[Chosen_Jackal] Pinch me, is this really happening?

[denied_one]

Happy Mother's Day @Redraven! "Red"

[Chosen_Jackal]

I don’t know what I expected when I first started this journey. I think I saw it as a purely kinky thing to spice up our sex life, but what I’ve learned has touched me in a much deeper and more profound way.
I knew I had a submissive side, but I would never have thought that it would feel so natural to see Red as my superior.
I’ve always loved her as both my lover and best friend, but now I find myself yearning to do all I can to make her life better.

I’ve known for a long time that I get more off on my partners pleasure than my own when it comes to sex. I feel like a failure if I haven’t been able to facilitate Red achieving orgasm during sex. I would either make sure that she got off before me or at least stay in the game and make sure she also had an orgasm if I came first.
But I would always come. Of course I would. What was the point of having sex without having an orgasm?

Quite a lot I’ve discovered. I’m not gonna sell myself so short and say that I only got Red off so that I wouldn’t feel bad about having my own orgasm afterwards, but there was always a selfish element there.
Now that I know I’m not going to come unless Red decides so I’m just focused on her.
I take all my pleasure from what pleasure she has and I’m 100% focused on the way she moves, the sounds she makes and how she responds to me. With no expectation of getting anything in return.
This has only gotten better after Red seemingly being fully on board with this. I don’t think she feels bad about not reciprocating anymore and I love that she’s comfortable with being a little selfish.

This is so impactful on how we act outside the bedroom as well. Red is constantly telling me how much she appreciates all I do for her and she looks at me in a way I haven’t seen in years. I always respond that I’m the one that’s thankful since I get to see this beautiful woman look at me like that again.

[Tongue+groove]

What a beautiful state to be in. I remember when we reached this milestone. It’s euphoric when the best sex you have ever had was no sex, so to speak, and her feeling no guilt about it. I am convinced this is a bigger adjustment for her than for us.

Sounds like you two are moving forward together, enjoy the trip.

[Chosen_Jackal]

What a beautiful state to be in. I remember when we reached this milestone. It’s euphoric when the best sex you have ever had was no sex, so to speak, and her feeling no guilt about it. I am convinced this is a bigger adjustment for her than for us.

Sounds like you two are moving forward together, enjoy the trip.

I think you’re right. I’ve had a lot of time with my own thoughts and feelings about these things before I finally brought it up to her. I’d known for a while that I was longing for something like this when that happened, but it was a sudden change for her.
I’m just so lucky to have such an open minded and loving partner as Red.
She’s grounded and caring and she keeps me grounded as well, but she’s also encouraging helpful in keeping my head in the right space.

[Chosen_Jackal]

I’ve just waxed poetically about how much pleasure I get from watching Red enjoy herself and suddenly I remembered how much I used to love getting blow jobs… what have I gotten myself into?

No worries, this is better. This is better. This is better…

[Tongue+groove]

I used to love getting blow jobs….

About 6 months into chastity and one evening while watching tv she casually gets up, comes over to my chair, gets down on the floor, and says I haven’t done this for you in quite some time, pulls my shorts down, u locks me and doesn’t stop until she’s swallowed every last drop.

When she gets up she kisses me and says, how many guys married for 40 years get treated like that? Having to be unlocked for it was almost more than I could stand. Best one she ever gave.

Hopefully one day you too will get the surprise of a lifetime.

[Chosen_Jackal]

That’s the dream Mr T&G! That’s the dream!!

[Chosen_Jackal]

"A perfect body. A twisted mind.
Starvation and loathing.
We fuck 'til it bleeds.
Scratch, claw and scream."

These are en excerpt of the lyrics to one of my favorite songs by a band called The Haunted.
Yesterday’s events made me think of them and how oddly they seem to fit yesterday’s mood and events. Well maybe not the loathing part… or maybe?

Perfect body is obviously Red. I’m at the part of our journey where I adore, no I worship her body! The way it gives me pleasure and responds to how I pleasure it is beyond amazing. I know she isn’t always the biggest fan of her own body for various reasons, but I’m beginning to believe that she’s realizing that I’m serious when I say I find her irresistible.

Twisted mind? Well we’re both pretty kinky so that fits perfectly. Red has found a new joy in digging her nails pretty hard into my flesh. The back of my thighs, arms, balls… don’t tell her I said this but she could do it even harder and I’d be into it. Don’t tell her I said that though.

Starvation and loathing? Well I’ve certainly been starved of orgasms. I’m also existing on an extreme low calorie diet right now in preparation for my upcoming surgery. You could argue that I’m literally starved as well. As far as loathing goes, I’m struggling to come up with anything specific but I loathe the bland diet I’m on when I’m cooking delicious meals for Red and the kids. She’s a cries mistress, but I love her for it.

