[Lotus_Eater] Still figuring this out

[Lotus_Eater]

Does this sound familiar to anyone? Mortgage. Children. Quarterly sex. A rut. I bet you in German, there’s a word for it.

How many times did we try to shake things up? How many times did we try to find a way out of the rut. Mandatory sex on Wednesdays. Sofa dates. They’d all work.. for a while and then two months later you’re back in a rut.

A few years ago, I approached my wife about wanting her to be a domme. Well, it went about as well as you’d expect. Jenn is about as vanilla as they come and I couldn’t even get her to initiate sex.

But then a bit over a year ago I had an idea. Or I read it somewhere. I don’t know. Let’s just say it was my idea, brilliant as it was. I was going to be a lifestyle service sub. Jenn was a full-time mom to tweens so most of the housework was hers to do.

“Mitch, go sit down, the dishes are my job”.

“Mitch, I’m mopping tomorrow”.

What did I want from her in exchange? Simply whisper “good boy” in my ear.

She demurred at first. It felt too transactional. But as you can imagine, it didn’t take long for her to get over it.

This evolved from there. We added nuzzles and adult breast feeding (simulated - we’re in our early 50s, who has time for that). I was her good boy and she was my… well, we hadn’t found a term she found acceptable yet. Mommy gave her the icks. In fact the breast feeding was called “my special treat” but she would cradle my head and tell me I was doing such a good job.. so what do I care about labels.

We were definitely out of our rut. Our sex life was incredible. We dated each other again. Our kids were barfing in their mouths. Go play on your iPads, Mom and Dad need some alone time.

Then, a bit over seven months ago, I was looking at r/gentlefemdom and I ran across male chastity….

[Sam3655]

And…….?

Continue, pray tell

[Lotus_Eater]

And…….?

Continue, pray tell

I quickly found my way to r/chastitytraining. I’m a person with insatiable curiosity. I read and read and I was intrigued to say the least. Sure, there were hundreds or thousands of garbage posts by horny little guys trying to figure out how to orgasm by sticking whatever up their ass and I dismissed them all. But there were a few posts from guys like me, either men my age or younger men whose lives seemed familiar to me, men I could identify with. And every one of them had given up their sexual agency and given control to their wives, their fiancés, their girlfriends.

I really didn’t understand it. I wanted to though. But I was scared.

I wrote a post on r/BDSMAdvice trying to get some perspective. All of these seemingly normal men who had given up what I always thought of as quintessentially part of the masculine experience: sex. I mean from the age of.. I don’t know, 12?, most of my thoughts and energy were ultimately intended to get me laid (with mixed results). But here is this whole swath of men who had given it up.. willingly. And not because they wanted to practice some sort of acetic lifestyle for a god but because they found a satisfaction in knowing the number of orgasms they had left in their lives could be expressed with two digits.. or one.. or simply a 0.

My post reflected my trepidation. I saw chastity as somehow pernicious; that putting on a cage would change what I want as a sexual creature. It seemed like a slippery slope and that once you head down that rabbit hole, the jouney changes you, changes you from a recognizable man who is unhappy with his sex life to a man who, while otherwise identifiable, is completely alien.

I likened these men to the Lotus Eaters of Greek mythology.

But I mentioned I am always curious. So, I bought a cage from Amazon. One of those HTv5 knockoffs that’s made by a company that sounds like an IKEA sofa. I told Jenn all about it and when the cage arrived two days later it sat there unopened. I was literally scared.

Jenn told me to just return it or throw it away. But curiosity won and I started wearing it. I followed the usual advice. I was just self locking and it was really no big deal. But I didn’t expect it to be. I had read enough and I knew that it would take Jenn’s participation.. she would need to deny me what we had just fixed in our marriage.

About ten days later, Jenn agreed. I wrote a contract for a month-long trial and we went down the rabbit hole together. Except perhaps it would be better to say we went to the Isle of the Lotus Eaters. Because after about ten days or so, I really understood. I understood why these men had done what they did.

