Thanks.Lady M wrote:He's been asked...Happily caged wrote:By the way, I would like to recommend that a moderator PM yep-nope to ask if he really wants his e-mail to show up in the OP and if the response is a nope, to remove it.
Thanks.
looking for help
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Happily caged
- Posts: 172
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 2015 10:37 pm
Re: looking for help
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Grizzly228
- Posts: 204
- Joined: Fri Apr 18, 2014 11:06 am
Re: looking for help
I can only tell you what I did and it worked. But can't guarantee results. Communication is key. First I told her that I sometimes enjoyed the sensations associated with not cumming and how it made the ultimate orgasm amazing. I told her when I was Single I would try to go as long as possible to see how good it would feel. Luckily she was very understanding though she didn't fully understand why I would withhold pleasure from myself.
Second we had sex (several times actually) by me beginnin with PIV then ending with giving her oral. Once she has came multiple times we would both be exhausted and I'd be horny as hell but we would just cuddle and talk. I made sure I told her how much I enjoyed it. After a few times of this she started playing into it by saying she enjoyed how aggressive and willing to please I was when not orgasming for a few days. Then she would tell me not to cum as it would jeopardize her enjoyment.
The first time it took about 6 long days before she gave me my orgasm and it was amazing. I think she could see the effect the whole process had. We went a while without it and I didn't bring it up much at all and just enjoyed a "normal" relationship.
Soon after she wanted the multiple Orgasms again. Instead of 2-1 or 1:1 ratio she began getting 22:1 ratio! Yes I counted. So the ball was in her court at that point and that is when I got my record of 20 days without orgasms but having sex often.
Afterwards we went the holidays as a "normal" couple again. About two weeks ago she brought it up again and teased me mercilessly for a week. It was only about 6 days again between orgasms but I swear it felt like 20 again.
I guess try to bring it up in a way that will benefit her and show her how by being openly appreciative of each effort she makes and don't make it into a hassle. Enjoy the teasing and don't complain when she doesn't feel like doing it. Make it a positive that helps the relationship not a problem that she has to abide by rules and contracts. Let her use you as she sees fit. Sometimes I wish she would deny me longer and take me to higher heights but I accept what she allows and love every second.
Second we had sex (several times actually) by me beginnin with PIV then ending with giving her oral. Once she has came multiple times we would both be exhausted and I'd be horny as hell but we would just cuddle and talk. I made sure I told her how much I enjoyed it. After a few times of this she started playing into it by saying she enjoyed how aggressive and willing to please I was when not orgasming for a few days. Then she would tell me not to cum as it would jeopardize her enjoyment.
The first time it took about 6 long days before she gave me my orgasm and it was amazing. I think she could see the effect the whole process had. We went a while without it and I didn't bring it up much at all and just enjoyed a "normal" relationship.
Soon after she wanted the multiple Orgasms again. Instead of 2-1 or 1:1 ratio she began getting 22:1 ratio! Yes I counted. So the ball was in her court at that point and that is when I got my record of 20 days without orgasms but having sex often.
Afterwards we went the holidays as a "normal" couple again. About two weeks ago she brought it up again and teased me mercilessly for a week. It was only about 6 days again between orgasms but I swear it felt like 20 again.
I guess try to bring it up in a way that will benefit her and show her how by being openly appreciative of each effort she makes and don't make it into a hassle. Enjoy the teasing and don't complain when she doesn't feel like doing it. Make it a positive that helps the relationship not a problem that she has to abide by rules and contracts. Let her use you as she sees fit. Sometimes I wish she would deny me longer and take me to higher heights but I accept what she allows and love every second.
Re: looking for help
This forum has been so much help in my journey to be caged full time. Words of wisdom Tame Lion. I want everything now like a kid waiting on Christmas but know I must tread lightly in convincing my wife and reluctant key holder how much I want her to control our sex life. I have to remember to not top from the bottom.
Re: looking for help
My wife only really got into it seriously when she read A Keyholders Handbook bu Georgia Ivey Green. It is an ebook or print, sold on Amazon.com. Much of the stuff on the internet is male fantasy versions of chastity. More Femdom and BDSM than pure chastity. Sure you can add that other stuff in later but don't overwhelm your wife at first. The issues that I had to overcome with my wife are:
1. She though she was being cruel by denying her husband an orgasm.
2. Sex was not real unless I had an orgasm.
3. She thought that it was unhealthy and believe the Blue Balls thing.
4. She found it too much work.
5. She did not want me to be submissive.
6. Too many rules that kept changing that she felt she needed a lawyer to interpret the "contract".
7. Using games of chance to determine my chastity period made her feel that she was not needed because it took control of my orgasms away from her.
