Extended Orgasm Denial

[Tom Allen]

LOL - no, seriously, it's cool.

I have been writing about sexuality, relationships, and yes, chastity & denial for about 20 years in various corners of the internet, so I have some small notoriety in the community. I often take for granted that people joining this forum already know who I am.

Yes, I'm the Tom Allen who has left a few comments on your blog. I also write (not as often lately) on The Edge of Vanilla. You (sort of) reblogged one of my posts a couple of months ago. I can't remember how I found your blog; I regularly scan for certain topics, so I might have pulled it up on a random search.

[TwistedMister]

I wish we were all in a room together and I could get a show of hands, how many men in chastity really do want their wife to decide when/if you have an orgasm?

Wanting and not wanting (at the same time) to have an orgasm is a funny thing (and probably not the same for everyone). Mrs. Twisted has occasionally said things that indicate that she doesn't quite understand it either. In fact, very recently she expressed a similar sentiment- I had just finished pleasuring her to two orgasms, the second of which she claimed was the most powerful she had ever experienced (and if her screaming was anything to go by, it was)- she said that she had some doubts about my not getting an orgasm while she was having her first...but that when the second was coming on she completely forgot about that and just let herself go and nothing else mattered, she no longer cared that I was locked up and not getting one...and *that* was exactly what I wanted for her, and I was pleased that I could give it to her- absolute, unbridled pleasure with no concern for anything else.

And, as I told her, it's a major turn-on for me to be giving her such pleasure (without her having to give any thoughts for mine) while being locked, straining against the confines of the device and knowing that I won't (can't) get an orgasm unless/until she decides to give me one...and that at the moment she has/had absolutely no thoughts of doing so. I was actually rather proud of myself for having been able to cause her to forget about me having an orgasm, and allow her to fully experience the pleasure of her orgasm without any thought or concern for anything else. Plus, my *knowing* that I'm not going to be getting an orgasm allows me to more completely focus on her pleasure- I'm not rushing to get her off so that I can get off, rather, I'm taking my time and focusing on her, trying to make it the best that it can be. (Which is not to say that I'm not getting *any* pleasure, as, peculiarly, I am 'enjoying' the sensation of being aroused and straining against the cage- I 'want' more sensation, to have an orgasm, but I know it isn't possible at the time, which makes me even *more* aroused.)

I think it really opened her mind up to just how much pleasure she could have by letting go and not worrying about mine. I have little doubt that, having had it once, she will want it again...which makes it that much 'hotter' for me because I think it will be even easier for her to do in the future- wanting to experience that pleasure again, she will *want* to ensure that my orgasms are restricted, and she will be less (or not at all) concerned that I'm not getting one.

I should note that I am not wanting to *never* have an orgasm, I certainly enjoy them. In fact, one of my 'limits' is that (barring an extended 'penalty' for certain rule violations) I must get one at least every three months. For us, my orgasm is a 'reward' given not more often than once every four weeks, it is used as a 'motivator'.

I know that is the point of chastity, but do you really, really deep down feel that way? Ken knows how much I enjoy our sex life now compared to BC (before chastity). How can I know he isn't just saying what he thinks I want to hear? Am I making sense? When we have been intimate, I am satisfied, and it is time to cuddle, I usually help him calm down and get his mind off the orgasm he won't be having. In that moment I sense regret on his part, but maybe that's just me. He says the feelings he has are what he wants and thanks me for being strong. But am I hurting him deep down by NOT wanting him to orgasm? Am I feeling guilt because that was how I knew I had done a good job, (he came) and now I don't have that evidence? At times I am ok with it and at other times I struggle. Didn't think I would still be here this long into chastity. Sorry if my feelings resemble spaghetti, that's just the way it is with me.

Why not take him at his word? Relax and enjoy it. Enjoy the mischievous pleasure of keeping him 'hot' for you, aroused and 'wanting'. Allay your fears by reassuring him that if anything changes, all he has to do is speak up, and then let it go and enjoy...

