"Hello world" thread

[Kitten]

Is there an area here that provides advice on how to get my wife more involved? She’s pretty good but doesn’t embrace the Whole treated like a queen thing. I’m the one pushing for this and don’t want to push her away from it with my enthusiasm. Any advice is Appreciated.

Welcome Gargoyle.

We are still new to this lifestyle ourselves.

My husband first approached male chastity with me by leaving the following book on my pillow, in a pink envelope with a letter he wrote to me on the front of the envelope several days before I joined. In a nutshell, he was asking me to read the book with an open mind. The book is "Male Chastity - A Guide for Keyholders" by Lucy Fairbourne. There is a lot of good information in this book; including sections on what male chastity is all about, measuring for & choosing devices, health/hygiene & safety, and erotic chastity play... to name just a few.

Until that day I didn't even know male chastity existed. At first I was adamently against it. But, by the time I finished the book I had warmed up to the concept of his chastity and am now his keyholder. I joined the forums on 24 June and put in my request to be admitted to the keyholders forum on the same day.

As mentioned by other members, try not to push the issue with her, that might very well turn her off to it. Also, as already mentioned, the keyholder's forum is good because only keyholders, the moderators, and admin are allowed in there ... no regular members or guests.

I'm pretty active and might be able to help her along just a little ... as one newbie to another. She's more than welcome to seek me out .

[Schnoff]

> the keyholder's forum is good because only keyholders, the moderators, and admin are allowed in there

And while the moderator team has access, the male part of the team keeps away from that section. @Lady M is moderating that part of the forum. It's been that way since the forum opened, just to make sure people in that forum can feel a measure of privacy.

[Gargoyle]

Well...my wife did get tired of it. She has a very low sex drive so I introduced it as a way to limit our sex but to keep me with the feeling of intimacy I need. She said it keeps her mind on sex all day(not in a good way)because she knows I’m horny in the cage. She said it’s okay to do every now and then for a few days but as an ongoing lifestyle it’s overwhelming. As mentioned above, she said I’m doing all these things for her because I want to be teased or whatever. I didn’t even ask for anything except the need to be unlocked at night(too hard to sleep in).
I tried getting her to read up on kh, Chastity, etc...but she already knows a lot about the topic(which she does). She used to attend all these fetish parties and stuff before I dated her. I thought I hit the jackpot but with work and kids that’s all gone.

The problem is she knows what I want/need and feels bad she can’t provide it so to lack of drive and getting overwhelmed with so much intimacy. She prefers a few quickies to satisfy me but that’s not satisfying for me. To me a quickie is like a transaction with no intimacy. Don’t get me wrong, they have their time and place.

It’s not as bad as it sounds as we have a very open line of communication and everything else is great. We knew the challenge of our sex drive differences when we started out and she appreciates me trying to add intimacy but it’s too hard for her.

For clarification, she classifies any petting, teasing, massaging as sex.
I ended up with a frustratedly pathetic wank to porn. Not the release I was looking for.

I made it very clear that I loved her and wasn’t mad but frustrated on ways to increase intimacy. I don’t want her feeling bad which she does anyway as she knows it’s her low sex drive/intimacy issues. It’s an area she wished was better for her.

This is a lot to process and not sure how to proceed. Advice welcomed.

[Gargoyle]

I would like to add that I didn’t “push” constantly to be teased. She said she knows though that I want her to tease and release me. I explained I was doing everything just to make her day easier(some chores) and that made me happy. (That I did overdo. Lol). She said that she knows it all goes back to me wanting her to satisfy me in some way.
She’s no dummy and noticed the cage did coincide with me paying way more attention to her. The attention is overwhelming to her.
I did the chores and little things recently without even mentioning them. In addition I made it very clear that I expected nothing from her in the way of touching. It was all about giving her control on the when and how.

She is an extremely smart woman. I’m talking on the brilliant side and has studied up heavily on the dynamics of top/bottom dynamic.

[Schnoff]

> She said that she knows it all goes back to me wanting her to satisfy me in some way.

Which is okay. That's the "getting needs met" part of a partnership. It's a perfectly reasonable expectation to get your needs met. It's possible she can't do that, or she's conflicted about doing that.

My best advice is to find a kink-friendly couples counselor that comes recommended, and see what's going on individually and as a couple. You having needs is okay. Her not meeting those is also okay; it might mean you're incompatible, though. Which is no-one's fault and still quite painful.

It comes down to the hard, and rewarding, work of figuring out what each of you need and want out of the relationship, and whether and how you can give that to each other. Just teasing apart needs and wants can be quite difficult.

[Tullyboy]

I like that approach, @Schnoff. The idea that even though on the surface chastity is about denying needs, it is also about finding a way to meet them. That's what made me curious about chastity to begin with.

It's good to recognize that having those needs and saying "I have this need" is ok. As an analogy, saying "I'm hungry" isn't selfish. It's survival.

[Schnoff]

> The idea that even though on the surface chastity is about denying needs, it is also about finding a way to meet them.

Exactly. I don't need to come. I do need touch, and emotional intimacy, and honesty, and sex, and a whole bunch of other things. Giving up the ability to come whenever I want doesn't deny me any of those needs. On the contrary, it made it easier to get some of them met.

> It's good to recognize that having those needs and saying "I have this need" is ok.

It really is, and I found it surprisingly difficult. There was a voice in me that told me that insisting on sex in a relationship was shallow, and that not having sex wasn't a good reason to leave a relationship. I have no clue where that came from. Maybe general sex-negativity all around me, the whole "that's dirty" shtick. Of course sexual needs are as basic and valid as needs for shelter, food, emotional contact, and so on.

[Gargoyle]

Well said Schnoff. I do think this will settle out to some equilibrium. I may not have conveyed everything like I wanted to here but she is very aware of my needs and is trying to accommodate me. This the”let’s try it for three days next time” as she feels it’s an overwhelming respinsibility on her. I’m confident we’ll find our way.

I also have continued to help with some of her chores even while unlocked. Might as well make her day easier if I can.

[locked4her55]

Well, I do believe the "Hello World" thread has taken the side rail so in an effort to get it back on track I would like to welcome MJ Chaste and plicker to the Forums.

Thanks for the great introduction posts and we look forward to hearing more about your journey. Lots of great friendly people here with varying chastity experiences.

[Antoine]

Hello
I'm Antoine, playing with chastity for the past few years with my girlfriend.
Now we have been more serious with it for the past year and I'm usually locked in a steel cage.