1. I explained that when I sway I want to cum, I really mean I do not, so if she makes me cum she is not pleasing me as she thinks she is. Only by denying me is she pleasing me. We set up a safe word to use so that I can beg and plead all I want but unless I use my safe word, she is not to let me cum. This lets her know that she is not causing me any harm and that I am not mad at her for denying me.
2. Although she still calls it fake sex, I have shown her how much I enjoy being edged and helping her have an orgasm. She now loves to tease me and laughs out loud at my sexual frustration. At first I did a little acting by over reacting to her touch and amped my moans up a notch. She began to associate denying me with pleasure. I know, I trained her like a dog.
But it worked.
3. She read about orgasms, the prostate and male sexual health and got comfortable with chastity but only if she could give me a ruined orgasm once a month. She had no sexual experience before I married her so she really did not know much about men.
4. To make it fun instead of a chore, she issued standing orders to always be locked up, my word that I would not play with myself when she unlocks me for a shower, do not nag her about giving me an orgasm, and other things that she found burdensome. Now all she has to do it hand me the key when I need to be unlocked.
5. I cut out all the submissive D/s stuff. Occasionally she will have me wear panties and a bra but that is for special occasions. We are back to me being her strong and protective husband with the only difference that I do more for her and she controls our sex life.
6. The problem with rules is that they do keep changing as you learn what works for you two or not. Then when you change a rule it may affect or contradict other rules. Quite frankly, it controls your sex life and tells you both what to do and not to do not matter how you feel about it at the time. It clicked when we boiled it down to one rule; my wife makes all the rules and can change, add or delete them at any time without prior notices. She liked that and it did not tie her down to any set of rules. She was free to do as she wanted and change her mind at any time.
7. We eliminated games of chance to determine my chastity period. My wife felt that it took her control away from her. She wanted to determine when I had an orgasm, not the roll of the dice.
I also started doing things for her when locked up like offering to get her a cup of coffee, volunteering to do the dishes every night, helping her fold the laundry, make the bed, massage her feet, etc.. I subtly made it known that the longer I am denied an orgasm, the more I felt a need to do more of the small things that she now takes for granted. She asked, did not demand, and thanked me. She does not want to be called Mistress or anything like that. She likes Hon or Honey, what I always called her..
We are older so this may not work for you, but we set up two sex nights a week when no matter how we feel, we have sex. My wife started to get turned on when teasing me and having one or two orgasms each night. They are intense and often cramp her toes and other parts of her body. We sometimes have sex more often but at least twice a week. If not, it starts to feel like I am locked up and forgotten about. Very often we are not horny but once in bed and the teasing begins, we become very horny.
We started chastity with a week at a time. As we both got comfortable with it, we gradually extended it to 4-6 months over the course of a year. We had agreed to both try it for a year and then decide if we wanted to continue. The year ended and we decide to make it our lifestyle. No I am into week 8 of not full orgasm and do not even feel like cumming and my wife does not feel like making me cum. She says that she does not want me to have a full orgasm for the rest of the year but she let slip tonight that she has plans for Valentine's Day. I am undecided if I should just tell her not to make me cum as originally planned. I know she prefers if I do not cum but you know how love interferes in stuff like this.
One more bit of acting will help. The women here are going to kill me for saying this but it worked and was only used during the initial period. No wives were harmed in the making of my chastity. What I did was act unhappy the day after I came. I am normally depressed after an orgasm but I acted it up. She soon noticed and started to tell me that she did not like the way I was after an orgasms and prefers when I do not cum. I told her that I too did not like me after an orgasm and would be fine without them. So now the two of us work together to prevent my orgasms, as a team.
That is all I got. Our first two attempts failed. As I addressed the problems above, she got more into it until she started to love teasing me (remember Pavlov and conditioned responses). I cannot help it if Psychology was my minor in college. People do this all the time like your boss telling rewarding you for a job well done, complimenting someone when they wear something you like, and lets face it, women still use sex to get men to do as they want.
None of this may work for you but this is what worked for me. Keep in mind that it too almost a year to get to the point where I was locked up 24/7 and my wife no longer felt guilty about not giving me a full orgasm at all. Take from my experience what you want and feel free to ignore what does not work for you.
1. She though she was being cruel by denying her husband an orgasm.
2. Sex was not real unless I had an orgasm.
3. She thought that it was unhealthy and believe the Blue Balls thing.
4. She found it too much work.
5. She did not want me to be submissive.
6. Too many rules that kept changing that she felt she needed a lawyer to interpret the "contract".
7. Using games of chance to determine my chastity period made her feel that she was not needed because it took control of my orgasms away from her.
1. I explained that when I sway I want to cum, I really mean I do not, so if she makes me cum she is not pleasing me as she thinks she is. Only by denying me is she pleasing me. We set up a safe word to use so that I can beg and plead all I want but unless I use my safe word, she is not to let me cum. This lets her know that she is not causing me any harm and that I am not mad at her for denying me.
