Have you been thinking about his lockup duration for the next time 'round?
Ab has been saying "My pleasure is your pleasure" and not really focusing on his own orgasm very much.
....
I am feeling very confused this morning. Thoughts are welcome. Thanks, friends.
D
Dev,
I'll admit that at my ripe old age of 47, I could easily imagine a relationship in which I had very few orgasms, in exchange for a LOT of tease, denial, and giving pleasure to my partner. Honestly, the orgasm is generally a let-down compared to the buildup and tension beforehand. I guess as I get older and have experienced a billion orgasms at my own hand, the orgasm is not the most enjoyable part of the experience any more. It's possible Ab feels the same way.
Dev wrote:Ab's business has been in the building, in one form or another, since 1872
That's the problem with the poor erections. What does that make Ab, like 170 years old.
If only I were rich instead of beautiful, I'd let him stay home and wear a French maid's outfit and clean the house. LOL. JUST KIDDING EVERYONE!!!
why compromise?
I am glad he wanted to put the JB back on
I hope he said thank you when you obliged and *let* him put it back on.
I think all small businesses are feeling the stress right now. And to be in a business that depends on the new housing market puts you in a really tough spot.
-A
Belongs to Michele (Lady M) Wearing: Steelheart & Eternity Collar
I guess as I get older and have experienced a billion orgasms at my own hand, the orgasm is not the most enjoyable part of the experience any more. It's possible Ab feels the same way.
I wonder if that is part of it, as I mused earlier, but he can't quite come out and say so. Plus, I am sort of at the other end of the spectrum---I didn't have my first orgasm until I was in my late 20s and even after that, they didn't start occurring with any regularity until my late 40s (and real regularity until 2 months ago!). So we are probably experiencing some dissonance in thinking. Since they have suddenly become really important to me, of course they must be important to him...but that's not necessarily true.
Thanks for your perspective, Mike. I appreciate it.
Atone wrote:
That's the problem with the poor erections. What does that make Ab, like 170 years old.
As they say, "In dog years, I'm dead."
I am glad he wanted to put the JB back on
I hope he said thank you when you obliged and *let* him put it back on.
He didn't say thank you, but he didn't seem displeased. He did seem surprised, however, when I took him up on his suggestion.
I think all small businesses are feeling the stress right now. And to be in a business that depends on the new housing market puts you in a really tough spot.
-A
Fortunately, he doesn't depend totally on new housing. He does a ton of restoration work. Right now he is making something (don't ask me what) for the Gamble Mansion in Boston and the Hamilton Grange in NYC.
Dev, I'm not sure I can offer you any different advice than anyone else except to say that in our experience, playing around with orgasm control can be really f'ing hard. Things don't always progress the way they should. Sometimes, up is down and down is up and what you might think makes sense based on what's "normal" doesn't. There have been several times when I've thought it would be easier to stop having them altogether. Though, you know, that's a bit dramatic.
Tom said, "We've now learned *not* to make a big deal of them, because reality often clashes with the scripts that we have in our heads," and I think that's the best advice of all.
Thanks, Thumper. As I have said to the others, I really appreciate your comments and advice.
Just so everyone knows, you all are making me feel much better. I was on the verge of letting myself get into one of my little moody funks and the comments here have helped me to stay focused and not go to the pity place.
Dev wrote:Thanks, Thumper. As I have said to the others, I really appreciate your comments and advice.
Just so everyone knows, you all are making me feel much better. I was on the verge of letting myself get into one of my little moody funks and the comments here have helped me to stay focused and not go to the pity place.
D
Aww. Actually, I think you guys are doing it exactly RIGHT. You are communicating, and making the experience optimal for for both of you. If Ab is getting great satisfaction by allowing you to come into your orgasmic peak, what could be better?!? I envy him, honestly. I would LOVE to be able to do something that brings my wife to a sexual peak she's never experienced. It's got to be satisfying beyond belief. I think it's also a sign of what a loving marriage you have, that it satisfies him so.
I think you're right. I think you're projecting your own new-found love of orgasms onto his needs, when they may not be there. Trust him. He'll tell you what he wants, and when!
Ab got home from work about 1:30 pm. I had waited on lunch so we ate together which was nice. He made the comment, "I think you may have more Domme in you than you realized...or I realized." I raised my eyebrows at that, not sure what he meant. He went on to say that yesterday, I seemed a little pissy when he got home (I was) and the pissiness continued through dinner. But the minute he put the JB back on, I perked right up and later, was perfectly happy to have lots of sex---in the "old" days, the pissy mood would have persisted for a day or two. Hmmm....
He also said something that made it clear we had slightly crossed signals about what being out of the JB meant. He thought it meant he could do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted including masturbate. I had thought I had expressed my feeling that even though he was free, I still expected some Dev time and attention, ie, I didn't want him wearing himself out with his own hand (as he has been known to do before). So, somehow or another, we weren't on the same wavelength.
As I've thought about this today, I realize there is a part of me deep down inside that says, "I don't care if he never has another orgasm." I know that sounds incredibly selfish which is why it is hard for me to even admit it to myself (and I can only post it here because I count you as friends who won't judge me harshly. I'm not putting it on the blog, though.). But for the first time since we've started playing, I can suddenly understand the concept of permanent orgasm denial, which prior to today didn't make much sense to me at all. But we seem to have been having a fine time with fingers, tongues, vibrators, and dildoes. Do I really need a real cock? Does he really need a "real" orgasm? It's a little bit of a radical idea but something I need to think about.
(And the fact that I may be able to live without a real cock is the reason I am NOT going to go off and find myself a real boyfriend while he atrophies away to nothing in his JB. Just needed to make that clear.)
Like I said, the feeling is deep down inside--and just know bubbling to the surface? I'm not sure. I will admit to a fair amount of confusion right now, which is why I didn't write a post for the blog today.
why compromise?
