floridakey59 wrote:New to the forum. Just researching the lifestyle and was glad to find a site not dictated by porn hubs. (Which I have never visited ). My interest is in learning how to be an excellent keyholder.
Welcome to the forum. The first advice I would give is understand what you as the woman in the relationship want from this. Your husband, if he is anything like most of us, has a fantasy of fulfilling your sexual desires. However, his idea of what your sexual desires are what they actually are may be miles apart. You will need to be assertive in teaching him and training him to be attentive to your needs and desires rather than his own fantasy.
As an example, before we started down the road of chastity, my wife was not assertive about her desires at all. She was very passive and just basically left it up to me to do whatever I wanted with her, even if she never got what she wanted. After several months of chastity with her just kind of losing interest in me, I finally put some pressure on her to open up about what she would really like from me.
To summarize it briefly, she wanted a lot more focus on cuddling, touching, and just holding each other. She also wanted my periods of lock up to be much longer than I ever expected. Not because she is cruel or anything, but from her perspective intercourse just seems like something to enjoy on special occasions. For her, intercourse is like a really rich dessert; it's not something to be indulged in at every meal. It's a special treat to be enjoyed on special occasions.
This was a tough adjustment for me. Over time I went from masturbating everyday to eventually going months between orgasms. But because of the commitment we made for me to be focused on her needs, we developed a very deep intimacy along the way. There were many nights when I was on the verge of tears just wanting to have an erection, not even an orgasm. She would hold me and kiss me and reassure me all the way through those times until I got through it.
By both of us committing to learning her needs and focusing on meeting them, we developed the kind of relationship I always dreamed of but never thought we would have. And you, as the keyholder, determine how much both of you will get from this. If you are serious about really understanding what you want, and committed to sometimes being tough with him to get there together, you both can have an amazing experience. Just take my advice, don't let this be all about his fantasy or you'll soon get tired of it and never get to the good stuff.