[katieandchaste]

I think it really opened her mind up to just how much pleasure she could have by letting go and not worrying about mine.

TwistedMister, that really is quite telling and echos much of what my Ken has said. Would you object to my using your comments here in a post in my blog? Many wives that I hear from experience the same thing I and your wife have struggled with and they need to hear it from a man other than their husband. You have done a very good job expressing your feelings.

[budgie]

My wife and I have been into male chastity for 8 years and in the last year or so she has really gotten into it. My last orgasm was 20 weeks ago. I give her exclusively oral worship and she says that the orgasms are the best she has had. After she has come I feel like I've had one myself because the experience is so intense: my heart rate is raised and I feel slightly out of breath and flushed, it's a wonderful feeling. The experience is so intimate that I enjoy it more than coming. She has learned to just relax and enjoy the whole thing, and doesn't worry about me because I clearly enjoy it just as much, albeit in a different way. Our lovemaking is non-penetrative and of course non-traditional, but it works for us.

[wishful4]

Many wives that I hear from experience the same thing I and your wife have struggled with and they need to hear it from a man other than their husband. You have done a very good job expressing your feelings.

Since male chastity has been part of our relationship, I have been surprised at how "ingrained" the importance of a male orgasm is in the female psych. Early on in BC (beginning chastity), my spouse has even made statements like " if you don't orgasm, what's the point", as if my achieving orgasm was paramount and hers was unimportant. Even though I would try and convince her otherwise, It was like she just couldn't "get it". Thankfully, patience and perseverance have prevailed and now, the pendulum has swing in the other direction. She actually prefers long periods between granting me an orgasm, feels free to enjoys her own pleasures, and enjoys very much teasing and denying me. She now clearly sees the advantage of a devoted husband in constant pursuit of her affections.

[TwistedMister]

TwistedMister, that really is quite telling and echos much of what my Ken has said. Would you object to my using your comments here in a post in my blog? Many wives that I hear from experience the same thing I and your wife have struggled with and they need to hear it from a man other than their husband. You have done a very good job expressing your feelings.

No objection at all- I am more than happy to be of service in advancing the concept of 'male chastity/orgasm control' and in
helping to increase the pleasures of the ladies (and men) who choose to incorporate it in their relationships

[Dukestoy]

Wanting and not wanting (at the same time) to have an orgasm is a funny thing (and probably not the same for everyone). Mrs. Twisted has occasionally said things that indicate that she doesn't quite understand it either. In fact, very recently she expressed a similar sentiment- I had just finished pleasuring her to two orgasms, the second of which she claimed was the most powerful she had ever experienced (and if her screaming was anything to go by, it was)- she said that she had some doubts about my not getting an orgasm while she was having her first...but that when the second was coming on she completely forgot about that and just let herself go and nothing else mattered, she no longer cared that I was locked up and not getting one...and *that* was exactly what I wanted for her, and I was pleased that I could give it to her- absolute, unbridled pleasure with no concern for anything else.
And, as I told her, it's a major turn-on for me to be giving her such pleasure (without her having to give any thoughts for mine) while being locked, straining against the confines of the device and knowing that I won't (can't) get an orgasm unless/until she decides to give me one...and that at the moment she has/had absolutely no thoughts of doing so. I was actually rather proud of myself for having been able to cause her to forget about me having an orgasm, and allow her to fully experience the pleasure of her orgasm without any thought or concern for anything else. Plus, my *knowing* that I'm not going to be getting an orgasm allows me to more completely focus on her pleasure- I'm not rushing to get her off so that I can get off, rather, I'm taking my time and focusing on her, trying to make it the best that it can be. (Which is not to say that I'm not getting *any* pleasure, as, peculiarly, I am 'enjoying' the sensation of being aroused and straining against the cage- I 'want' more sensation, to have an orgasm, but I know it isn't possible at the time, which makes me even *more* aroused.)

