Hi all. I'm new to this whole thing and right now I'm confused and torn and any input is greatly appreciated.
Here is the situation. My wife and I are both in our early 50s, both straight, pretty vanilla. In the beginning, our sex life and intimacy was amazing. Frequent, fulfilling and satisfying for both, mostly vanilla, but that's what we both wanted. Then she entered pre-menopause and it came to a grinding halt. Absolutely no more sex or intimacy. I got educated and understood and loved and supported her completely. My dilemma started last weekend. She called me in to the living room and said she needed my help with something. When I came in, she pulled the blanket she had over her down and showed me her bare breasts. She said "I'm so incredibly horny, come suck my tits". I was stunned but ecstatic and obliged, that being one of my favorite things to do. I worshipped her breasts and nipples with my hands and mouth for a long time, before she said "I need to cum, eat my pussy". Again I gladly obliged, that being another one of my favorite things to do. It didn't take long before she had what seemed to be a mind blowing orgasm. I scooted up and got ready to insert myself into her because that's what she used to love. But she put her hand on my chest and said "no, that's all, maybe you get to do that again some time but not now". I was stunned and shocked. She went on to explain that we are now having a different kind of arrangement. That I was to service and satisfy her like this when she wanted and that maybe there would be occasions where I will be allowed inside her. But that it wasn't at all about me, it was all for her pleasure. I was confused but I let it rest for the time, still trying to process what she just told me. The next day I was walking by her and playfully squeezed her butt and kissed her neck. She said nicely but firmly "don't do that, I haven't told you to touch me". That was also when she told me that all my sexual activity was to come exclusively from her, not even masturbating and that she was considering putting my penis in a cage. More shock and confusion. The following day, she had me service her again like the first day and again denied me any release. This is where I am now. I am very happy for her that she has rediscovered her sexuality. I absolutely love satisfying her. I love playing with her breasts and going down on her. But I'm so torn. I have never been submissive, our sex had always been mutually fulfilling and we never even had a hint of any kind of D/s dynamic. What am I supposed to do? Go along with it and learn to completely embrace this arrangement, or stand my ground and risk losing what I have right now? Could this just be a phase she's in and could it slowly normalize again over time? If not, could this be something that I can learn to be fulfilled and satisfied with? I'd love to hear if anyone has gone through something similar. Thanks.
Seeking help and advice
Re: Seeking help and advice
It is very odd that she would come up with this out of nowhere. Communication would be my next step.
Will you enjoy it? We can’t answer that. We are a forum of people that do enjoy it, so there’s going to be bias here.
Should you stand your ground? You’re married; you should talk. Find out what her plan actually is, what her expectations are. Is this a trial period? Is there room for negotiation? What happens if you don’t like it?
If you’ve literally never discussed something like this in your marriage, her implementation of this is unfair. You have a right to protest, and a right to expect to be heard. You may not like the results of the discussion, but you are owed that discussion.
Will you enjoy it? We can’t answer that. We are a forum of people that do enjoy it, so there’s going to be bias here.
Should you stand your ground? You’re married; you should talk. Find out what her plan actually is, what her expectations are. Is this a trial period? Is there room for negotiation? What happens if you don’t like it?
If you’ve literally never discussed something like this in your marriage, her implementation of this is unfair. You have a right to protest, and a right to expect to be heard. You may not like the results of the discussion, but you are owed that discussion.
Last edited by cuyahoga on Wed Nov 27, 2024 4:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Tongue+groove
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Re: Seeking help and advice
Yup communication is step one.
I can also tell you that this whole menopause thing can do all sorts of strange things. Be patient with her it’s a big deal for her.
Finally , as you open up the lines of communication, keep in mind if the tables were turned would she support you in the experience?
If you read on here enough you will find that most of the men who asked their women to be keyholders struggled with the initial conversation. I think it’s also safe to say that they found support for at least a trial run.
I can also tell you that this whole menopause thing can do all sorts of strange things. Be patient with her it’s a big deal for her.
Finally , as you open up the lines of communication, keep in mind if the tables were turned would she support you in the experience?
