Up all night; help!

[Shepherdsflock]

We are somewhere around the 6 week mark with chastity, I think. Most things have been pretty positive up until last night. My wife gave me my first real tease and denial last night. It wasn't really planned and maybe that's why it was so hard for me. Maybe I just wasn't prepared mentally.

We had planned on regular PIV intercourse, but upon removing her panties, my wife discovered she had a yeast infection. So, PIV was off the table. Instead she took a shower with me. She got me really worked up and then when I started gettinglimp when I drying off she had me lock up.

I was okay with it at that point. However, I think my mind and body expected more. We went to bed, but I had an intense erection (or semi-erection since I was locked) all night long. By 5:00 a.m. I was out of my mind. I woke her up asked for a hand job. She was kind of upset to be woken up, but she unlocked me and got me off.

My question for you experienced chastity guys is, how do keep this from happening? I really enjoyed being denied at first, but the sleep deprivation isn't fun. How do you calm your body down after a tease and denial so you're not kept awake all night?

[She decides]

6 weeks with 1 real T and D session?

Her T and D of you is the whole point. If you're teased and denied constantly you'll be aroused and hot for her constantly, which will cause you to want to be extra nice to her and do things for her, which will make her want to tease and deny you even more... It's a visous circle!

I can't imagine 6 weeks...... I get a physical session every couple days, my wife orgasms almost daily either by her hand while she makes me watch (which IS a T and D session in itself) or by my tounge. I get mentally teased daily by sexy texts, a phone call or a whisper in my ear, etc.

Husband chastity is about more sex, not less. I hope you're not saying that it's only once in 6 weeks.....

As far as "up all night goes", I'm constantly aroused, I'm used to it. I just go to sleep.

[TwistedMister]

My question for you experienced chastity guys is, how do keep this from happening?

You don't. Eventually, you'll get used to it and be able to go to sleep in spite of being aroused.

You woke her up to ask/tell her to give you a HJ, and she did? I don't think she's quite got the concept yet.

I woke up this morning with an erection that wouldn't quit, with some pain from hairs being pulled. I laid there for a while and then finally got up and made coffee. Sometimes it's almost like an alarm clock. But wake the Mrs. up for a HJ? Hahaha, she'd be furious at being woke up, and then she'd laugh at me straining and unable to get off.

Being able to get a HJ just because you wake her up and ask for it sort of 'breaks' the 'game'. Usually, part of the idea is that you *don't* get to get off just because you got a little horny, instead, she uses her ability to control/deny to get more attention for herself while making *you* wait until she's ready to *reward* you; to increase your desire for orgasm in such a way and to such an extent that you will modify your behavior in a manner that appeals to her in order to be allowed the reward of orgasm.

If she had a better grasp of the concept she would have fondled and squeezed your pent-up package of desire and said something like "Get your ass out of bed, go [do some chore that has been left undone] and come back with breakfast and coffee at 8, and then we'll talk about when your next orgasm will be."

[Shepherdsflock]

We're still new to this. Up until now, it's just been business as usual, except that I stay locked between sex. We typically have sex once a week, sometimes a little less if we're really busy.

Tease and denial hasn't been a part of our sex life. I have gone to bed aroused several times already, but it has never kept me awake like that. It was like suffering priapism or something. It was intense, painful, and I definitely could not sleep.

[Caged55]

You certainly get used to it, my longest stretch just ended this morning after a full month in permanent chastity, I was allowed out last night,with the promise of "hands-above the blanket" I was allowed to sleep without the cage, granted I had literally what felt a permanent erection, and in the morning allowed to lease my KH for the first time in over a month, with my penis. She even allowed me to orgasm by masturbating for her, a first in over 48 days... I was up all night wondering if she wanted PIV in the morning. But getting back into chastity, I do still wake up some nights, with a raging "caged" hard-on, but roll over and enjoy the "caged" or restricted feeling, knowing my erections and sexuality is owned and controlled by my KH.

I have accepted its a way of life we chose, and it works for us. Its gets bad if after a long period of denial, I start leaking semen so much that she demands I sleep on a towel... for us it ads to teh sexuality of chastity, and its well worth a few sleepless nights. Try getting an afternoon nap on weekends with your KH to catch up on some sleep deprivation - but ultimately its all in the mind, I have accepted chastity as a permanent way of life, and yes it does wake me up sometimes... but its so woorth it in the long-run

[Shepherdsflock]

I've had several nocturnal erections, but that particular night it lasted over six hours and was starting to hurt really bad. It didn't seem like typical caged erection discomfort.

[Betterthansmith]

My question for you experienced chastity guys is, how do keep this from happening?

You don't. Eventually, you'll get used to it and be able to go to sleep in spite of being aroused.

You woke her up to ask/tell her to give you a HJ, and she did? I don't think she's quite got the concept yet.

I woke up this morning with an erection that wouldn't quit, with some pain from hairs being pulled. I laid there for a while and then finally got up and made coffee. Sometimes it's almost like an alarm clock. But wake the Mrs. up for a HJ? Hahaha, she'd be furious at being woke up, and then she'd laugh at me straining and unable to get off.