Thank you so much: that encapsulates the experience of my Better Half and I so perfectly, I've shared it with Her
It's funny, isn't it: back in my vanilla days of youth, I had a few sexual partners who were pretty self-centred when it came to sex and only really cared about their own pleasure, and I always found that to be an unattractive trait. Yet when my Better Half, who"s an amazingly generous lover, denies me any pleasure and allows me to focus in serving her, I find it one of the horniest thing I've ever experienced. I guess us guys can be every bit as contrary as women ared always being accused of...

[TwistedMister]

I want to expand this concept a bit:

...my *knowing* that I'm not going to be getting an orgasm allows me to more completely focus on her pleasure- I'm not rushing to get her off so that I can get off, rather, I'm taking my time and focusing on her, trying to make it the best that it can be...

as it may play a part in my attitude/tendency/attraction to orgasm denial.

I have generally been inclined to want to ensure that the lady always has at least one orgasm before I do (usually orally), partly (I think) due to some level of insecurity as to the length of time I can hold off during intercourse (I think I'm liable to cum too quickly), and partly due to a somewhat masochistic enjoyment of delaying/denying my own orgasm until after she has had one. There is also another tendency which may play a part- for example, when I was young (and continuing to this day) at Halloween or Xmas I would have a selection of candies, which I would consume on a rationed basis in order to make them last as long as possible (candy in the house was a rarity), and I would always eat the ones I liked least first, saving the best for last...this prolonged my enjoyment of them and built up the anticipation of finally getting to enjoy my favorites. In my opinion, my tendency toward delaying/denying/prolonging sexual pleasure/orgasm is an extension of that mind-set.

However, I am also aware of times when I have got to a point where I tried to 'rush' the lady's pleasure in a selfish(?) effort to get to my own sooner- I would be aware of it at the time and feel that it was 'wrong', but I would do it anyway. I would justify it by telling myself that I was still being a good partner by making sure that she got off first, but I'd also still feel a bit 'guilty' for doing so, knowing that I hadn't given her the best experience that I was capable of giving.

Having my own pleasure/orgasm delayed/denied by the restriction of a physical device provides a combination of 'enhancements' that is beneficial to both of us in a variety of ways- as previously noted, it allows me to focus on her reactions and pleasure, taking more time and giving her a better experience; it prolongs and heightens my arousal and the anticipation of [eventual] orgasm while eliminating guilt that might arise from a loss of self-control, and I derive a certain amount of masochistic enjoyment of the physical restriction/constriction of the device and the discomfort of it; she experiences the eroticism of having the power to withhold my orgasm, and the ability to free herself to enjoy her own pleasure by having already determined that I will not be getting an orgasm so she need not be concerned with it; and I experience the eroticism of the knowledge that I am not in control [of my orgasm]- she holds the 'Key' both figuratively and literally, she has the power to deny my [ultimate] pleasure until *she* decides to allow it (which also extends power to her in other ways, which she also enjoys).

All in all, I consider it a win-win. We each derive much pleasure and enjoyment of the situation in our own ways.

(I'm reasonably sure that what I have come to realize is a deeply rooted erotic attraction to FemDom and forced participation in kinky/unusual/'unnatural'/'taboo' sexual/fetish activities also plays no small part in this, but I'm trying to restrict myself to the focus of the particular topic.)

[luckylocked]

We just had 5 days away where I was unlocked. I haven't had an orgasm for 5 weeks and it was lovely to be free but constantly in her presence so no risk of masturbation. Every morning away she edged me for half an hour, concluding last night where she took me as close as possible 3 times, let me give her an orgasm and told me to enjoy my last night of freedom.
Back in the cage this morning for what will at least be another month, and maybe the rest of the year. One evil thing she did get me to do was put the internal lock for the HT2 in my jeans pocket to see if it would set off the airport scanner, which it didn't. She just commented on what a useful piece of information that was.

[Edgewood]

One evil thing she did get me to do was put the internal lock for the HT2 in my jeans pocket to see if it would set off the airport scanner, which it didn't. She just commented on what a useful piece of information that was.

Good to know.