For me, chastity has always felt like a conversation, so self locking always feels like talking to myself. Can be productive short term, but just gets boring trying to have a long conversation with yourself.
This hasn’t been so bad so far, but to explain why, I need a lot of back story. Feel free to tune out and wait for a better post.
I had my last orgasm 10 days before November ended, and in those ten days, I wore the cage for about five. It was intended to be a sort of prologue to get me warmed up, and it … didn’t really do much. Maybe it helped. Things are so less intense when they originate from me.
On November 30th, uncaged, I explained to my wife that I wanted to lock up before I went to bed, wake up caged in December, and that I had an algorithm devised to decide my cage time. She was on board, didn’t ask about the algorithm, and on that Saturday night, we had some really good sex, no orgasm for me, and then I locked up.
Over the next week, during sexual encounters, she asked a couple of times about when I would unlock, and my answer was truthful, that I didn’t know. But as I have always maintained when I’ve tried self locking in the past, if she wants it off, I will take it off while we have sex. Nope, she was good, just wondering, but not yet interested in an explanation of the algorithm (I didn’t call it that when I was talking to her).
When she asked the third time, I told her that I thought it was important for me to explain it to her, so she would know what to expect, and so she would know I wasn’t secretly waiting for her to break and let me out, trying to put her in charge behind her back. Also, as I was slowly getting to a point where, if my algorithm didn’t release me, I was hoping she would. She really likes my penis (it is a pretty good one), and I was hoping she could resist and see this for an excitement and anticipation building experience for her as well. It pained me to say that. I thought if I explained the system to her, she could have more faith that I wouldn’t be locked up forever.
The system : I’m using Chaster to set timers that I can’t see. On the morning of December 1st, I set a Chaster timer for between 1 and 8 days, just to get started. The timer is hidden from me, so I won’t have any foreknowledge, as that knowing seems to really mess with me. When the timer runs down, I don’t unlock. I roll an 8 sided dice (eight is our orgasm safe word). If it comes up 3 through 8, I stay locked and restart a new timer, minimum 1 day, maximum whatever was on the dice. If it’s a 1 or a 2, I get to unlock and stay unlocked until she decides to have 1 or 2 orgasms, and then I roll again. If I’m unlocked, only a 1 keeps me out, everything else is lock back up, and start a random timer.
It’s much easier to explain verbally, and she appreciated that it wasn’t a complicated system. She understood that I am trying to accomplish something, and said she would resist interfering.
And yesterday, it got dangerous. I always get up before her, and the timer had finished sometime overnight. I decided to wait until she was up and sitting in bed drinking coffee, and then I went in and told her it was time for me to roll the die. The timer had already popped twice before, and I rolled a 4 and a 7, but this was the first she would witness, and her eyes lit up with a little genuine interest. I rolled the die on the bed, picked it up, and said, “Fuck me … 7.” She smiled and chuckled, and we went about our day. I set the new timer.
Last night, we were in the bathroom together for a couple of minutes, and she said, “Seven days, huh?” She knows, one to seven random. I responded, “yeah, but if that’s too much, I’ll understand if you don’t want to wait.” It was an apologetic, not teasing or enticing, offer from me. I don’t want to burden her with this if she hates it.
“I know you want me to ask you to take it off, but it’s not going to happen.” She turned to me with a big shit eating grin, “Fuck around and find out. You may have written yourself a never ending story.” And she gave me a pat on the back as she left the bathroom.
So, I have created what could be a brutal algorithm, and then I accidentally got my wife invested in the outcome more than I expected. She interested, and she’s going to hold me sort of accountable in some way.
Other than that, she’s been receptive. She’s been willing to cuddle more, which is really helpful for the touch that I crave so much more. I have been surprised at my own changes emotionally. Self locking doesn’t usually make me as affectionate, but it’s definitely there this time, although not as much as if it was coming from her. The arousal is also far less. I’m sitting at 21 days, maybe 22 right now, which should be the first plateau for me, but I’m not even close to that yet. Really hoping there’s an unexpected jump in that somewhere. It’s hard to even tell if it’s building, or just coming and going.
[cuyahoga] Chapter Two
Re: [cuyahoga] Chapter Two
Just for my own record of events … “she’s dealing with something” is a code for me that I’m familiar with and know what it means. It’s ended this stuff before, and it has ended it again.
Back to hoping. (please don’t comment; there’s no point.)
Back to hoping. (please don’t comment; there’s no point.)