Cupid's Poisoned Arrow

[Dev]

There are societies that quite openly tolerate cuckoldry. On the south sea islands with their small, closed populations, it is not uncommon that a passing stranger has sex with a local wife, and the resulting child being accepted into the family by the wife's husband. Expanding the genetic base of the population is always an evolutionary advantage.

On Tuesday, I was at a presentation by two physicians who just returned from an 18 month stay in Lesotho. Lesotho has some of the highest HIV rates in the world (they estimate that 50% of the women under the age of 40 are HIV+) so naturally, sexual practices are a concern. Apparently, "concurrent monogamy" is the norm (as opposed to serial monogamy which is what is common here in the US). Many (most?) men go to South Africa for a period of time to work in the mines, leaving their wives behind. The men will have lovers while they are away, as will the wives who are back at home. You can see how this network of sexual partners can lead to skyrocketing HIV infection rates. The men also, apparently, have a very macho attitude about being men and absolutely refuse to wear condoms which also contributes to the problem.

D

[justplaying]

All good comments....I tried to downplay the almost "cult like" feeling of the book, but the website doesn't hold back. I didn't care much for that part of it myself, I was interested in how our body chemistry affects our thinking and emotions. Honestly, I would like to read more about that, but have found very little on the internet that a lay man can understand. I actually started this whole search after reading Kelmag's blog.

Here's the link: http://secretchastityhusband.blogspot.c ... otion.html

I should also mention that the author's husband was addicted to alcohol and porn. Personally, when someone says that they are addicted to porn, I think they mean addicted to masturbation. That is partly why I found the book interesting. The book was written mostly from the point of view that the human male is hardwired to seek out an orgasm. Once the male experiences orgasm they want to achieve that "high" again and again. They claim that this need of constant orgasm eventually programs the brain to search out relief but eventually, like any addict they have to have more of the "drug" to get off. Is it a stretch of science? I don't know, it's only one book and it isn't written by scientist. However, I have read medical journals that describe how addiction is formed in the brain and it was described in the same terms.

Having said all that...Porn, masturbation, orgasm...not a bad thing at all, IF it's in balance with everything else in your relationship. The subtitle of the book was "From Habit to Harmony". Meaning that when they broke the chemical cycles of orgasm, (habit), they experienced a different type of sexual pleasure that resulted in more intimacy and harmony. In that respect I think that chastity play fits perfectly with the non orgasm theme of the book. Several of us that are practicing chastity are enjoying the constant feeling of desire for our key holder, while being denied orgasm. We crave orgasm control by our key holder. It doesn't mean that we don't like or want orgasm, just that being denied the pleasure of it, keeps us on edge for a long time. It also seems to make us more receptive towards giving attention to our key holder, (in many ways). At least that is my personal experience with chastity play with my key holder /wife.

I think it's all good from that perspective. As far as cuckolding? I can see how it fits biologically in the argument but my rationale mind just can't accept it. Perhaps we humans have mostly evolved beyond that or more likely have found other ways of fulfilling the need for "warrior sex" and "provider intimacy".

It' great having a forum like this to get other views on the subject....keep the comments coming.

[Atone]

People are different. For some (Atone comes to mind) having a completed orgasm actually ends with them feeling somehow bad about it. Me, I almost never felt bad. Only when I positively knew that I had failed to hold myself back sufficiently and deprived my wife from having hers with me.

The only reason I felt bad about my last (ruined) orgasm is that it was not authorized. I was glad that I was at least able to stop enough that it was "ruined" but I was disappointed none the less. I think my feelings about it are much the same as what you describe above.

When I was allowed to orgasm the time prior to that it was great and I enjoyed it immensely.

I will add that at the moment I am in to the really long periods of denial but that may change, and I am OK with that if / when it happens.

-A

[kpb57]

I was referring to this from your "Ruined Orgasm" thread:

As another side note, she did say how much she liked that I didn't get grumpy after my ruined orgasm like I do after a regular orgasm. This is something that she says I have always done, in particular on the day after we would have sex.

Getting grumpy after having had an orgasm is something both of us can't remember. It's rather like our buddies at work can make marks on the calendar when we've had sex the preceding night (because of the happy mood we show).

[Atone]

I was referring to this from your "Ruined Orgasm" thread:

OK, that makes sense that you got that feeling. It was never the case that *I* felt bad (or grumpy) about having an orgasm. It was that my wife thought I was grumpy after having an orgasm. I think what was really happening is that I was satisfied and moved on to other things the next day, my focus was somewhere else. She thought that I should be a little "happier". Now, last night we had sex, by that I mean that I took care of her orally while remaining locked up. It was great for both of us last night and this morning I can't tell her enough how much I appreciated it.

