When kinks collide

[Locked4Xtine]

So my GF has been great with the whole chastity thing this last 5 months, her reluctance disappeared within a week or 2 and now she enjoys locking me up for 2-4 weeks at a time. We were having a great time with the whole experience.
All this after we had tried, about a year ago, a couple of attempts at pegging that she really didnt get into.

She knows that I'm pretty out-there sexually; foot fetish (smelly please!), humiliation, watch gay/tranny porn sometimes, and knows I enjoy pegging, but she accepts that I'm into them even if she won't indulge me with all of them.

She did express a concern at the time we started chastity that she was worried what kink I would come up with next, 'cos I did really press on her the whole chastity thing and all it's benefits when I discovered it.

Now, I actually discovered chastity from watching cuckolding porn, never knew about it before watching this one particular video, which led to me reading a bunch of stories and then wanting to experiment with chastity with my GF.

Now as I'm sure a lot of you know, there are quite a few chastity stories that involve cuckolding.
I started liking these a lot, and then started reading cuckolding blogs and forums, and the stuff I was reading was giving me raging boners the whole time. So much about the lifestyle rings my bells. In all honesty for the last couple of months I was spending a lot of my free time reading such things and getting turned on imagining it was all with me and my GF's adventures.

My GF has enjoyed becoming more dominant in the bedroom since we started chastity, but really she likes to be dominated (not in a kinky way) during sex, in a way I find a little unatural, and almost impossible when my stamina has been shot by weeks of chastity. So the idea of cuckolding really started to come into my head.

My GF was even kind enough to indulge me with some fantasy cuckolding play during sex, but I guess I took that as an indication she was warming up to the idea and then started pushing it a bit.

I brought it up a couple of times and after some chats we have come to the conclusion that it really is something she would never like to try, whatever the percieved benefits to her I had in my head, for her the negatives out weight them. She also has decided it's best we stop mentioning cuckolding play during sex and I have also agreed to stop reading any blogs and forums, which I have managed except for 1 relapse.

I don't really know how to deal with this though, I mean I love her dearly and don't want to lose her over a fetish but even after our chats I'm still obsessing and she can tell.

When we were speaking about it and she hinted about calling some guys she dated before getting with me, I have to admit it instantly got me hard.

After the first time we spoke, I would think she would change her mind in the future but I would try to convince myself that she won't because that's what she said...
Now after our final discussion I find myself knowing she never will, but for some reason my brain is trying to convince myself she might change her mind one day, but really I know she never will.
(don't know if you can make any sense out of that paragraph)
Why can't I get this out of my head?


I'm sorry if this sounds rediculous to all the guys out there who can't even get their partners into the whole chastity play, my heart really goes out to you guys.

[poor]

From what you've described it's not so much a case of kinks colliding as you've been successful in getting something that often plays a part in what you were after without getting what you truly wanted.

The simple question that only you can answer is can you stay in this relationship knowing that you probably will never satisfy that desire?

[TwistedMister]

"I brought it up a couple of times and after some chats we have come to the conclusion that it really is something she would never like to try, whatever the percieved benefits to her I had in my head, for her the negatives out weight them. She also has decided it's best we stop mentioning cuckolding play during sex and I have also agreed to stop reading any blogs and forums..."

Looks like you've got a bit of a problem. I don't know how your 'chats' progressed, but however it was, it appears as though she has taken a decidedly negative stance, she has retreated and entrenched herself in a defensive position. It seems to me that she may be afraid of something, it could be that she fears that you will think less of her if it were to happen, or she could fear that she might become emotionally involved with someone else and it would disrupt your relationship...or something along those lines, it's hard to say. Whatever the case may be, you will have to proceed very carefully because if you push the issue now, your relationship could get damaged.

I can sympathize, as my wife has, in the past, insisted that she would never screw someone else. It's not that we had ever really discussed the idea of cuckolding per se, but there were occasional jokes about her (non-existent) 'boyfriend', just as there were occasional jokes about my being technically a bigamist due to common-law marriage statutes in another state. The jokes were always 'playful', sometimes made by me, sometimes by her. She would reassure me that she would never 'cheat' on me...but as I discovered that my kinky streak ran deeper than I had first suspected I began to think that maybe it could be fun if she *were* to enjoy a bit of extracurricular activity, after reading some stories of chastity and cuckolding. During our last discussion of rules and limits (last year) we touched on 'sex with other people' and once again she assured me that she would never 'cheat' on me...which was not exactly what I wanted to hear. My response was that it "isn't 'cheating' if I know about it." This led to more discussion in which it became clear that her resistance was not so much due to her not wanting to screw other people, but more because she couldn't bear the thought of *me* screwing another woman and felt that if she were to have the freedom to do it while she was taking the dominant role, then *I* would have to likewise be accorded the same freedom if *I* were taking the dominant role (prior to now we have switched, initially she was almost always sub...but now it seems that she is enjoying having control and I am uncertain as to when, if ever, there will be a role reversal- the rules are structured in such a way that she can maintain her position almost indefinitely). Now it was my turn to reassure *her*- that my limits (or the lack of them) were my limits, and they did not have to be the same as *her* limits, that if I were taking the dominant role and if one of her limits was my not having sex with other women then I would respect that.

So, you're probably wondering what that means to you. It's a long-winded way of illustrating the need for clear communication to get to the root of objections. Unfortunately for you, from what you've described (and having little else to go on besides some understanding of psychology) I have the feeling that perhaps communication was not optimum and your GF has increased her resistance to the idea, to the point of wanting to shut down all thought of it.

I know what it feels like to not be able to get something [like this] out of your head and I hate to say it, but I think you're going to have to back off from this for a while. I don't know how long you two have been together but I am guessing that there are some insecurities at issue here. Cuckolding/swinging can be a recipe for disaster for people who are not totally secure in their relationship. You will have to decide if you want to stay with her more than you want to be dominated and cuckolded. If you want to stay with her, my advice would be to relegate this fantasy to fantasyland for now, she has thrown up a wall against this issue and if you try to breach it you will only do greater damage. With patience, in time she may come to change her mind (with gentle, subtle, and oblique nudges in the direction you want her thoughts to go) but this could take years to happen. (It has taken more than a decade for my wife to get to where she is now.) She must be coaxed out from behind her defensive wall, but it may be a long time before you can even *think* of starting to do this. I suspect that there may be other issues that you two will need to reconcile before you consider going down this road. You need to make *her* more important than your fantasy, and she must know it and feel it. Otherwise, you likely won't even have a chance of it playing out...at least, not the way you want it to...

[hot_toddy_dog]

This is really quite simple. Your amp is turned up to 11. Her comfortable listening level is about 7-8, and then she'll happily go to the concert even if she's not a big fan.

Personally I run away in horror from anything mentioning cuckolding. It's obviously disruptive to any relationship, and although I can sort of understand having a fantasy about it, the reality of it scares the bejeezus out of me. I know some people have done it and made it work, but to a very large majority of people, that kind of thing is a deathblow to any relationship. Maybe that very real concern has crept up in her mind.

Take that second paragraph as you will, I don't know what either of you are thinking or what feelings you have around that. All I know is you should turn your amp down from 11 before you blow a hole in the wall.