[Chosen_Jackal] Pinch me, is this really happening?

[Chosen_Jackal]

I’m always afraid of sounding repetitive or even making the intimiacy between Red and me sound routine. There’s only so many ways my simple brain can describe how we are together when we’re intimate but let me assure you that it never feels routine or stale to me.
Last night, like almost every night these day, ended with Red getting her little sleeping pill before we fell asleep.
I love how she confidently tells me some time during the day what she intends to happen that night. The casual way she tells me in simple terms that she intends to have an orgasm with her vibrator and I’m invited to be there.
She has no problem with being selfish these days and it turns me on so much. I have no expectation of getting anything in return and I love it.

That leads into another subject we’ve discussed lately.
I’m getting more and more certain that my pleasure from seeing and knowing that Red is satisfied is much better than me getting off myself.
I’ve always seen myself as monogamous, but I’m at the point where the thought of Red receiving pleasure from someone else feels… right. Exciting even.
There are feelings of insecurity and jealousy that accompanies those thoughts, but I’ve recognized that they come from within myself and not from any lack of faith in our relationship. We’re more solid than ever and we communicate better than we ever have. There’s nothing I feel I can’t talk to Red about and she’s consistently shown to have an open mind no matter what we talk about.

So I felt a mix of joy and anxiety when Red confirmed that she was also open to this. We’re not at the point where we’re seeking others for anything yet. We need to talk more about boundaries, expectations etc, but the door is opened so to speak.
It’s gonna be exciting to see what this will lead to.

I finally received the tetherspouts I’ve been waiting for in the mail today. I ordered a set from badassworkrooms and after some initial struggles to get them in correctly I managed to get them in with no pain or discomfort.
There’s no way I can just pull them out without causing myself great pain or bodily harm, so I’m securely locked in my cage now. I can’t pull out of the cage and it feels amazing. It feels like I’ve truly given Red control over my penis now. I’ve never wanted to cheat and pleasure myself, but now that I can’t even if I wanted to…

I’m so excited to see where we go from here!

[Chosen_Jackal]

Day two of wearing the tetherspout with my cage.
Just like anything that goes inside your urethra, there’s some getting used to having a solid object in there.
I believe I’ve found the correct size of the retainer ring and everything feels secure.
I had no problem sleeping through the night, except waking from some very hard night time erections, but those have been going on for while anyway.
It’s strange how I wasn’t bothered by them for a long while and now they’re suddenly becoming more common again.

I love the feeling of being more securely locked in the cage. The tetherspout have a special lock that secures it to the cage and requires a unique tool to open it. I’ve given it to Red and I have no idea where she keeps it.
Both me and Red have talked about me getting a PA in the future, but the main reason I haven’t done so yet isn’t because I’m afraid of any pain from getting the piercing, but the fact that I’ll have to go two-three months without a cage while it heals.
If the tetherspout works out like I’m hoping I might not need to get the piercing, but there’s a part of me that wants it down the line anyway.

Red got her period last night and didn’t feel like playing. I predict a quiet week, and I’ll do my best to treat her like a queen as always.
I really do find joy in the small things that I can do for her that makes her day just a little bit easier.
I know she appreciates it as well.

[Chosen_Jackal]

It’s been two days and nights with the tetherspout.
It’s definitely secure, but there’s some discomfort so I’ve taken it out today (with Reds approval of course).
I have a smaller retaining ring so I will try that after I’ve given my penis some time to rest.
I’ve done a lot of reading on Reddit on how people get the best results from their tetherspouts and I think the issue is that it’s allowed to move too much inside my urethra.
I have some ideas on how to modify one of m cages to reduce this happening.

I’ve had problems using urethral tubes as well. It’s always fine for the first day, but then it gets increasingly sore and I eventually have to remove them.
Parts of me think that having things stuffed in there maybe isn’t for me, but I’m going to try a few more things before I give up.

