No release

[Locked by LRC]

We,My wife/kh and I had a slight domestic this morning and all I could think about was getting out of the device so as not to feel like I was not in control.

I think part of what you were feeling is that the phallus is a symbol of power. When in a KH situation that is what some women like about it. They have control of the phallus in the relationship. When you were angry you wanted to be released so you could gain control of the situation. I think this is part of our DNA as mammals.
Almost all mammals in the world accept the holder of the phallus to be the one with the power.

Another post about pegging also brought this up. Here, and before, I have heard comments like “I felt so in control of him”, “I felt like she was totally dominating me”, etc. This all involves who has the phallus and who is using it on whom.

[Kiki]

I don't think there is anything close to a "one size fits all" answer to any of those questions, Tom. Every relationship is a unique snowflake.

However I will say this: it is usually very disappointing and painful when a scene or game has to end before the desired time or outcome, and that in fact, a keyholder probably would feel very badly for breaking the scene over an argument.

[Dev]

This is an interesting discussion. I think another point is what is "life" vs. what is "lifestyle"? One of the Keyheld bloggers, Wench wrote about how they do a month on/month off (ie, month of D/s, then a month of vanilla). They had so much fun with D/s in January, however, they extended it into February. It was an interesting idea to me.

I think chastity, because men wear their devices more or less continuously has a way of lulling us into believing it is "life" -- and in one way it is -- but it is also lifestyle. If something happened to Ab (God forbid!) -- he broke his leg, eg, and said, "I really don't want wear this thing right now. It's too much trouble along with dealing with a cast and crutches and everything," well, of course I would agree!

I think an argument can bring some of these same issues to the fore. Is it a serious argument signaling real problems (life) vs. a pissy little spat like mikecb said?

This also touches on issues I was mulling over when I did my Phases of Dev blog post the other day. http://devotedlvr.wordpress.com/2011/02 ... es-of-dev/
Is chastity a phase which would suggest lifestyle, or is it something that will get integrated more deeply into our life? Right now it feels pretty much the way we do things but I have also learned to never say always. The only "always" things in my life are wife, mother, and nurse. The rest could disappear with the snap of my finger.

Of course, "wife" could incorporate chastity, FLR and more, but I haven't gotten to the point of believing that is totally true.

Thinking out loud here, btw.

D

[poinciana]

This is indeed interesting. In our situation, which, I have to say, keeps changing, it's hard to define our chastity arrangement. It's a lifestyle, because we choose to do it, but it's not irreversible. But as my reality is that I'm locked unless she decides otherwise, that's pretty much my lot in life; my default position. So perhaps for her it's a lifestyle, but for me it's life?

But, as I said, we change. Before we got the MM Jailbird, I always had access to the key for the CB6000, without having to ask. I always did though, but it was chastity with an honour system, I guess. She just didn't want to be bothered with the key all the time. Now with our bright, shiny new device which she loves, I don't know where the key is (apart from the emergency key, which lives in the first aid box), and I have to ask for it. Anyway, she refused my sexual advances last weekend, and I was pissed off, and I asked to be let out. She said no. I went to bed.

As I lay awake for the next few hours, I felt a range of emotions. I felt like an adolescent again, being denied by parents. I was angry about the loss of control. I thought about going for the spare key, but I didn't. It was a small disagreement which I usually handle better. I was an idiot for being pissed off at her for not wanting sex, but I was really surprised by her resolute refusal about the key.

As I've said previously, we don't discuss much, but her actions speak volumes.

So, this is chastity, eh?

[mikecb]

However I will say this: it is usually very disappointing and painful when a scene or game has to end before the desired time or outcome, and that in fact, a keyholder probably would feel very badly for breaking the scene over an argument.

Ooh, I love the use of the word "scene" here. I think it conveys my thinking better than the word "lifestyle" did. In the context Kiki alludes to, a "scene" in which he is locked may span days, weeks or months. Maybe it's "lifestyle", or maybe it's a "bedroom game", but in either event, it's a "scene".

So, does the husband end this scene over a spat? Or, to touch on Tom's question, does the Wife end the scene? I think in either case, it would cause resentment and frustration by the partner.

So, in the context of a spat, would I want to cause that level of resentment or frustration? Maybe yes, or maybe no. It's a choice, just as sleeping on the couch, stomping out of the house in a huff, or giving the cold shoulder.

mikecb

[ChastizedRob]

This is kinda like the argument on hotwife/cuckold forums where length debates rage over whether one is cuckold if his wife is seeing other men as a hotwife?

Does having a hotwife automaticaly make you a cuckold?

All I know is that I also got into an argument with my wife last night and was told very sternly today that I must wait an extra week for release! (32->39 days!) I have been locked since Jan 4 and have had only one orgasm on Jan 15 and none since.

I'm not sure I agree with her using chastity as punishment but I'm not going to argue 1 extra week. One month or longer extra lock and I may have to break the plastic off.....oh well, we are new to this so hopefully she will learn not to abuse it, however, it is nice she has such a strong interest in this from teh begging (Jan 4)......however, I have decided NEVER to have a silly arguement like last night ever again with her!

Best Wishes, Rob

[steph17]

Some great replies and some quite complex replies. But as the argument was slight and soon resolved I am glad my wife/kh kept hold of the key even though my pride was a little dented at the time. I am sure I will have this situation occur again and hopefully I can put up with the feeling of lack of control better.
Another point that was raised was who has the phallus and on that point I can say my wife/kh feels more powerful when she wears a strap on and rides me.