Caught in the Act - WWYD?

[poor]

If I'm not muddling up identities Jnuts has linked to this posting ( http://spankingmarriage.blogspot.com/20 ... 82011f899c ) on his blog (that is a great read) and for me this situation poses 2 questions:

1) Can you ever see yourself in his position?

2) What's her next move?

[Locked by LRC]

Knowing that any device isn't 100% secure I would ask, how did he get the whole thing off? Sounds to me it needs to be adjusted.

I think the next step would be for the two of them to have a talk. After his punishment I think he knows her side. He needs to be asked if this is something he is committed to. If he is, and just can't control himself, then maybe a piercing would be in order if it was agreed on. If he wouldn't agree to it then it would seem to me that chastity is something he is doing for her and not what he really wants.

[danj]

If I'm not muddling up identities Jnuts has linked to this posting ( http://spankingmarriage.blogspot.com/20 ... 82011f899c ) on his blog that is a great read and poses 2 questions:

Jnuts blog is Nuts4Belle. I think you mean Locked Husband's blog. They're both linked from Keyheld.

[poor]

Thanks Dan. I actually had it down as yours to start off with. Whoever you are I've liked pretty much everything you've blogged. 

[eido]

That was intense to read. I can't really answer the questions you pose. My observation is that she seems to be doing all the work in the relationship, but I only read a few other posts in the blog to get the flavor of it. But, I'm not sure there's anything wrong with that. Is there some rule that the work of being an intimate couple has to be divided perfectly evenly? Assuming all this is real and not somebody's whacky internet fantasy, they have some serious questions to ask themselves and each other.

Eido

[wishful4]

If I'm not muddling up identities Jnuts has linked to this posting ( http://spankingmarriage.blogspot.com/20 ... 82011f899c ) on his blog (that is a great read) and for me this situation poses 2 questions:

1) Can you ever see yourself in his position?

2) What's her next move?

I can very much identify with this guy. At about the 30 day mark, my horny meter is so off scale that, given the chance, I might resort to the same temptation. There would be much regret afterwards. It is easy to armchair quarterback and say this will never happen to you, but you never know. Her next move, whatever it is, will define her as a keyholder to him for some time to come. I hope it is the right one for both of them.

[DocSwitch]

There's a piece missing that without it I can't say one way or another. I've been into BDSM for 5 years now, I've read a lot on the subject, met and talked to people involved with it for many years on their views of it. I'd like to think I'm still a novice but have some idea of the basic principles. Now I understand she doesn't technically consider them a D/s marriage from what I read (or maybe they do and it just didn't catch my eye as I read) but she's obviously administering enforced chastity, corporal punishment, and humiliation to her husband based on that post and the few after where she describes how she's "Correcting" the behavior. I understand her sense of betrayal and being hurt but I don't see anything being said about what her husband said or how he really feels. That seems, outside of sorry and in pain, inconsequential to her. If that's truly what he wanted, to engage in a full time power exchange like that, and deep down he's enjoying it, fair enough. Game on. If he isn't and this is simply her imposing her will, I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but to me that's wrong. In the D/s crowd the motto "Safe, Sane, and Consensual" is paramount. If he's really miserable and this is mostly her, she's not being anyone of those three, and in a sense both physically and psychologically abusing him to a point that he might totally shut down emotionally. She states in a later post that when he actually experienced the fantasy in reality, he really didn't like it. However she loved controlling him and now uses those things as behavior modification since he dislikes them greatly.

If deep down he always wanted to be totally controlled and wanted his personality and behavior shaped by corporal discipline and chastity, and he's still game, then I think they're a bit extreme but nothing is really wrong there. If she's just abusing it because she came to the realization she gets off on power, and they're not actually communicating or taking his feelings into account, she needs a swift kick back to reality. Ego's, emotional states, self-image, and relationship dynamics are very fragile things that in a D/s relationship can easily be irreparably damaged by non-consensual play of this type.

I think if he's really enjoying this, then it's cool, to repeat that. I don't want anyone to read this as a self-righteous rant. It just really bothered me in her multiple posts her lack of reference to his wants and needs or even agreement to any of this. Those are my two cents.