Making me think!

[poor]

I've discovered a different perspective on this.

Prior to giving her control, I was savagely proud of my skills as a man and a lover. I took it as a matter of principle that she would always cum and we would experience all the delights of sexual variety that i could foist upon her from all the various sources that I sought throughout our decades together.

What I now realise is that if nothing else, sex was an exercise in my vanity. My wifes role was little more than a mirror to admire my prowess (or more accurately the carcass to show my skills as a hunter). I was deaf to her comments that I was too 'technical' and unfeeling when we fucked. As far as I was was concerned I gave her variety and she came and all I wanted in return was gratitude. (Never figured out how the better I got at sex, the less often we managed to have it...)

Bringing this to the present I've been having trouble with the fact that I can't be that person after 40+ days without cumming. I can't hold back for long and when I do there have been screams, tears and sheer exasperation as TBH I don't get the same level of self satisfaction from my performance. We are much more involved in each other and I enjoy that aspect so much but whilst I get it (finally!) and I can see how much more she enjoys this than what we did before it's still going to take some time to rewire my values.