If you read on here enough you will find that most of the men who asked their women to be keyholders struggled with the initial conversation. I think it’s also safe to say that they found support for at least a trial run.
She says ‘it’s cute’ in the nub. 
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Mr Pickle
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Re: Seeking help and advice
This idea has certainly certainly come from somewhere and it is in principal what we on this site live for.
I would enquire as to the source of this new line of thought just so you know what you're getting into, and agree with above that comunicatiin is key.
Otherwise.. I guess you have to take the red pill or the blue pill Neo?
Obviously I'm biased and would say jump in with both feet. Bye bye cansass, hello new and exciting (in a scary way) life. The sex is different but oh boy it gets good.
I would enquire as to the source of this new line of thought just so you know what you're getting into, and agree with above that comunicatiin is key.
Otherwise.. I guess you have to take the red pill or the blue pill Neo?
Obviously I'm biased and would say jump in with both feet. Bye bye cansass, hello new and exciting (in a scary way) life. The sex is different but oh boy it gets good.
Me. "I only got 30 seconds, that's not fair". C. "life's not fair, suck it up" 
Re: Seeking help and advice
On the one hand, she should have asked you if you’re into this before starting in on it. On the other hand, if you do find you’re into it, you have what many of us can only dream of: an enthusiastic keyholder, and you could diminish it by starting to negotiate. I suggest giving it a try for maybe a month and if you can’t get into it, tell her you’re only going to indulge it occasionally.
But contrary to the typical advice, I wouldn’t necessarily communicate all that up front. If you can indulge in and enjoy it as if she really does have all the power, you might be better off than if you negotiated everything up front.
Also, you don’t have to think of yourself as submissive. Think of the act of satisfying a demanding woman as dominant and locking up your cock as a courageous act to direct all your sexual attention to her.
But contrary to the typical advice, I wouldn’t necessarily communicate all that up front. If you can indulge in and enjoy it as if she really does have all the power, you might be better off than if you negotiated everything up front.
Also, you don’t have to think of yourself as submissive. Think of the act of satisfying a demanding woman as dominant and locking up your cock as a courageous act to direct all your sexual attention to her.
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Tongue+groove
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Re: Seeking help and advice
The more I come back to this thread the more I imagine being in such a situation. As it is Mrs. Groove and I have always been pretty handsy. I would probably go plum nuts if permission had to be granted to touch. What a way to treat your queen. I’m game for a trial run.
I’m curious to see how this works for infrequent_flyer.
I’m curious to see how this works for infrequent_flyer.
She says ‘it’s cute’ in the nub.
Re: Seeking help and advice
Its a tough one which I find hard to answer, we have always had a moderately adventurous approach and both of us were game to try most things (with limits) for the first 15 or so years, an early menopause stopped that. I broached the subject of cages over 10 years ago, and although reluctant she gave it a go for me, now she's loving it but it was a long, slow process and I didn't push the whole concept on her suddenly. I do, however feel extenely fulfilled and satisfied nowadays, which I didnt before caging.
So as T&G wisely said if the tables were turned you would hope she would support you, so why not give it a go, have you anything to lose?
Most of the men here are biased, as I am, i would have loved it if she'd jumped that on me out of the blue 10 years ago, but we're all different. Just look at a few journals and you see there are many paths to this point.
So as T&G wisely said if the tables were turned you would hope she would support you, so why not give it a go, have you anything to lose?
Most of the men here are biased, as I am, i would have loved it if she'd jumped that on me out of the blue 10 years ago, but we're all different. Just look at a few journals and you see there are many paths to this point.
Re: Seeking help and advice
I can tell you it's tough, since September no way can I even ask for permission to touch . Its amazingTongue+groove wrote: ↑Thu Nov 28, 2024 8:24 am
.... I would probably go plum nuts if permission had to be granted to touch. What a way to treat your queen. I’m game for a trial run.
.
