"I Just Don't get It"

[wishful4]

This is one post I hoped I'd never make. My spouse uttered those words this evening as we were watching some recorded programs on Tivo. At the time, I was typing a post in response to a question on this forum on chastity devices regarding "Condensation in the CB-6000s". She commented that she did not appreciate me discussing our sex life with others. In response, I told her my post had nothing to do with our sex life and asked her to read what I was about to post. She adamantly refused and said "I just don't get it". I answered, " No you don't" and left it at that. We were doing so well early last year, but things have come to a scretching halt. To her credit, she is handling some medical issues so our extent of MC has been my reading and posting on this forum. I am trying to support her in solving these medical issues. However, she seems to resent my participation on MCF even though she participates on FB & geneology sites that she is interested in. If I'm absent on the forum for awhile, everyone will know why. I love her so much, but if she is unwilling to explore and research MC, she probably never will "get it". I so wish it were otherwise.

[Atone]

Even if she doesn't "get it", which I understand btw, maybe she can just accept it as being something that you desire.

-A

[Dev]

I hope you are able to stay because I appreciate your posts and contributions.

No disrespect to your wife, but I don't get these spouses who feel a need to limit or curtail Internet viewing. I've seen blogs where the person says they are only allowed to look at "approved" blogs and the spouse has to give approval. Seriously?

I have a blog where I am blabbing about details of my sex life on an almost daily basis. You know what my husband thinks of that? He thinks it's terrific! Some days he kids me and says he feels like he is on The Truman Show but he always says that with a laugh. He sees that for me, writing the blog makes me happy and if I'm happy, that's a good thing.

Wishful, I hope your wife gets better and that her comment was more a reflection of not feeling well and dealing with the stress of illness.

D

[justplaying]

I get it. I didn't even bother to tell my keyholder /wife, that I am posting to this forum, because she feels that anything that happens between a couple that involves sex (in any way) is private. So, in the spirit of adhering to that trust, I tend not to post much about our sexual exploits. Actually, she knows that I am doing something but her way of dealing with it is not to ask....

I really was happy to find a forum that wasn't about the fantasy of chastity play but the reality of it. Granted it is a bit of a game. But playing games is fun. And marriage should be fun, right? Just because my KH/wife is shy about expressing her sexuality and talking about sex in general, that's okay....as long as she doesn't insist that I can't express mine. And luckily she is okay with me expressing mine.

Interestingly enough, about a month into the chastity play, she started getting into wearing much sexier clothing (in the bedroom and everyday wear). She has a great bod, and I have always found her to be hot, but now she is killing me she is so stunning. I don't really know if she is conscious of the torture that she is putting me through. When I tell her how beautiful she is, she says I need new glasses. She has low self esteem.

Reading the posts here you find a lot of the KH /wive's have low sex drive or perhaps even low self esteem or just have some "issues" with sex. (with the exception of Celtic Queen and Dev, of course ). I would love for my KH /wife to read the posts here, but I also fear that some of the things would shock her and turn her off, so I don't push it. Even when I read some of the post here, I just filter out the stuff that doesn't interest me. Not a big deal, just because I am in a chaste relationship doesn't mean I am into all the same stuff as everyone else. Everyone is different, that is what I love about this forum.

Maybe you can print out a few examples of the posts here so she can get some idea of what it is all about, without feeling like it is some sort of "sexual freak show". Damn, that sounds silly to even write that...

Best of luck. Come back soon. JP

[Atone]

he feels like he is on The Truman Show

That was a great movie, I get that feeling sometimes too (that he is on the Truman show).

-A

[mikecb]

I'm a big fan of the Myres-Briggs personality type theories. If I consider this issue through that lens, I wonder about the Introvert/Extrovert measures. Introvert/Extrovert covers a lot of things, but mostly it's about "where you get your energy". So, those of us on the "E" side of things, get energy from sharing and working with others. Those on the "I" side of things, get energy through privacy, quiet, and working on things themselves.

So, an introvert may feed their interests in chastity by READING the forums. An extrovert gets more out of it by PARTICIPATING in the forums. I know I struggle all the time with "lurkers" wondering, "Why don't they speak up?" I'm sure lurkers see me posting all the time and think "I wish he would SHUT up!" lol

So, anyway, this might boil down to an "I" vs "E" issue. Certainly, it's that way in my household. My wife is an "I" and doesn't "get" my participation in forums. So, mostly, I just keep it out of her face.

mikecb

[cb6000s]

I couldn't tell from your post if she was saying that she didn't get your blogging on this forum or that she didn't get MC.

My advice, which is worth exactly what you are paying for it, is to back off a bit. If she is OK with you being in the device then stay in the device. If not, put it up for awhile.

I get the impression that your KH is worried that your focus is more on MC and less about her.

Make it about her not about MC. Kissing for no reason other than you love her, backrubs are always appreciated. Let her initiate sex. If she doesn't then nothing is lost since you want to practice chastity anyway.

[Tom Allen]

It would be one thing if you were talking to friends or family members, but why is she threatened by your discussion with complete strangers that she will never meet?

It's sad when somebody is so insecure that they insist that their partners don't venture off the reservation, because that is what's happening here. In essence, she's saying "I don't want to make any changes in our sex life, and I don't want you talking to those perverts who might put ideas in your head. What we've been doing has been good enough, why can't you just leave it alone?"

And I'm not sure what kind of medical issue keeps you from being a considerate partner.

I don't have any advice, except to say that you may need to explain to her that if she isn't willing to talk to you about certain things, then you'll end up repressing - and eventually resenting. Better that you let off some steam once in a while, than to bottle it up.

[Atone]

It would be one thing if you were talking to friends

I thought we were friends.

-A

[Shane67]

I'm not sure my wife will ever "get it" either, but she's game (most of the time) because she knows it's important to me. Sometimes I think that's all we can expect with our spouses. I recently downloaded When Someone You Love Is Kinky to her Kindle (found it while reading Tom's account of rescuing his marriage; thanks, Tom!) and I'm really hoping that she will at least read the first few chapters. That book really resonated with me; it made me aware how important "community" is to kinky folks. I know it's trite, but: you're not alone.