2. Although she still calls it fake sex, I have shown her how much I enjoy being edged and helping her have an orgasm. She now loves to tease me and laughs out loud at my sexual frustration. At first I did a little acting by over reacting to her touch and amped my moans up a notch. She began to associate denying me with pleasure. I know, I trained her like a dog.
But it worked.3. She read about orgasms, the prostate and male sexual health and got comfortable with chastity but only if she could give me a ruined orgasm once a month. She had no sexual experience before I married her so she really did not know much about men.
4. To make it fun instead of a chore, she issued standing orders to always be locked up, my word that I would not play with myself when she unlocks me for a shower, do not nag her about giving me an orgasm, and other things that she found burdensome. Now all she has to do it hand me the key when I need to be unlocked.
5. I cut out all the submissive D/s stuff. Occasionally she will have me wear panties and a bra but that is for special occasions. We are back to me being her strong and protective husband with the only difference that I do more for her and she controls our sex life.
6. The problem with rules is that they do keep changing as you learn what works for you two or not. Then when you change a rule it may affect or contradict other rules. Quite frankly, it controls your sex life and tells you both what to do and not to do not matter how you feel about it at the time. It clicked when we boiled it down to one rule; my wife makes all the rules and can change, add or delete them at any time without prior notices. She liked that and it did not tie her down to any set of rules. She was free to do as she wanted and change her mind at any time.
7. We eliminated games of chance to determine my chastity period. My wife felt that it took her control away from her. She wanted to determine when I had an orgasm, not the roll of the dice.
I also started doing things for her when locked up like offering to get her a cup of coffee, volunteering to do the dishes every night, helping her fold the laundry, make the bed, massage her feet, etc.. I subtly made it known that the longer I am denied an orgasm, the more I felt a need to do more of the small things that she now takes for granted. She asked, did not demand, and thanked me. She does not want to be called Mistress or anything like that. She likes Hon or Honey, what I always called her..
We are older so this may not work for you, but we set up two sex nights a week when no matter how we feel, we have sex. My wife started to get turned on when teasing me and having one or two orgasms each night. They are intense and often cramp her toes and other parts of her body. We sometimes have sex more often but at least twice a week. If not, it starts to feel like I am locked up and forgotten about. Very often we are not horny but once in bed and the teasing begins, we become very horny.
We started chastity with a week at a time. As we both got comfortable with it, we gradually extended it to 4-6 months over the course of a year. We had agreed to both try it for a year and then decide if we wanted to continue. The year ended and we decide to make it our lifestyle. No I am into week 8 of not full orgasm and do not even feel like cumming and my wife does not feel like making me cum. She says that she does not want me to have a full orgasm for the rest of the year but she let slip tonight that she has plans for Valentine's Day. I am undecided if I should just tell her not to make me cum as originally planned. I know she prefers if I do not cum but you know how love interferes in stuff like this.
One more bit of acting will help. The women here are going to kill me for saying this but it worked and was only used during the initial period. No wives were harmed in the making of my chastity. What I did was act unhappy the day after I came. I am normally depressed after an orgasm but I acted it up. She soon noticed and started to tell me that she did not like the way I was after an orgasms and prefers when I do not cum. I told her that I too did not like me after an orgasm and would be fine without them. So now the two of us work together to prevent my orgasms, as a team.
That is all I got. Our first two attempts failed. As I addressed the problems above, she got more into it until she started to love teasing me (remember Pavlov and conditioned responses). I cannot help it if Psychology was my minor in college. People do this all the time like your boss telling rewarding you for a job well done, complimenting someone when they wear something you like, and lets face it, women still use sex to get men to do as they want.
None of this may work for you but this is what worked for me. Keep in mind that it too almost a year to get to the point where I was locked up 24/7 and my wife no longer felt guilty about not giving me a full orgasm at all. Take from my experience what you want and feel free to ignore what does not work for you.
"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle
Re: looking for help
Grizzly228 and Len51 have offered good advice and experiences.
I can't add a lot, we've played a little, but I'm mostly still learning how to live with my device on. My wife has known I've wanted a device for maybe almost 20 years, so finally acting on it last fall was not a huge surprise, and having the opportunity to play with it on my first day on a birthday hotel weekend for me meant I had an opportunity to make it about me without guilt on my part, and she was quite happy to oblige. By the time we hit bed, she had had a few drinks and was incredibly wet with the sexual tension - so we had a good start.
I can't add a lot, we've played a little, but I'm mostly still learning how to live with my device on. My wife has known I've wanted a device for maybe almost 20 years, so finally acting on it last fall was not a huge surprise, and having the opportunity to play with it on my first day on a birthday hotel weekend for me meant I had an opportunity to make it about me without guilt on my part, and she was quite happy to oblige. By the time we hit bed, she had had a few drinks and was incredibly wet with the sexual tension - so we had a good start.