Re: Seeking he
Many will think I am making this up but I do not care. I am 73, married 52 years to a bisexual woman who had her bi girlfriend live with us for more than half of our marriage. This started pre internet so we never knew it was called a poly triad. The other issue was back then no one, not even the LGBT people believed bisexuality was real. Theylabelled my two women as lesbians in the closet. So basically we used no labels and to us it was just our normal life. Never met others like us nor sort them out.
I not only engaged in threesomes a few nights each week but also did one on one with each woman after our threesome. You may think that is a lot f orgasms but it was not. Neither woman wanted PIV or oral sex from me. My penis is 4.2 inches erect except it stopped getting erected, first due to needed medication then old age. Viagra did not help.
My wife had many operations on her pussy making PIV sex painful while her girlfriend was a big woman, not fat, just big with a pussy that could not fell my penis. They both said oral was better with women so even oral was very rare. Sex for the last 35 years has been masturbating while they ladies inflicted sexual pain. Not as bad as it sounds since I am very into BDSM since it worked well for me sr sully since my penis was useless. Some even mailed me ads for penis enlargers after we broke up.
Luckily, my wife’s gf is very dominant and loved inflicting sexual pain. She would sigh with pleasure as I mossed in pain. Her thighs would be soaked with her lubrication while whipping me bloody. She was a true sadist with a chip on her shoulder from seeing men promoted over her dispute having two Master degrees. So it worked that it well. I really did not want normal sex. I could orgasm as soon as a lit cigarette was put out on the head of my cock. Still have the burn marks.
15 years ago we retired and out gf could not come with us at the last minute so it was a problem. My wife is not aroused by a penis so we went a year without sex. Funny thing is that she loves me a lot and shows it daily. Just not that into sex with guys. She even fucked my best friend and did not orgasm or come close to it. That night she told me she s done with men except me. Maybe because I made enough money that it was never an issue and provided her with a lifestyle few can enjoy.
In any event, my life was not normal. This is where chastity came to our rescue. I enjoy BDSM more than having orgasms so I am happy. She enjoys having sex all about her pleasure. Sure there is the very occasional orgasm for me but it just permission to jerk off while she only cums using her vibrator. She does enjoy me kissing her and fondling her breasts though. We are both happy.
We went through me wearing female clothes and all the other things people do in chastity. We like to explore limits and push them but eventually we get bored and look for new things to do to keep it fresh. We have has a very happy life. We pretty much tried every fetish we could find at one time or another, even the disgusting ones. We enjoy trying new things.
Yet I am always the head of household. My wife refuses to lead our marriage and for a good reason. She went to a trade school instead of a regular high school while I spent my school years in private schools for gifted students on scholarships. I also ran large corporations and have been to 23 countries and 26 States. No kidding. I just was more qualified to run our marriage and never wanted to mess it up just for a sexual fetish. As much as possible we lived our sex life as a long time BDSM couple taught us. We left our fetish play in the bedroom and led a normal life once outside the bedroom. As much as possible.
So my advice is to leave your fetish play in the bedroom so to speak and live your marriage as normally as you can. Even though I had two women punching me in the face and balls during sex, once done I became the head of household because to was best for our poly triad. Enjoy your fetishes but do not let them ruin your life. We saw many couples divorce due to trying to live their fetish 24/7.
I not only engaged in threesomes a few nights each week but also did one on one with each woman after our threesome. You may think that is a lot f orgasms but it was not. Neither woman wanted PIV or oral sex from me. My penis is 4.2 inches erect except it stopped getting erected, first due to needed medication then old age. Viagra did not help.
My wife had many operations on her pussy making PIV sex painful while her girlfriend was a big woman, not fat, just big with a pussy that could not fell my penis. They both said oral was better with women so even oral was very rare. Sex for the last 35 years has been masturbating while they ladies inflicted sexual pain. Not as bad as it sounds since I am very into BDSM since it worked well for me sr sully since my penis was useless. Some even mailed me ads for penis enlargers after we broke up.
Luckily, my wife’s gf is very dominant and loved inflicting sexual pain. She would sigh with pleasure as I mossed in pain. Her thighs would be soaked with her lubrication while whipping me bloody. She was a true sadist with a chip on her shoulder from seeing men promoted over her dispute having two Master degrees. So it worked that it well. I really did not want normal sex. I could orgasm as soon as a lit cigarette was put out on the head of my cock. Still have the burn marks.
