David's Year of Orgasm Denial

[mykey]

Hi david.

Are you sure you want to do this? Over on tantalism a girl named susan tried this several times. She and her partner put her on an orgasm denial regime for a year and put various idea to the readers to be done to her. Each time within a few months either the strain of going without, or more often the strain on their relationship would make them stop. Putting a time limit sets up expectations.

Maybe be more easygoing and just see how long you can go? No target and no temptation to go on when it's no longer fun.

M

[thumper]

I gotta tell you, the more I think about this, the more it creeps me out. Orgasm denial and chastity are elements of an otherwise healthy sexual relationship and they're entered into by both sides with equal commitment. What I read here (and forgive me for coming in so late - I was travelling and haven't been around the forum much) is a somewhat reluctant partner and a guy with a serious thing for chastity. *We* cannot be your keyholder. It just doesn't work that way.

You say in your intro that "unlike a blog where a couple shares their experiences...I hope this thread is more of a chance for members to directly influence a husband being held chaste by his wife." Speaking from experience, what you describe *is* what my blog was (and still is). I post what's happening and people are free to leave comments and suggestions. The big difference is, it's still *our* relationship and we're free to use or discard whatever we read. You're asking random strangers to be proxy holders in your sex life with your wife. I think that's exactly the wrong way to do this kink and more than a little unhealthy. I won't stop you from doing it here on the forum, but I won't participate. I advise you try something else.

[davidphd1866]

Dear Esteemed Group Members,

This is awesome feedback! Thank you very much. This is exactly the sort of help we will need to attain our goals. The comments asked a lot of questions--more than I think I can properly handle in one post, so I will do the best I can. PLEASE continue to ask specific questions and I will do the best I can to answer them.

One of the overall questions seems to be related to the events that brought my wife and I to this point in our chastity journey. Maybe I can say a little bit about that.

My wife and I are 47 and 48 years old respectively. Married for 9 years and together for almost 15. Both of us work, with me having my own consulting practice so I tend to have a fair amount of flexible or free time. We have no kids and live in Southern California. (in the great morass of Los Angeles)

Our sex life was utterly normal or vanilla since we met. And by normal I don't mean "great" or anything, just what I perceive to be normal. We had intercourse about 3 times a week the first few years then it gradually decreased to about once a week as recently as three years ago. During all of this time she had never orgasmed from intercourse. Now I can't say why that was, maybe it was my technique, maybe it was my smallish penis (5 inches), maybe it's just my wife's physiology. Regardless, the only way I could stimulate my wife to orgasm was manually with my fingers. (she also never cared for oral sex, either giving or receiving) Probably the most important thing was that we both felt an obligation to provide one another with an orgasm during each session. If one of us didn't cum, it was deemed a failure.

About three years ago I began to wonder to myself about my own sexual ability. Was I too small? Did I masturbate too much? (I probably did) Was I just getting older? etc. etc. So I began to scour the internet for information. That was where I stumbled upon Tantra, Taoism, Gnosticism, Karezza and male chastity. It turned out there was a lot of evidence out there that restriction of ejaculation was healthful to the male. I figured I had to try.

So somewhere roughly 2.5 years ago I gathered up the courage to ask my wife if she'd try having sex where I was not cumming. I cited all of the cliche reasons for doing so: more attentive, blah, blah, blah....so she agreed to give it a try. I bought a CB3000 (my first chastity device) I figured male chastity would augment all of the above mentioned philosophies so was kind of a foundation for "ejaculation control". Believe me, I knew I was on to something, but I hardly had it all sorted out.

I wish I wrote the date down, but the first time we made love with me wearing the CB, it was amazing. My wife had one of her best orgasms ever. (I stimulated her manually) I strained against the device and my wife seemed perfectly happy to leave me be inside of it. No "but Honey, what about you?" She simply made a contented sigh and thanked me profusely and rolled over and went to sleep. I distinctly recall a michievous giggle out of her as well.

Well, the cat was out of the bag. It turned out (upon discussions later) that my wife strongly preferred being pleasured this way. To take away the "pressure" to provide me with an orgasm was much more enjoyable for her. And since she derived little apparent pleasure from penetration with my penis, she came to view my orgasm (always after hers) as a duty to be performed, rather than a mutual sharing of pleasure. (please, I am sure this wasn't "right", but I am just relaying the history here) Combined with my wife's relief, she also felt that restricting my ejaculation was really GOOD for my health. (and I thought so as well, considering the Taoist, Tantric and Gnostic readings)

Thus the stage was set. We have kept practicing a chastity lifestyle ever since. My wife prefers sex this way (I have asked, and we have had many long chats about it). We both believe that limiting my ejaculation is healthy for me. So we seemed to have found the proverbial "win win" situation.

