptforher.com Tom & Susie have a great chastity friendly site with lots of loving couples describing their relationships in chastity

It took many weeks for my wife to accept the role as my KH.

My 2 cents also would be to not push it. Show her each day the benefits of this new lifestyle.

[Glimi]

Thanks for all the supportive messages. I didn't get much sleep last night and feel bad. I hope I didn't push the subject too much last night. She did tell me to get a device if that is what I want but I don't think she is buying the whole key holder thing.

I guess I will have to learn to dose my fantasy. This is something that has been on my mind for a while and something I have fantasized about. To her it is all new. I feel I owe it to her to come clean about all of my motives. Confess to being a serial masturbator who can't control his urges and would like to see his energy more focused on her pleasure than his own.

I have ordered the book Male chastity: a guide for key holders. I hope she will read it and I hope it will explain my interest in male chastity better than I could do it last night. It should arrive in a couple of days.

To the person who adviced to deny myself without any gadgets: I wish I could. I have tried before but I always slip up. It is a habit I seem unable to kick. The funny thing is, it doesn't even leave me satisfied. A lot of the time the orgasms are weak and I feel bad about myself when I cum.

[MissyBsBitch]

To the person who adviced to deny myself without any gadgets: I wish I could. I have tried before but I always slip up. It is a habit I seem unable to kick. The funny thing is, it doesn't even leave me satisfied. A lot of the time the orgasms are weak and I feel bad about myself when I cum.

When I first started I set myself a goal first of going 3 days without an orgasm, then 5 days, then a week, 10 days, 2 weeks, 3 weeks, 4 weeks.
I'm now approaching 2 months with no orgasm although the missus has given me quite a few ruined orgasms. She started this latest round of orgasm denial and I've told her that it us up to her when it ends, although I had to tell her again last night for the 3rd time that it's her decision when I get to orgasm next. She relised last night that I was serious and it is her decision.

I guess what I'm saying is it will take time and probably some work on your own behalf before your partner starts to see the benifits in it for her.

[mistress is god]

(Sorry this update is war and piece all)

Glimi - I have to say with all honesty that I am in the same place as you.
I love chastity and wanted so much for my wife to love it to and to understand her rewards however this is not so and I never believe that it will be.

Like you I got more from masturbation than I did from Sex. I did all the giving and got nothing back, she is not interested in toys she does not like anything penetrating her except my penis (it too wired) she has never masturbated herself in her life, She hates oral sex and she can take or leave sex (we have done it 3 times since Feb 2010 ).

The thing that changed the way chastity works in our life is when I wrote a chastity contract signed it and committed to it. The basics to the contract is I have to pay money for every orgasm. I can only masturbate when authorised by Strict Mistress (on the keysafe web site) the longer I wait the cheaper the charge. If I cheat and have an unauthorised orgasm then there is a high penalty fee. Teasing and frustration is self inflicted and failed orgasms are chargeable at an exponential rate between authorised orgasms.

But the big change was with my wife. I did not really tell her much about what I was doing and she knows nothing of my contract. But I told her that I would no longer be a sexual pest, no more freaky ideas. In fact from now on I did not want to have sex with her unless she wanted it and she must never do anything because she felt pressured from me to do it.
(Level 1 ) Further more to help the situation I agreed that I would not touch her breasts or groin unless she gave me permission
(Level 2 ) and would ask before we had penetrative sex
(Level 3 + Charge ) and I would ask before I cum to make sure that she is fully satisfied.
If she had not cum or was not satisfied then it would not be fair that I was. So we would stop and try again another day.

Wow that worked.
She loves that I kiss her more then ever, when she is a bit more in the mood she loves that I caress everywhere but her breasts and groin and she can allow me to touch when she is ready. She has openly said she loves that I am not “Grabby”. When I do manage to get her horny enough that she wants to do something (once very month or two) she wants me to suck her breasts whilst massaging her groin until she orgasms. That’s it she’s done. The 1 time this did carry on to sex I got close very quickly (had waited weeks) and asked to cum she said “No” and just the fact that she had played along and said no was enough to take me over the edge with a total lack of self control. (Big Fine… opps )

My point …….. Chastity is not all about wearing a device!!!!!
That just what we want.

[Glimi]

Wow, a lot has happened the last couple of days. It is such a 180 degree turn I fear you all will not believe me. When I came home on Wednesday we sat down on the couch and I told her I felt I may have pressed the issue too much and come on too strong. She agreed and apologized for having been so sleepy. We talked some more and she asked me if I wanted to have sex. Boy, did I!

We went to the bedroom and had some nice foreplay and then we tried to have sex. I say tried because she wasn't feeling comfortable. We talked during sex, something we hardly do, and I felt much more connected to her. After trying for a while it was clear she was feeling uncomfortable and I suggested we would stop. She asked if I wanted to orgasm and I said no, she seemed fine with it.

We started cuddling and then she start teasing me. She would stroke me and stop just before I felt like cumming. She did this to me a couple of time. I got so horny and all I could think about was giving her an orgasm. I did and it was a good one. Afterwards we cuddled, she had this wicked smile on her face. I swear, it was the best "sex" we've ever had! I've never felt so close or attracted to her before.

That night the same thing happened, she seemed to really enjoy teasing me and not letting me cum. On Thursday the same story. I got to go down on her, which I love, and I was rock hard and dripping the entire time. Today I took a photo of my hard dick when I was on the toilet at work. I had jerked a bit but was determined not to cum. I emailed her the photo, telling her I was thinking of her. The reply I got was more than I had hoped for! She was wondering how much I was going to have to wait until she said the magic words and in brackets it said: "have an evil grin on my face now". Wow! When I got in the car and drove home I was hard the entire time.

So far for all the good, now a little bad. I ache. It hurts. This was not a part of my fantasy of being denied to orgasm. My balls are blue and feel heavy, this I more or less expected. There is also a dull ache between my penis and belly button. I guess it is my prostate? I would love to cum but I am also high on being so horny all the time. Not sure which one will win out. I do know that when I do cum it will be because I asked my wife if I can. I really don't want to go back to having meaningless orgasms from jerking off at work.

Well, that is what has been going on. On Tuesday the book Male Chastity: A Key Holder's guide will arrive. I told her I had ordered, curious to see what she will think of it once she read it.

@mistress is god: thanks for your story. Time restraints keep me from giving you a more detailed reply. I will try to contact you later.

[locked4her55]

Happy to hear you have the Male Chastity: A Key Holder's Guide coming. What worked for me was to read it front to back several times before I gave it to my wife. It not only helped me confirm my own feelings but allowed me to answer with some conviction her questions after she read it.

Also glad to hear things are going well for you. Hopefully she will "keep it up"

[poor]

I've read MC:AGFK and it has about 80% of the information in about 20% of the page count of BCWYWF. To my mind that makes it more suited for male readers as it's about the HOW of it rather than the WHY.

If your partner has reservations or is generally nervous about kinks BCWYWF devotes more space to allaying those fears whereas Lucy's book is more 'Its OK, we're all different - here's how you do this'.