Now to the part that made me think of this song in particular.
"We fuck til it bleeds".
Red is insatiable. She has no need of my penis anymore, but she still loves to be thoroughly and enthusiastically fucked. It’s a good thing we have a giant dildo and a strap on harness that works wonders for her every time.
The last three nights I’ve given her one to two orgasms and she seems to be really into it.
I’ve said it here before, but I believe we’re having the best sex of our lives these days.
After we finished last night we saw that my cage had some blood on it. Not a lot, but enough that it was immediately visible.
It turns out that I’ve scratch a part of my shaft that pokes through the cage on the strap on harness or the ballsack part of the dildo.
There was no pain, but Red was immediately concerned and said I have to go a few days uncaged.
I reassured her that I’d clean the wound (superficial) and that the safest place for my penis was in a cage where it doesn’t come into contact with anything else that can irritate the wound.
She agreed and we also agreed that there will be daily unlocks to check and clean the wound.

As for the final part of the lyrics. Scratch and claw. Like I mentioned earlier, Red has taken a fondness to using her nails on me. I’m excited to see what this eventually might lead to.
None of us are screamers, but the sounds Red are making in bed these days are the closest I’ve ever heard her come to doing that.

As always, comments are welcome.

[Tongue+groove]

Two quick notes.

The clawing of nails is one of my favorites. It took several years for her to realize that I even enjoyed the following days of red tender streaks on my back. She doesn’t scratch me up very often, but when she does I sure know it. Once in a while when she lets her nails get extra long she is always sure to show them off to me.

Second it sounds like you have a solid family dynamic. I miss having my kids around. But……one day when the house is empty you will experience what I call the second honey moon phase. That’s when you find out just how primal her noises can get.

Have fun.

[Chosen_Jackal]

I continue to be amazed at how well Red is taking to her new role.
We have teenagers at home and she’s naturally a very kind and polite woman, but she’s effortlessly putting small gestures and comments in when we’re alone that keeps me in my place. Reminding me that she’s in control and that I should remember how lucky I am to have her take this control away from me.
She’s also extremely good at reading me and seems to know when I need comfort and when I need discipline.

Yesterday is a good example of that. I’m still on an extremely low calorie diet in preparation for my surgery this weekend and I wasn’t feeling great when I got back from work. Red saw that I wasn’t doing well and had trouble regulating my mood so she allowed me to cook dinner for myself before I prepared the meal for her and the kids, and she told me to put my head in her lap for cuddling while we waited for the food to finish cooking in the oven.
This tender act of love and affection felt so great. There was no strictness but I felt my submissiveness earnestly.

Little did I know that the day would get even better.
Later in the evening I asked Red if I could be unlocked for a quick shower. She agreed and joined me in the bathroom.
I could tell from the look in her eyes that she had something in mind and as I soaped my privates diligently she took of her socks and rolled up her sleeves before she entered the shower.
What followed was an amazing edging session that nearly had me whimpering at times. I knew I wasn’t allowed to cum and she teased and edged me closer and closer each time.
Ever since she learned about ruined orgasms, Red has had a fixation on them. We’ve tried it twice before, but we both got so excited that I ended up having a real orgasm. Red was actually quite sad about it the second time it happened. She told me she felt like she had ruined it for me by making me cum before she intended to and she also felt disappointed that she didn’t do it the way she wanted.
Now, yesterday was something else.
She teased and played with me and this time she stopped at the exact right moment.
I’ve never experienced anything like it.
I could feel the semen leaking out of me in a dribble, but there was no climax. I actually got harder instead of softer as it happened and I felt no drop in arousal or excitement.
Later in the evening I said something that I might end up regretting, because Red didn’t hesitate to say she agreed.
I told her I wouldn’t be against having 90% of my orgasms ruined from now on…

We ended the night like we usually do these days. Red tells me she needs to have an orgasm to sleep well so I do my best to make her happy.
She’s loving the big dildo, especially now that we’ve discovered that she’s capable of having an orgasm from penetration alone when I fuck her with it. Foxing has become a staple of our sex life at this point.

I’m having surgery on Saturday, the 15th. Red has more or less let me know that I will get a release on Friday, Valentine’s Day.
The chance of serious complications from the surgery is low, but I can sense that we’re both a bit apprehensive and want to make Friday night special.
I’m afraid of being low on energy and unable to give Red the experience she deserves. I have a tendency to get in my own head about these things and part of me just want to stay locked, but that’s not an option. I need to uncage before the procedure anyway, and I of course want to have "normal" sex with the woman I love, but I do feel some performance anxiety if I’m being honest.
I know it’s going to be a beautiful night because Red and I communicate better than ever, and she is always so patient and sweet with me if I get any performance issues.

This got heavier than I meant for it to be. I’m signing off for a while. I might browse the forum, but I probably won’t update this until Monday at the earliest.

As always, thoughts and comments are welcome.