I just gotta say... the "assumptions" get really old

[Aarkey]

I am curious who "they" are. Potential partners? People you meet online? General attitudes about sex and kink? It would be interesting to hear about a time you felt wrongly judged. I am asking because I really am interested in experiences.

Both with people I've met as potential partners, and people online. To clarifiy though, I'm not looking now as I'm 1 year into a relationship.

I can't even count the number of times people assume it. And that's why I made the original post. Its so prevalent that I find it really tedious.

[mistress jules]

As a newly found dominant and keyholder (can't believe it's taken me this long to put all the clues together lol) I would like my men to be men. I understand that may not sound the way I intend it to but I haven't worked out a better way to put it yet. I only mean that sissification and or/cuckoldry does not hold the same appeal for me. I am looking for what may seem a pretty vanilla relationship to outside eyes but with the flr on the inside.

I hope that I make some sort of sense lol, it seems way more difficult to say here than it does in my head. I just felt I had to post as the "assumptions" had been irking me recently.

[Michele]

As a newly found dominant and keyholder (can't believe it's taken me this long to put all the clues together lol) I would like my men to be men. I understand that may not sound the way I intend it to but I haven't worked out a better way to put it yet. I only mean that sissification and or/cuckoldry does not hold the same appeal for me. I am looking for what may seem a pretty vanilla relationship to outside eyes but with the flr on the inside.

I hope that I make some sort of sense lol, it seems way more difficult to say here than it does in my head. I just felt I had to post as the "assumptions" had been irking me recently.

I completely agree and this is the way our relationship is. I'm not into sissy stuff or feminization or anything like that... I am a woman and I love my hubby for the man that he is. Just because he is submissive doesn't make him less of a man.

[mcn]

Aarkey, we can't control what others think and it's not our job anyway. This may be a good opportunity to relinquish control, not of anybody in particular, but of having a personal relationship with a self-inflicting thought.

I don't know of any law in the Universe that states I must establish a relationship with any thought that passes through my awareness. This means I can have the most ugly and destructive thought possible, and because I haven't identified-with or attached-myself-to that thought it doesn't carry a negative charge for me.

We all experience thoughts anyway that we don't identify-with and have no interest in. Therefore thoughts are not self-employed. They run on phantom power, provided by the individual. It's the thoughts we give employment to that have the power to disturb us.

I don't care what others think, and I'm reaching a point where I don't care anymore even what I think! LOL

[fuzzydunlop]

I can't even count the number of times people assume it. And that's why I made the original post. Its so prevalent that I find it really tedious.

I love chastity and orgasm denial, but suspect a great many people would find it tedious, even those that don't associate with cuckolding, sissy, bi, or other "unmanly" activities. And that's a point that I ponder, why are all the "manly" chaste men so sensitive about cuckolding, sissy and bi activities? Because all of these are particularly taboo when it comes to having a "male" role for various reasons. I don't hear about a lot of "manly" chastity aficionados worrying about whether someone else is suspects they are into bondage generally, discipline generally, or pain generally. I don't hear that "she automatically assumed that I was into being tied up...or spanked...or peed on" It's angst over association with fetishes that more directly bend the male role, which some of us find to be very interesting kinks, while others will find tedious.

[TwistedMister]

In some cases, the assumptions can be correct. I'm not into sissification/feminization (and my hard limits address this) but the idea of cuckolding and forced-bi is extremely arousing to me (as well as a number of other fetishes). Normally, I find the idea of m/m sexual activity unappealing (bordering on homophobic) but, in the context of being forced by a dominant woman it becomes very erotic. Strange how the mind works sometimes...

[fuzzydunlop]

Twisted---my wife and I had a discussion just last night on what can suddenly become hot under the right context. Ours was a discussion about cream pies. But the blog link below gives a discussion on why forced bi pressed some people's buttons:

http://cuckoldletters.blogspot.com/2013 ... s.html?m=1

[Aarkey]

As a newly found dominant and keyholder... I am looking for what may seem a pretty vanilla relationship to outside eyes but with the flr on the inside. I hope that I make some sort of sense lol, it seems way more difficult to say here than it does in my head. I just felt I had to post as the "assumptions" had been irking me recently.

I completely agree and this is the way our relationship is. I'm not into sissy stuff or feminization or anything like that... I am a woman and I love my hubby for the man that he is. Just because he is submissive doesn't make him less of a man.

Ladies, it is obvious neither of you are alone in your puruits, and its nice to see your desires and goals re-affirming each other here in this thread.

Aarkey, we can't control what others think and it's not our job anyway. I don't care what others think, and I'm reaching a point where I don't care anymore even what I think! LOL

Agreed, its not something I can cause to change, nor is it my job. We can however inform people and help to educate them. And as the misconceptions are so common, I think that sometimes it is a worthwhile effot.

I love chastity and orgasm denial, but suspect a great many people would find it tedious, even those that don't associate with cuckolding, sissy, bi, or other "unmanly" activities. And that's a point that I ponder, why are all the "manly" chaste men so sensitive about cuckolding, sissy and bi activities?

I can't speak to why other men are so sensitive to it. I'm sensitive to it for a few reasons, most importantly is that I find it prejudiced that so many people try to label and pigeon hole me in a place where I don't fit. I don't have any issue with sissies or bi-men, or cuckolds, etc. In fact, I have many friends who fit those interests and groups. Its just not me, and I would prefer if people didn't automatically assume because of A, B is automatically the case.

[Misty]

Agreed and as a newbie - my boyfriend and I are just getting into chastity and neither is dom or sub in the relationship. Another assumption. We are just competitive. Agree with your points

[Finn]

In some cases, the assumptions can be correct. I'm not into sissification/feminization (and my hard limits address this) but the idea of cuckolding and forced-bi is extremely arousing to me (as well as a number of other fetishes). Normally, I find the idea of m/m sexual activity unappealing (bordering on homophobic) but, in the context of being forced by a dominant woman it becomes very erotic. Strange how the mind works sometimes...

I think that many guys aren't turned on by other guys, but can appreciate and relate to the penis. We guys all have one, and last time I checked, most of us have made use of ours and liked it. Sometimes, the "It wasn't my idea" thing of being ordered to do it makes the difference. Lots of guys would't have an m/m encounter, but would have (I have) a F/m/m one. Having the woman there takes care of the arousal part for the straight(ish) guy. Some people have this idea that if you do something with another dude that you are instantly covered in gay dust and become gay4life. Being gay is not about having m/m sex, it's about the gender that you are naturally attracted to. I describe myself as being bi-comfortable. I very rarely have any attraction to another guy, it has happened, but it's rare. Most guys are turn-offs to me. Women turn me on like crazy. I have also done stuff that would be labelled gay by many. I'll be honest. Getting another cock off, when you are in chastity or long term orgasm denial is really hot, especially if there is a woman in charge of the scene.