I envy Ab and Dev

[poor]

6000cbs---

Tom A. told me that should be "key heldee".


As for what is permanent, two things come to mind---there is a difference between permanent control and permanent denial. Also, the intent might be to never have another orgasm or to avoid orgasms indefinately.

This is the kind of discussion that prompted me to post the 'Chastity Lexicon' thread. The terminology lets us down or is too wide a brush to paint the picture. My thought would be to deem those who seek no more orgasms as 'Ravens' after Poe; 'Quoth the raven "Nevermore"'.

[wishful4]

Ab took a device wearing break for a few months (I can't tell you the exact dates) but that wasn't really a chastity break. More that he didn't want to wear his metal cage when it was hot. But he locked himself back up a few months ago (maybe the end of July?) when he realized I liked him better locked. I think he has come to prefer it, too. I can't tell you the last time he had an orgasm and he probably couldn't tell me either, if I asked. He's never been into dates and I've stopped paying attention. His orgasms really aren't relevant anymore. I sort of wonder if we'll sort of slide into a permanent orgasm denial situation but not make a big announcement or have any bells & whistles. It will just be what is[/
D

We primarily use the honor system. I can't stop thinking about dates, however. A couple of things interest me:

1. What does "irrelevant" mean to you? Are his orgasms something that either of both of you avoid, or something that either or both of you don't care about one way or another? Something else?

I think I am starting to understand what Dev meant. A couple gets to the point in their relationship where they realize it is female-led and they are completely comfortable with it and their roles in it. Love and trust is unconditional for both parties. The man is committed to putting her needs first and trusts that she will do what's best for him and the relationship. The woman is completely comfortable being treated this way and assuming the dominant role. Male Chastity is but a stepping stone on the road to this place. I think many couples aspire to achieve this, but few succeed. Most failures, I suspect, occur because of the engrained culture of what a woman's role should be in our society. If Dev & Ab have achieved it, they should be congratulated. They are a role model for us all.

[fuzzydunlop]

I dunno. I was interested in the positives of MC long before I was ever in a relationship. A lot of FLR sounds like repackaged straight male domination fantasy to me. I know a lot of couples where the wife seems to be running the show and it seems to have little to do with sex (but who knows what goes on behind closed doors, of course). It really isn't that hard to find alpha women, the just get labled as "bossy" or "bitchy" and usually don't dress like dommes. The thrust of my question is that "not often" or "rarely" or "not a goal" or even "not as important" may not mean the same thing as "irrelevant". I think it would annoy and pressure my wife if I put her on some unrealistic pedestal. I do try to think of her and "us" more without thinking any less of myself or elevating her to some myth.

[celticqueens_sub]

We live a very functional and realistic FLR. I don't agree chastity always moves this way. Mainly because we lived an FLR before MC. MC is used by CQ as part of the bigger picture. I don't think they are mutually exclusive or chronological. There are a number of couples here that don't have the D/s aspects that we have too. I firmly believe each couple/ person does this in the way that suits them best.

[Belle]

I firmly believe each couple/ person does this in the way that suits them best.

I agree. MC is working for us, and we do not live in a FLR-nor do I have any desire to. Jnuts works, I no longer do (although days like today with our two toddlers make me wish I still did). We share all decision making regarding the house, money, and the children. To me marriage is an equal partnership. MC fits in this arrangement for us in that Jnuts loves it, I am denying him because that is what he wants. We both benefit from it, therefore our equality remains.

[wishful4]

I firmly believe each couple/ person does this in the way that suits them best.

I agree, as well. I did not mean to imply that this applies to everyone. It does resonate with those of us that have a blossoming D/s relationship along with MC.

[Dev]

Thanks for the comments, everyone. This is an interesting discussion. As for being role models, I am beginning to think we should all say, "If you've seen one successful MC relationship, you've seen one successful MC relationship." In other words, we're all different and we all figure out what works for us.

Over the past year, Ab has become much more submissive. Or perhaps I should say, more overtly submissive. He wants to carry my bag and bring my stuff in from the car. Fine with me! And now, I don't feel guilty getting up and leaving him with a kitchen full of dirty dishes. I've learned he likes to putter with getting everything washed and put away and I never enjoyed it. So it's a win for both of us.

But as Belle said, when it comes to things like big financial expenditures, repairs to the house and so on, we're partners and discuss the issue and make a mutual decision. The thing that I have discovered is that we can go weeks (months?) without having to talk about that sort of stuff. So Ab can be his happy submissive self on a day-to-day basis.

This is my way of saying, it works for us. In fact, it's worked for us for years--since we've been married. What chastity has given us is a way to take it to the next level and that makes it more fun.

As for Ab's orgasms being permanent, semi-permanent, or non-existent...time will tell!

D

[cb6000s]

I am beginning to think we should all say, "If you've seen one successful MC relationship, you've seen one successful MC relationship."

That should probably be chisled in stone somewhere.

[celticqueens_sub]

He wants to carry my bag and bring my stuff in from the car. Fine with me! And now, I don't feel guilty getting up and leaving him with a kitchen full of dirty dishes.

You and CQ must have been talking... ? These are minimum standards for me and it sounds like Ab too..

[celticqueens_sub]

I did not mean to imply that this applies to everyone.

Wishful4.. not a dig at you at all buddy just a general comment. I really enjoy your posts and insight. Thanks