Being able to get a HJ just because you wake her up and ask for it sort of 'breaks' the 'game'. Usually, part of the idea is that you *don't* get to get off just because you got a little horny, instead, she uses her ability to control/deny to get more attention for herself while making *you* wait until she's ready to *reward* you; to increase your desire for orgasm in such a way and to such an extent that you will modify your behavior in a manner that appeals to her in order to be allowed the reward of orgasm.

If she had a better grasp of the concept she would have fondled and squeezed your pent-up package of desire and said something like "Get your ass out of bed, go [do some chore that has been left undone] and come back with breakfast and coffee at 8, and then we'll talk about when your next orgasm will be."

All of the above. You've saved me 5 minutes typing.

[Aarkey]

We are somewhere around the 6 week mark with chastity, I think... my wife discovered she had a yeast infection. So, PIV was off the table. Instead she took a shower with me. She got me really worked up and then when I started gettinglimp when I drying off she had me lock up.

I was okay with it at that point. However, I think my mind and body expected more. We went to bed, but I had an intense erection (or semi-erection since I was locked) all night long. By 5:00 a.m. I was out of my mind. I woke her up asked for a hand job. She was kind of upset to be woken up, but she unlocked me and got me off. My question for you experienced chastity guys is, how do keep this from happening? I really enjoyed being denied at first, but the sleep deprivation isn't fun. How do you calm your body down after a tease and denial so you're not kept awake all night?

Hi Shepherdsflock, and welcome to the board. Based on your join date to the site, and the fact that you said you were at the 6 week mark, I'm guessing you are pretty new to all of this.

With that in mind, sleep is an issue for many of us. Some men say "just keep at it, it will come." But for me, that wasn't the case. And getting comfortable in the early days for most isn't always easy, if the device is the right fit for you, eventually you do get used to it. When I started in chastity play (12 years ago) I couldn't get a good night's sleep. My g/f at the time didn't force to sleep in the belt, and though it got a bit easier, it wasn't until I got a custom sized one that sleep got to be much easier. Now, it is a non-issue - but when I was trying to make the CB3000/6000 work, it wasn't successful. FWIW, it seems tougher for younger men than older, higher sex drive causes it mostly I think.

Personally, I'm not a huge fan of intentional teasing. I find that it causes me more discomfort by blue balls than I like, so I generally don't seek it. Oh, I get teased and denied quite a bit, but it is more of an incidental thing than an intentional thing. I'm often encouraged to get her off, I am allowed out for sex (sometimes with numbing cream or using a hollowed out dildo.) So I can get quite frustrated w/o release. But the goal isn't the frustration, the goal is to provide joy to my KH.

There are lots of ways to calm down to help you sleep. The classic cold showers (or the more extreme ice/frozen peas) helps some men. Meditation and patient breathing help me. Plus reading something not at all exciting can help take my mind off it a bit.

But like TwistedMister (who I will respond to below) if I were to wake up my g/f and ask for an orgasm in the middle of the night, it would not be well received. I have learned over the years that women are generally understanding, but as I want to have a woman in my life who feels empowered and not burdened, I am VERY tempered about whining or asking for things, especially about chastity. FWIW, if I whined about chastity at all with my ex wife, she would stop incorporating it entire for a period of time to punish me. And while the struggle of chastity was sometimes rough, knowing I had displeased her and being denied the "fun of being denied" was much rougher.

Here's an FAQ for beginners I wrote years ago, it might help you: http://www.aarkey.info/chas/

6 weeks with 1 real T and D session? Her T and D of you is the whole point... Husband chastity is about more sex, not less.

Not in my dyanmic. Her assertion of power, and specifically her control of my orgasms is the whole point for us. As to the sex, in my case it is more often, but that doesn't mean it is the case for all dynamics. Heck I know many other couples where the women like locking up their partner and absolutely denying him sex of any kind!

You woke her up to ask/tell her to give you a HJ, and she did? I don't think she's quite got the concept yet... But wake the Mrs. up for a HJ? Hahaha, she'd be furious at being woke up, and then she'd laugh at me straining and unable to get off.

TwistedMister, it sounds to me like you're taking the way it works in your relationship and applying it as an absolute to the way it "should" work in his. And I think that's a mistake. Personally, I'm MUCH more inclined to your style of chastity kink, but that doesn't make ours the right way, and it doesn't mean that his wife doesn't "get it yet."
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Guys, I believe with all my heart that we all need to explore and find our own dynamic. To imply that what you do with your partner is right for everyone, is simply wrong. Please take a minute to think about what your relationship would be like if other people had told you that you were doing it wrong!

[Shepherdsflock]

I think it was just a case of priapism. We've made love with the cage on a few more times since then without any problems. I've gone to bed with an erection (or as much of one as I can get in the cage) several times since then without the same problem.

[TwistedMister]

TwistedMister, it sounds to me like you're taking the way it works in your relationship and applying it as an absolute to the way it "should" work in his. And I think that's a mistake. Personally, I'm MUCH more inclined to your style of chastity kink, but that doesn't make ours the right way, and it doesn't mean that his wife doesn't "get it yet."

For as long as I've been on here, and as long as you've been on here, you should know me better than that. You'll note that I said "usually". The idea of *me* insisting that my way is the only 'right' way is a figment of your imagination. (I'll let you slam your dick in a door as punishment for suggesting it. )