That was seven months ago.

I actively contribute to r/chastitytraining where I try to help people with comfort issues. My username doesn’t reflect my status as a full-time chastity user. But I’ve since joined CM and here. And of course there was only one username that made sense.

[Mr Pickle]

Does this sound familiar to anyone? Mortgage. Children. Quarterly sex. A rut. I bet you in German, there’s a word for it.

Married with kids?

I was told there was a magic food that when eaten by a woman would instanly kill her sex drive".

The food was called 'Wedding cake'

Happy to hear you found something that worked for you.

[InversionOfControl]

Welcome to the forum! I recognise you from Reddit! I’ve enjoyed your comments on a lot of posts. Today you asked me to review the difference between the Holy Trainer and a knockoff for another reddit user!

Your intro post is very similar to our story. And can I just say— this

> the breast feeding was called “my special treat” but she would cradle my head and tell me I was doing such a good job..

Oh my, how divine! That sounds heavenly.

I’m glad you’re here!

[Lotus_Eater]

Thank you @InversionOfControl. And I love a good design pattern nerd when I see them.

To continue..

Jenn and I started with what was supposed to be a two month initial lockup but due to circumstances it turned into 31 days. I got to experience what I wanted to experience: that dopamine high you hear espoused in the community. As the days past and circumstances finally would allow for a release, I was at best ambivalent. I would have been perfectly happy going another 31 days. But, for the same reason I put my first cage on, I wanted my first post-chastity orgasm.. and it was..

A complete let down.

Yep. I don’t know why but it actually burned a bit. Perhaps I should see a urologist but doesn’t seem serious enough and unless someone here says “omg, you have sperm cancer” it’s not a big deal. But it does seem after longer lockups, the first orgasm actually has a bit of a sting to it.

Anyway, since my 31 days of riding the dopamine high had ended, we continued having sex a few times over the next few days with me returning to my cage as soon as Jack was able to squeeze back into his box. And then Jenn signaled it was time for me to go under again.

Since that time, I think I’ve come to learn that the dopamine high and the PNC low are really more in your head than anything. Sure, I feel a build over the first two weeks and a slight let down when I finally climax but it doesn’t feel as extreme as it’s made out to be. And I think my first experiences were more psychosomatic than anything. I think there is a true physiological component to it but mainly, it’s just in my (or our) head(s).

So, over the past seven months, we’ve found a more realistic way of practicing chastity, a more mature way perhaps. And a way that ameliorates some of the downsides for Jenn – that I can’t initiate. After about a month of so of being locked up, she’ll let me out and be all domme for me. I’ll immediately lock back up but she’ll just leave the key on her nightstand. The expectation is I make use of the key and initiate over the next few days. When she’s ready, the key just disappears and I know I’m going back under for some number of weeks.

We’ve done it that way for the past three months and finding the key gone, sometimes I’m excited, sometimes I’m forlorn.. Jenn, I wasn’t ready. Too bad, I was.

Sometimes Jenn, my vanilla as can be wife surprises me. She’ll say something that Tom Van Allen would be happy to put on a picture of a mature and sexy woman holding a cage in her hand and I do a double take.. and then I spend the next five hours fantasizing about it. But other times, it’s like I’m pulling teeth to get her to help me keep this up. Because remember, this is what has saved us from the rut and sometimes I feel like the entire burden of our marriage is on me.

But that’s my next post.

[Tongue+groove]

I don’t know why but it actually burned a bit.

Same thing with me on my first 30 day lockup. It happened on one other occasion after a long lockup, not sure how long. It’s almost as if you strained a muscle that hadn’t been used in some time. Getting an occasional leaking edging or ruined seems to help.

[denied_one]

Welcome here, I do enjoy your posts on CM as well. This is a great thread! How's it's going post New Years for you and Jenn?