What did you find most difficult to get your partner to do?

[Snot]

Will I invite her here? Maybe, it depends on how well I think we would fit in but I doubt she'd be all that interested.

I would have to say the most difficult thing I was able to have my wife do was to participate on the KH's Forum. She's not into kink and when we started this CD journey back 2 1/2 years ago I know she was more than a little concerned as to where this was going. For 20 years regarding our sexual relationship it was pretty much all about me. I know now I was wrong and have changed my ways. She has noticed the difference and when I asked if she would participate on the KH's Forum she was hesitant. It took a little time but now she (keeperof55) will sit with her laptop on while we watch TV and respond and relate some of our experiences on the Forum from the KH's perspective. She isn't on as much as I am but it does make me feel good that she has taken this step to help better understand this MC thingy

That sounds a lot like me. I'm the type of person that asks for what they want and can step on toes to get it without really noticing. My wife is the people pleaser that wants to make sure everyone is happy so needless to say our sex life has mostly been about me as well.

We've only been married 8 years but around 3 years ago when we started chastity I guess it was enough of a shock to open her up and get her talking about what she wanted out of her sex life. Since then we've both become much better and talking about what we want and trying to give it to one another.

One awesome thing about chastity is that it really helped us learn to communicate more in many areas of our relationship.

[poor]

Apart from a decade of failed attempts to be my KH...?

Join these forums (or have a non-vanilla Twitter account). 'Vanilla Female' Led is what I am happy to be. Chatelaine doesn't feel the need to share her opinions on this platform (or any other that I am aware of) which is a shame because she has a lot to offer IMHO.

[poor]

Apart from a decade of failed attempts to get her to become my KH...?

Join these forums (or have a non-vanilla Twitter account). 'Vanilla Female' Led is what I am happy to be. Chatelaine doesn't feel the need to share her opinions on this platform (or any other that I am aware of) which is a shame because she has a lot to offer IMHO.

Oops! Sorry folks. Fat fingers & iPhones etc.

[TwistedMister]

One of the harder things has been to get her to stop being so damned 'considerate'.

"My wife is the people-pleaser that wants to make sure everyone is happy..."

Yeah, that. She all too often sacrifices her own desires in favor of what [she thinks] someone else wants, or to please someone else, and then gets upset when it turns out that the other either doesn't recognize that she made some sort of sacrifice in their favor or didn't want what she thought they wanted (not just me, other family/friends as well). It hasn't been easy convincing her that she doesn't have to please everyone else all the time, that she deserves to be a little 'selfish' sometimes.

Another one is convincing her that it's OK to let her kinky side out. In her sleep/dreams(*) she can get pretty kinky, but that Catholic repression she experienced as a child prevents it from breaking through to her awake self. She has made considerable progress (compared to how she used to be, and compared to friends raised the same way) but it has taken a long time.

(*)(She often talks in her sleep, and sometimes wakes me up when she does, so I know some of the things that run around inside her head when her conscious mind is off-duty.)

[MissyBsBitch]

Will I invite her here? Maybe, it depends on how well I think we would fit in but I doubt she'd be all that interested.

I would have to say the most difficult thing I was able to have my wife do was to participate on the KH's Forum. She's not into kink and when we started this CD journey back 2 1/2 years ago I know she was more than a little concerned as to where this was going. For 20 years regarding our sexual relationship it was pretty much all about me. I know now I was wrong and have changed my ways. She has noticed the difference and when I asked if she would participate on the KH's Forum she was hesitant. It took a little time but now she (keeperof55) will sit with her laptop on while we watch TV and respond and relate some of our experiences on the Forum from the KH's perspective. She isn't on as much as I am but it does make me feel good that she has taken this step to help better understand this MC thingy

I have tried to get my wife to join a couple of times, to my knowledge she hasn't yet.

[locked4her55]

Will I invite her here? Maybe, it depends on how well I think we would fit in but I doubt she'd be all that interested.

I would have to say the most difficult thing I was able to have my wife do was to participate on the KH's Forum. She's not into kink and when we started this CD journey back 2 1/2 years ago I know she was more than a little concerned as to where this was going. For 20 years regarding our sexual relationship it was pretty much all about me. I know now I was wrong and have changed my ways. She has noticed the difference and when I asked if she would participate on the KH's Forum she was hesitant. It took a little time but now she (keeperof55) will sit with her laptop on while we watch TV and respond and relate some of our experiences on the Forum from the KH's perspective. She isn't on as much as I am but it does make me feel good that she has taken this step to help better understand this MC thingy

I have tried to get my wife to join a couple of times, to my knowledge she hasn't yet.

Maybe if you can convince your wife that it's pretty tame over there (from what my rather conservative wife says) she will sign-up. My wife has shared some of the threads with me when she has been online and I would have to agree that for the most part it's a group of KH's asking questions and telling stories. Like I said, pretty tame. If it wasn't my wife wouldn't be there. One thing I did do for her was to turn off the Avatars. Some of them were a little more than she wanted to look at.

[wishful4]

I have tried to get my wife to join a couple of times, to my knowledge she hasn't yet.

Same here. I have steadily been trying to persuade my spouse to join. I am still optimistic but no success yet.

[finallyhappy]

For me it was getting the gf to really really understand that its ok if I don't cum. She made some huge strides over our vacation. Still a long way to go. Poor thing. So many years of social brainwashing to break free from.

[mrfelix]

I just roll with the punches. I got to ejaculate 2 days in a row then just went 21 days without a orgasm. Life is a wonderful mystery.

[HappyCamper]

I'm still in the beginning of the MC journey but it's pretty clear my gf will be on the vanilla side for the duration. She's an amateur actor so I think she sees MC as a stage play in the bedroom where she quotes from a book I gave her but without buying into it.

I've conceived of plans, not-yet-implemented, to incentivize allowing me to remain locked throughout the night by performing or participating in sexual, and intimate but non-sexual, acts upon her. It's clear that I will need to take the lead by using her interests and preferences in a similar way for other MC plums; it's difficult to tell your partner what you want, especially while it feels like a need, when you are supplicating.

In a way the CD was a way to alleviate her fears of kink-induced infidelity; comments I've made in the past instill a great fear that kinks will escalate until our relationship becomes non-monogamous even though she would remain so. I'd wanted a CD for years so this, like my example above, was a way to work my kink into her characteristics.

We should never forget the fact that CDs realign the sexual dynamic of relationships but not the consensual aspect. Even sexually submissive men can lose sight of this. I delight at good signs: She won't let me read the book on MC that I gave her, she smiles when she locks me up in the morning, tells me when to take it off, is annoyed when I tell her for the first time that I masturbated over a week ago and considers punishing...etc.