I can understand how your wife feels. When the matter was first brought up to me, I was absolutely horrified. And I am not a person who was unfamiliar with unusual intimacy choices. While I’m no longer horrified by it, I still obviously have serious issues with it.Chastityat60 wrote: ↑Mon Jan 27, 2025 1:42 pm I would imagine there are several ways of doing most things. I would also contend that there are but a few ways to bring chastity into a relationship.
My quick story only shows how eager I was to bring Chastity into our marriage. By purchasing a device and allowing myself to build high hopes in expectations of my wife’s full acceptance and participation. Nope..didn’t happen…
I found myself trying to convince her how much fun it could be. She told me that she did not need another thing to manage i.e. being a keyholder and deciding when we should have sex.
So I have gone through phases of purchasing devices and re-introducing it, being rejected, , throwing it all away., 3x over the past 10 years..
my wife is 85% vanilla.. that 15% is crazy fun, but she just cannot accept the cage.not on any level..
Even when I was self locking for a time, she interpreted it as somehow I was not interested in her when in fact, I was aching for her and wanting her.
She would not play along with the game nor would she participate in my fantasy..
She is just not wired that way. She wants me to be the initiator of our intimate time. She also knows without a doubt that she is free to say no whenever she likes. And she will not participate in obligatory sex as I have heard mentioned earlier. She’s my perfectly lovely giving life partner. my wife… I would love for her to participate and maybe someday she may ask about it, but I have decided that my love and commitment to her is enough to keep me doing the things that I do(Even without a cage)
I have decided that for the foreseeable future I will not bring it up. Apparently, I have done it in all the wrong ways., And even though she knows, I would love to play this game, she also knows I will not keep asking her to do something either out of her comfort zone or against her core beliefs.. .
And even when I was self locking for several months, my behavior and my attentiveness towards my wife did not change. The key Hung in a discrete place where she knew full well my desire for her to take them and hide them in someway. Instead, it became a reminder of something that she did not want to do. So I have decided I do not want to try and change my wife regarding Chasity.
It may work for you, and I really hope it does if it is something you are both agreeable to. I only post this because you also deserve to not participate if you choose not to. If he loves you, he will respect that.
BTW.. There ARE other games … maybe you 2 can find another one that works for you both..
Ps: I wish I had the information on this site before I ever
purchased my first device and so clumsily tried to Incorporate it into our already wonderful marriage ..
My initial concerns were (and some of these were very similar to your wife’s, and continue to this day):
1) can this possibly be safe and healthy for a person that I love?
2) I am a mother, active in my community, and a person who works two jobs one of them very complex and one of them not so much. I literally do not have time to deal with someone else wanting something from me. I make probably 10,000 decisions a day ranging from complicated tax matters, to interpersonal connections, to how to appropriately parent, to what to have for dinner, I don’t want add one more thing to that list. This is called the “mental load.” I would strongly encourage you to look up that term and research what that term means specifically in relation to women.
3) why am I not enough for my partner? Why does he need one more thing in order to make him feel secure in our relationship?
It may be that if you can alleviate some of the mental load from your wife without asking her to participate in your chastity journey, she may be more willing to at least hear you out about it.
