[Chosen_Jackal] Pinch me, is this really happening?

[Tongue+groove]

You lucky devil I wish I had started at 42. Instead we were still having sex 6 nights a week. what a boring life looking back.

I’ll be 60 in a week and believe it or not I probably learn more from you than you know.

I know meeting people here in person is frowned upon and I get it. But, I could see our girls having lunch and plotting.

[Chosen_Jackal]

Yeah it’s weird isn’t it? We also had sex averaging five times a week until we started this journey, and I absolutely believe our sex life is better for the both of us now!

I’d be excited and scared about the things Red and Mrs G could come up with if they ever met

There’s the small issue of the Atlantic Ocean to keep us guys safe at least

[Tongue+groove]

. There’s the small issue of the Atlantic Ocean to keep us guys safe at least

You have no idea how I refuse to leave the states.

Have a great day, life is good.

[ARK]

It seems like you are recovering from your surgery well if you are feisty with Miss Red in the morning.

Mrs. Ark is a bear in the morning. But nothing is better than getting a hug with her not wearing a bra. If I am lucky, I get a naked hug before she puts on her cloths.

[Chosen_Jackal]

Yeah I’m apparently luckier than most that have done this procedure and have very little pain.
We actually brought out the big dildo last night and I gave her a good round with the strap on, so life is coming back on track

[Chosen_Jackal]

There hasn’t been too much of note to rapport over the last few days.
School started again today after a weeks winter break so the kids are out of the house during daytime.
I still have five weeks of sick leave after my surgery and I only have minor discomfort at the most, so this will probably feel somewhat like a vacation.
I’m hoping me and Rerd can spend some quality time together during daytime these coming weeks since she works from home, but she’s also super busy with her work so we’ll see.
I’ve decided to spend these weeks really stepping up on taking care of as much of the housework as possible so Red can focus her energy on her work, and hopefully some of it will go towards me as well if I’m lucky.

We’ve had a few good conversations over the last few days. Heavy, hard even, but good. They’ve been about our new dynamic as her being my key holder and me being submissive towards her.
I’ve been dealing with some feelings of inadequacy as our relationship has developed. I believe these are natural as we shift towards this new dynamic. I’ve always been the dominant one earlier, but now that I see her looking happier and receiving a ton more pleasure after we stopped using my penis for sex a mix of emotions has stirred up in me. Part of it is humiliation and feeling less of a man in a way, but a way bigger part is joy at seeing her happy.

I needed to hear how she felt about these things and to reassure me that she was happy with our relationship now. The scary part of opening up and showing vulnerability is that you can’t take it back. I told her that I can’t see myself going back to a vanilla relationship even after this short time. We’ve explored aspects of humiliation and power shift in our relationship that I’m finding really eye opening and revealing about myself. So much so that I believe I will struggle with going back to pretending I’m not submissive and turned on by being humiliated.
For example; both Red and me have always believed that she couldn’t have a vaginal orgasm from penetration alone, but after discovering that this is a very real thing for her as long as we use a properly big and thick dildo it’s clear that she couldn’t orgasm from my penis penetrating her. This is pretty difficult to forget and could be a big blow to any guys ego, but since we’re exploring this new dynamic it’s become a kink for us. She still holds back on talking my penis down, but she has no problem talking the dildo up.
I would have problems feeling like a satisfying partner if we decided to end our new arrangement.

I tried my hardest not to too from the bottom so to speak, but I also felt that I needed to say some things about my own needs regarding this. I asked her to see if she was able to lean even more into the denial and dominance aspect is we are to keep this lifestyle. Only if she is comfortable with this of course, but I also told her that I believe it would be easier for me to accept my place in our relationship if we do this.
I want her to reassure me that she loves me, but to treat me real bad at times if she finds that it is within her comfort zone. Red is a naturally kind woman so I told her I don’t expect her to change her whole personality, but that I’m open to her exploring if this is something she finds enjoyable. I trust her completely and would like nothing more than to serve her as best as I can going forward.
I even told her I’m open to her finding pleasure and satisfaction outside our relationship if she deems it necessary, and while she’s not completely against this idea, it’s not something she’s interested in right now.

We are evolving as a couple. We’re finding new ways to enjoy each other, and it’s both scary and exciting at the same time.

Not too much chastity related stuff this time, but this journey is about real life so it’s the way it is sometimes.

As always, fell free to comment or ask questions.

[Chosen_Jackal]

Just horny today. I haven’t felt too much of the "buzzing" a I’ve called it lately. It’s been a lot of stuff on my mind and Red is incredible busy with work so we haven’t had much time to play, except her nightly sleeping pills as she calls them. Hardly a night goes by without her having an orgasm before she goes to sleep and I simply love being allowed to play some part in her pleasure.
Today though, I feel it…

It doesn’t get any easier since Red is disappointed in me and told me I can forget any attention today. I was supposed to buy a dildo that’s a little bit shorter but the same thickness as the one she loves, but I managed to buy the same dildo as we already have. I quickly ordered the one I was supposed to get as soon as we noticed, but she said she was looking forward to "getting pounded properly", but that’s not happening now.
She loves the thickness of the dildo we have, but it’s so long that it can get a little bit painful all the way on the bottom of the vaginal canal so we have to be careful when we use it.