15 years ago we retired and out gf could not come with us at the last minute so it was a problem. My wife is not aroused by a penis so we went a year without sex. Funny thing is that she loves me a lot and shows it daily. Just not that into sex with guys. She even fucked my best friend and did not orgasm or come close to it. That night she told me she s done with men except me. Maybe because I made enough money that it was never an issue and provided her with a lifestyle few can enjoy.
In any event, my life was not normal. This is where chastity came to our rescue. I enjoy BDSM more than having orgasms so I am happy. She enjoys having sex all about her pleasure. Sure there is the very occasional orgasm for me but it just permission to jerk off while she only cums using her vibrator. She does enjoy me kissing her and fondling her breasts though. We are both happy.
We went through me wearing female clothes and all the other things people do in chastity. We like to explore limits and push them but eventually we get bored and look for new things to do to keep it fresh. We have has a very happy life. We pretty much tried every fetish we could find at one time or another, even the disgusting ones. We enjoy trying new things.
Yet I am always the head of household. My wife refuses to lead our marriage and for a good reason. She went to a trade school instead of a regular high school while I spent my school years in private schools for gifted students on scholarships. I also ran large corporations and have been to 23 countries and 26 States. No kidding. I just was more qualified to run our marriage and never wanted to mess it up just for a sexual fetish. As much as possible we lived our sex life as a long time BDSM couple taught us. We left our fetish play in the bedroom and led a normal life once outside the bedroom. As much as possible.
So my advice is to leave your fetish play in the bedroom so to speak and live your marriage as normally as you can. Even though I had two women punching me in the face and balls during sex, once done I became the head of household because to was best for our poly triad. Enjoy your fetishes but do not let them ruin your life. We saw many couples divorce due to trying to live their fetish 24/7.
Re: Seeking help and advice he
I was always the dominant sex partner. Former gang member, High School jock and combat vet. Married a virgin who never even masturbated, had an orgasm or seen an adult man naked. Very religious upbringing. After a few years of sex with me having to teach her anatomy and sex, she found herself sexually attracted to her girlfriend. Long story involving sex with my friend to just let her explore sex but ended with her never wanting sex with other men again.
Soon thereafter she arranged a threesome with her girlfriend which ended up in a 20 year poly triad with her girlfriend living with us full and part-time depending on where we moved to and her obligations. Her girlfriend is very sexually dominant. Sighed with pleasure when I moaned in pain. After whipping me raw her thighs were soaked with her sexual lubrication. Would not even fuck unless she was on top and even then only did it three times before stopping.
Our nightly sex was me assisting my wife and gf give each other orgasms. Then they would do some BDSM stuff on me together and again with me just with her gf fr the more serious S&M stuff. I learned that I enjoyed being sexually submissive. Not because I was not manly but because it was a good way to stop thinking of all the things in my job and life that stressed me out. I assure you that when being whipped for real, you are not going to be thinking of stressful things in tour life. For me it was an escape from reality.
Once our sex play was over I was in charge of our poly triad, not the women. Why? Mainly due to that I have a very dominant personality, made more money than both of them combined and am the product of private schools for gifted students scoring high enough on IQ test to get full scholarships in both my pre college and college schools. My point is that I was more qualified to lead our triad.
I have not had PIV or oral sex for over 35 years. I only get to perform oral twice a year. I was n the chastity honor system for 20 years due to no devices back in the old days that would fit me. Am now on my 15th year locked up. We do take a two week break each year to check that my penis is still functioning well plus breaks for medical reasons which occur each year since we are now in our 70s.
Sex is for my wife’s pleasure only as payback for full one on one access to her girlfriend. Typical night was a threesome followed by a BDSM session with the gf and maybe ,kissing my wife while she cums on her vibrator which is our only sex for the last 15 years. My wife has been trying to retrain my bran to just enjoy the sexual excitement I feel without needing the orgasm. Still a work in progress as I have not been able to go more than 5 months without an orgasm. Six is just me kissing and fondling my wife while she uses her vibrator to get a few orgasms. When I am allowed to orgasm I have to jerk off as she sexually tortures me.