-A

[kpb57]

I think what was really happening is that I was satisfied and moved on to other things the next day, my focus was somewhere else.

Talk about us men and their singlemindedness. When we are into something, it is as if we were not there at all, which must be frustrating for the communication-oriented beings that our wifes/girlfriends are.
Now, although we don't do orgasm denial in any way you would see as "denial", me being locked in the cage throughout the day gives us something to structure our intimate lives about.
Which, as far as I can tell (and I can tell bettter now than ever before because of the better and more open communication), works out great for the both of us.

[sweetie-too]

I have speculated on possible motivations for cuckoldry and why it turns me and so many other people on. One theory I have is that sperm competition is good for our species and so having a partner that sleeps with other men is genes expressing a desire for sperm competion for the good of our species. The amount of "Hot WIfe" "Cuckcolding" "Gangbang" porn in existence seems to indicate a genetic source.

While unscientific here are the tags most used at literotica and the amount of stories tagged with them.

anal(14866)
oral(10585)
threesome(8752)
lesbian(7435)
masturbation(7392)
blowjob(7338)
bondage(7001)
oral sex(6086)
drama(6037)
romance(5405)
humiliation(5234)
spanking(5226)
wife(5124)
femdom(5059)
milf(4796)
cheating(4715)
college(4562)
submission(4463)
love(4353)
older woman(4302)
mother(4284)
voyeur(4133)
first time(4008)
sister(3916)
cuckold(3911)

[TwistedMister]

The amount of "Hot WIfe" "Cuckcolding" "Gangbang" porn in existence seems to indicate a genetic source.

Using that sort of 'logic', your conclusion doesn't stand up. If Literotica stories were an indicator of genetic predispositions, then with 'cuckolding' coming in dead last in your list with just under 4000 and 'anal' heading it with nearly 4 times as much, then the subsequent conclusion would be that the human race is genetically programmed for extinction from depositing sperm in a place that guarantees that it will not result in reproduction.

[RegularJoe]

The amount of "Hot WIfe" "Cuckcolding" "Gangbang" porn in existence seems to indicate a genetic source.

Using that sort of 'logic', your conclusion doesn't stand up. If Literotica stories were an indicator of genetic predispositions, then with 'cuckolding' coming in dead last in your list with just under 4000 and 'anal' heading it with nearly 4 times as much, then the subsequent conclusion would be that the human race is genetically programmed for extinction from depositing sperm in a place that guarantees that it will not result in reproduction.

Just my opinion of course, but I think the cuckolding fetish is really more a subset of a humiliation/submission fetish, and when it involves the use of a MC device to enhance the experience it also incorporates aspects of BDSM.

There may be genetic components, but I think it's more likely these things are more a matter of some sort of stimulatory imprint that occurs at a critical time in a person's development...of course, a propensity to imprint sexual behaviors is genetic, and provides survival advantages for our species.

However 'these things' fit together, they must be working, because there's certainly no shortage of human beings on the planet.

[Finn]

I had not seen this post before. Interesting stuff. I have to say that I do feel that chastity is in a way, a form of Kareeza, if that's how you go about it. I used to wear a CB regularly, but due to inflammation issues, we stopped using it for more than occasional times. What we do now is more honour system. What we do is also based more on Tantric than anything else. We all have different ways of doing things, and view them differently, which makes it hard to generalize about fetishes and practises. For me, I don't masturbate anymore (used to edge a lot) and I don't have orgasms (used to have big drops after) or have penetrative sex. This was started with a CB, and the habits were formed with a CB, but the CB isn't a regular thing. I can, and do get physical relief, by giving orgasm, as long as I'm in the right Tantric headspace. As to the cuckolding discussions here, it's something of interest to me on some levels. I have an unusual situation, in that I live with my wife, and my sub/pet, lives in an apartment in our house, and we hang out together. Our sexual lives are separate however, and with my sub, my wife does not allow penetrative sex, or me to get off in any way, outside of her being allowed to give me the odd ruined orgasm. My wife prefers toys to regular sex, and we use a strap-on, that I wear for sex. Anyhow, with my sub, I would be OK with her having a fuckbuddy, as she does miss penis in vagina. We have a number of swinger friends, and it's something we could arrange, but as has been pointed out in terms of risk, it's not something we'd just go do for fun, or on impulse. Is cuckolding (even in that situation) humiliation? It can and could be, but it depends on the people involved, and what they want/feel. Some of it depends on how you view sex and intimacy. Like many of us who are chaste, I like seeing a cock orgasm, and I like seeing people have sex. I have had MMF experience, and it can be fun to share, and often has no humiliation aspect. You can do all this stuff, so many ways, for so many reasons.