Fast forward to today: We seem to do just fine with our chastity actions. But we both wonder what lays on "the other side". That is, what if we can maintain an ejaculation-free state for an extended period of time? Are we really setting the clock back to zero every time I cum? We've made it to about three months before and the results were quite good. But there has always been some kind of interruption or accident. (some unsupervised unlocked time where I masturbate, for example) For quite some time now, we have both wondered what would happen if I could last a whole year.

Finally, the question was asked about what sort of sex my wife wants. That answer is clear. She wants me to continue to stimulate her manually.....probably about twice a week.

I hope that gives some context. Thank you all and PLEASE keep the advice, requests, comments coming.

David

[Dev]

You say in your intro that "unlike a blog where a couple shares their experiences...I hope this thread is more of a chance for members to directly influence a husband being held chaste by his wife." Speaking from experience, what you describe *is* what my blog was (and still is). I post what's happening and people are free to leave comments and suggestions. The big difference is, it's still *our* relationship and we're free to use or discard whatever we read.

I guess I saw this thread as a blog of sorts...a place to share and allow comments. Yes he could go out and start a Wordpress blog and publicize it and all that or he could just do it here. People can read, leave comments. I think David would take all comments under advisement and not do everything suggested blindly (more slippery slope stuff...LOL). He said from the very beginning he was interested in the idea of a year long lock up so that's not new. I think if we can be here to give a hand that's what he is looking for.

That was my take, at least.

D

[thumper]

My take was based on my recollection of his original post on the subject. To me, that invests "us" with too much power and sounds like he's abdicating how their sex life unfolds to a bunch of strangers. Like I said, creeps me out. But also like I said, I'm not getting in the way. I guess all we can do is see how it pans out.

[Dev]

I agree. Let's just wait and see how this transpires.

Although I will say, I feel like we are not so much a bunch of strangers...this is turning into a nice community of folks that I enjoy interacting with. And I feel like I know many of them.

D

[davidphd1866]

Thanks for the feedback Thumper and Dev,

I believe that there may be some misunderstanding here. Yes, I did say DIRECT input. Do I abdicate the keyholding to a "bunch of strangers"? Hardly.

Please move beyond the keyholding aspect. For example, I consider "direct" input to look something like this:

"David, we would love to see a spreadsheet that graphed days locked vs days unlocked so that we can see what that really looks like when objective observation takes place."

I believe that there is way too much anecdotal information regarding chastity and almost zero empirical information. In fact, this group compains about that very thing!!!!

So I ask, what do you want to know that I can help to find out over the next year? Do you want to observe what actually happens or what people generally recall based on their often inaccurate memories?

I am offering the ability for members to look in the proverbial window of a sincere chastity effort. I am offering the ability for members to help gain knowledge from it by actively participating and asking for what they want to know or see. It's YOUR chance to get empirical data or experience.

What I won't do, on the other hand, is to justify to others whether or not I am "doing it right". Let me see....you don't have any interest in sissies, cuckolding.......and now those who "are trying something that is too difficult".

It is clear that several members ARE interested. Some are not. I will respond to specific requests or questions. The last thing this group needs in unwelcomed opinion.

David

[justplaying]

David;

Thanks for the background info...I will work on a list of "things that can be measured" for the experiment. I totally agree that there really is no hard data on the subject. This is a golden opportunity...maybe you can publish a paper on it. Is your Doctorate degree in Medicine or something else?

Keep the faith....I think this is going to be really cool!

Again good luck.

[mykey]

Well good luck David. If it stops being fun though do stop before it becomes a problem.

I recommend you look up susans posts on tantalism.org.

M

[davidphd1866]

Justforfun: Thanks. I hope there are some measurable things that would be of use for everyone. This can be both quantitative as well as qualitative. Would you, how much, how often, to what degree, this vs that, I dare ya, would you do it in week one, week 31? Let me see xyz, etc. etc.

Mykey: I looked at the Tantalism site. My interpretation is that this IS a good idea. I actually found it encouraging. Maybe I just see things differently. Do you have a specific passage I should read?

Justforfun: the PhD is in economics. Alas, I have little to no medical training. Thanks for your interest. We have some time, so please think of how you'd best benefit from having a subject to evaluate and experiment with.

David