I guess the reason I want to use these things is because I want the physical sensation of being securely locked up. I have never cheated or even wanted to cheat in the cages where I can pull out. It’s just the thought of not even having the option that appeals to me so much.
I guess it all comes from a deep desire to submit and be made powerless in service of Red. I want to be at her mercy and service her however she sees fit. Those rare occasions where she’s saying something demeaning or acting in a way that elevates her above me stirs something inside me that I want, no need to explore further.
I try my best to keep my wishes and desires to myself, because I don’t want her to feel pressured or steered into acting a certain way for me, but I also yearn for her to just embrace the power she has over me and just take command.
She occupies my mind for most of my waking hours and lately I’ve found myself dreaming about her as well.

I’m committed to keeping these thoughts to myself and let her be herself and find her own rhythm though, because what we have now is authentic, and I don’t want to give that up for her to be some sort of kink dispenser for me.
I realize I’m luckier than most guys in having a partner with such an open mind and loving heart, so I will do my best to focus on the good things I already have.

[Tongue+groove]

. lately I’ve found myself dreaming about her as well.

This happened to me recently. I didn’t dream for years due to sleep apnea and work stress. Retirement and then chastity and my sleep is back on track. Now I’m dreaming again. The one I had about Mrs. G had me raging with desire for her when I woke. That dream of a long forgotten memory is so implanted in my mind now.

A truly splendid event these dreams are.

[Chosen_Jackal]

I thought it would be fun to keep score on how the orgasm ratio between Red and me has developed and I looked over the numbers.
I keep it in my notes app on my phone and since we officially started this journey together back in January these are the stats so far:

Starting counting from 18/01/25

Red: 44

Jackal:
Full: 5
Ruined: 4

It also needs to be said that three of my organs was in the first two weeks and the frequency has dropped off significantly.

I might have missed one or two for Red of course and I have no idea how many she might have administered on her own.

I’m curious what the numbers will be at the end of the year.

[Chosen_Jackal]

I’ve been in a longer cage for the past two days and I know Red likes the look of it. As soon as I’m more than totally flaccid my penis strains against it and it looks quite imposing in there to be fair.
It’s causing some issues however since it has more room to grow. I’m back to sleeping badly at night due to painful erections so Red allowed me to go back to the small cage today.
Now everything is tucked firm and nicely where it belongs and it’s honestly much more comfortable.
I’m also back to wearing the tetherspout and this time it feels more comfortable.
The smaller cage gives it less room to move and I’m using the smallest retaining ring.
I can’t even feel it’s in there right now, but we’ll see as the day progresses and I’m doing more physical activities.

[ARK]

Careful of keeping track of beans. If Miss Red and Miss Emmi connect, your bean ratio might be 1 bean per month. And you already had 9 beans.

[Chosen_Jackal]

Red already saw it and I got the impression that she thinks I’ve been spoiled

[Chosen_Jackal]

Are we back? We’re back!!

[Chosen_Jackal]

So the forum was down for a few days, but life goes on.
Red and I’ve not been able to spend ad much quality time as we’d like together.
She’s been extremely busy, and I’ve not felt so good a couple of nights, but we’ve been intimate a few times.
Red gets her little sleeping pills as she likes to call her orgasms whenever she wants.
I’m happy to oblige.
I received a ruined orgasm and was thankful for that.

Red is getting more and more comfortable with putting me in my place. She has shot down every attempt from me to try and make my penis relevant. She’s making it perfectly clear that it’s not a tool for her pleasure any longer. It’s just there for her to use to torment and mock me.
When we first started this journey together I believed we’d just do tease and denial, and that we’d be pretty vanilla except for that.
Oh boy was I wrong.
The D/s dynamic is becoming more and more evident. Red isn’t a typical dominatrix, but she’s in complete control and her sadistic side is coming out in more ways than one.
She’s also leaning into humiliation and I’m surprised to say that I love being degraded.

We’ve also spent some time talking about where we see our relationship going and it’s pretty clear that we’re slowly evolving into a FLR. Red is ready to take on a clear leadership role and I’m ready to give her more and more control. I say that like I’m the one giving up control, but the truth is that she’s taking it.

I’ll be back to writing more detailed journal entries soon, but a status update is all I’ve got for now.