As before, outside the bedroom I am head of household. We learned from a long time BDSM couple we met at a BDSM club that the secret to their longevity was to confine their fetish play to the bedrooms and not let it control their entire life. It works well for us. I know how sometimes you feel like you want to be a 24/7 slave but the reality is that unless you have some mental issues that need you to be a slave, the reality is that once the initial excitement wears off, you will wake up one morning not feeling like licking dog shit off of her shoes anymore. The idea is exciting but not so much the reality.
So, even though my wife welts my ass and punches my balls to get me to moan in pain which makes her cum harder, nice we leave the bedroom she is submissive to me in real life and wants it no other way. This is why we have lasted so long in a fetish sex life. I do not feel less as a man since I am intelligent enough to know the difference between real life and sexual fetishes. I have been told that husbands of my wife’s friends are afraid to hang out with me due to fear of making me mad as I look like a face scarred mafia hitman. Yet, I enjoy women sexually dominating me in the bedroom.
Soon thereafter she arranged a threesome with her girlfriend which ended up in a 20 year poly triad with her girlfriend living with us full and part-time depending on where we moved to and her obligations. Her girlfriend is very sexually dominant. Sighed with pleasure when I moaned in pain. After whipping me raw her thighs were soaked with her sexual lubrication. Would not even fuck unless she was on top and even then only did it three times before stopping.
Our nightly sex was me assisting my wife and gf give each other orgasms. Then they would do some BDSM stuff on me together and again with me just with her gf fr the more serious S&M stuff. I learned that I enjoyed being sexually submissive. Not because I was not manly but because it was a good way to stop thinking of all the things in my job and life that stressed me out. I assure you that when being whipped for real, you are not going to be thinking of stressful things in tour life. For me it was an escape from reality.
Once our sex play was over I was in charge of our poly triad, not the women. Why? Mainly due to that I have a very dominant personality, made more money than both of them combined and am the product of private schools for gifted students scoring high enough on IQ test to get full scholarships in both my pre college and college schools. My point is that I was more qualified to lead our triad.
I have not had PIV or oral sex for over 35 years. I only get to perform oral twice a year. I was n the chastity honor system for 20 years due to no devices back in the old days that would fit me. Am now on my 15th year locked up. We do take a two week break each year to check that my penis is still functioning well plus breaks for medical reasons which occur each year since we are now in our 70s.
Sex is for my wife’s pleasure only as payback for full one on one access to her girlfriend. Typical night was a threesome followed by a BDSM session with the gf and maybe ,kissing my wife while she cums on her vibrator which is our only sex for the last 15 years. My wife has been trying to retrain my bran to just enjoy the sexual excitement I feel without needing the orgasm. Still a work in progress as I have not been able to go more than 5 months without an orgasm. Six is just me kissing and fondling my wife while she uses her vibrator to get a few orgasms. When I am allowed to orgasm I have to jerk off as she sexually tortures me.
As before, outside the bedroom I am head of household. We learned from a long time BDSM couple we met at a BDSM club that the secret to their longevity was to confine their fetish play to the bedrooms and not let it control their entire life. It works well for us. I know how sometimes you feel like you want to be a 24/7 slave but the reality is that unless you have some mental issues that need you to be a slave, the reality is that once the initial excitement wears off, you will wake up one morning not feeling like licking dog shit off of her shoes anymore. The idea is exciting but not so much the reality.
So, even though my wife welts my ass and punches my balls to get me to moan in pain which makes her cum harder, nice we leave the bedroom she is submissive to me in real life and wants it no other way. This is why we have lasted so long in a fetish sex life. I do not feel less as a man since I am intelligent enough to know the difference between real life and sexual fetishes. I have been told that husbands of my wife’s friends are afraid to hang out with me due to fear of making me mad as I look like a face scarred mafia hitman. Yet, I enjoy women sexually dominating me in the bedroom.