We talked some more about Red being rougher and leaning more into humiliation and dominance yesterday. She says she doesn’t necessarily have a problem with this as she finds it appealing, but she’s concerned I’m not going to react well to it over time. She doesn’t want to make me feel bad.
I suggested we take it one step at a time, and see how it goes if she gradually implements aspects of this at her own pace and she agreed.
It isn’t easy for her to stop being a people pleaser and her first instinct is to make things better.
Yesterday I was in a pretty bad mood early in the day. I get that way sometimes. Sulky and generally unable to see any positives.
She picks up on this immediately and stars showering me with love and asking me how she can make me feel better.
I wish I was brave enough to tell her that what I feel like I need in a situation like that would be a slap in the face, being told to get my act together, and maybe her spitting in my mouth to make the humiliation of being a grown man getting caught in acting like a moody teenager sink in.

Things got better during the day fortunately and she told me to strip naked and clean the bathroom. Unfortunately I got an unexpected visit from my cousin before I could finish the job, and the rest of the day was filled with taking the dog to the vet, driving the kids around, shopping and making dinner for the family.
Red told me that it wasn’t my fault that my cousin showed up so I wouldn’t get punished for failing to complete the task she gave me, but I wouldn’t get the reward of an edging either. That seems fair.
I’m going to finish cleaning the bathroom today and my schedule is luckily less stressful today.

I’m so horny today though. I wish I could masturbate.
I’ve bought some toys to explore if I can get some pleasure from anal stimulation. Maybe Red will be okay with me trying them out?

[Tongue+groove]

Sounds like a mood swinging day. You’ve given me something to think about here. I think these are the types of days that both Mrs. G and I don’t know how to figure out. From day one she has been committed to not being a nag, not being high maintenance, and always taking care of providing for my needs. She was a stay at home mom for 12 years, pretty much a June Cleaver. Hence the struggle with expectations of me.

Face slapping and spitting will never happen here for either of us, it’s just not us. But being told to strip and clean the bathroom, that could happen and I would probably start to drip immediately. Just not today it was a rough morning.

I do enjoy your posts. It’s reassuring to know others have their challenges also.

[Chosen_Jackal]

Thank you!
I love posting about the days I get to give Red massive orgasms with the strap on and the kinky nature of our lifestyle, but I feel its necessary to include the side of life that isn’t sexy and exciting as well.

I enjoy writing this journal and for others to read it and hopefully find some value in it, just as I enjoy reading others as well, and I found that I need to include everything that I feel is relevant to keep it real.

I’m still adjusting to how I’m eating since the surgery. They rearranged my insides so to speak and I’m sure this is playing some part in why I’m not feeling as excited about our sex life this past week.
I’m doing incredibly well in my recovery, and maybe both me and Red is expecting more than what’s realistic at the moment?
Life can be fun, boring, good and bad, but it never stops being interesting

[Chosen_Jackal]

"Hmm, it’s been a long time since I’ve had struggles with night time erections. I’ve sure come a long way since I first put a cage on!"

This is what I thought to myself last night as I went to bed.
I must’ve cursed myself because today I woke up 30 minutes before my alarm was set with one of the most painful erections I have had the pleasure of enduring in a looong time.

I blame Red! I’m only joking of course, but she was so tired last night that she chose not to get one of her little sleeping pills, or orgasms as others call them, do we just talked and cuddled before we fell asleep.
I’m sure I would have slept through the night if she had gotten off! That’s how it works right?

Right?

I can tell this is going to be a hard day. My entire body is buzzing today.
It’s ten days since I came the last time. Red made me jerk off while she watched so it wasn’t even that pleasurable, but I guess that’s how it’s going to be going forward. She’s a fan of ruined orgasms, or miming as she prefers to call them. And when she does let me come it’s usually by doing it in some way that distracts me from just enjoying it fully. For example by making me wear a cock sleeve and being allowed to cum while wearing that, or first giving me a ruined orgasm and then making me finish shortly afterwards in a regular manner, thus making it feel more humiliating and less pleasurable.
I love it and hate it at the same time!
I hope, I really hope that she will let me have a proper orgasm again at some point without the mind games and all the distractions. Just plain focus on pleasure, but I can’t complain too much.

I shouldn’t worry about my next orgasm anyway. We chatted a bit yesterday and she confirmed that it will be a looong time before I’m allowed to have one. She wants me focused she said.
I have two intense feelings at the moment. The physical feeling that I just want, no need, to release and have an orgasm, and the mental feeling that I crave being denied for a long time.
It’s all up to Red of course, but I must admit that my heart beat faster with excitement and joy when she said that it won’t happen for me in a long while.

I can’t wait to feel the excitement and buzzing to build up in the coming weeks. Months?
I’m really excited!