[Chosen_Jackal] Pinch me, is this really happening?

[Chosen_Jackal]

Okay we’re almost back in business.y foot’s still not a 100%, but it’s getting there. Slowly.

Red told me yesterday that it’s been a while since we’ve been intimate in any real way.
Well, last time was Monday and yesterday was Wednesday. I guess that counts as a long time for us these days, ha ha.

I went to bed a little earlier than her and was pretty excited to see if she’d meant anything with those words when she joined me.
She wore a loose top and a nice set of panties and she climbed on top of me and started initiating a kiss, and then she suddenly stopped. She told me she wanted me to kiss her. Yes mam!
But here’s the thing. Lately she’s been getting off on seeing me eager to kiss her and then she’s not reciprocating the kiss in any way. She subtly moves her lips out of the way so I end up like a pathetic puppy desperately wanting her attention and affection. It makes me feel both humiliated and aroused.
And then she leans in and kisses me back, and I swear the sensation is really intense and rewarding on a physical and emotional level.

She then told me that I’m getting lucky tonight.
My hopes are immediately up!
"You’ll get to see me pleasure myself with my vibrator!"
Hope immediately dashed. Cock straining hard against the metal cage.
I sheepishly ask if I can at least kiss and hold her while she gets herself off and I’m granted that honor.
She’s so sexy when she’s like that!

What follows is a difficult night. I’m so turned on that I wake up several times because my cock somehow believes it’s going to be able to achieve something. I’m so used to the cage that this almost never happens anymore, but when she gets me this worked up it’s hard to get a good nights sleep.
The closest I get to sex is being allowed to snuggle up to her and feel her perfect butt against the cage as I wrap her in my arms.

[Tongue+groove]

Wow, sounded like an awesome time. It’s an amazing thing to hold your woman as she orgasms. Mrs. G doesn’t like vibrators she only uses fingers and she will sometimes describe how she’s touching herself to me.

One of my favorites is when I have to sit in a chair across the room and just watch like a fly on the wall.

Makes for a rough night’s sleep.

The worst may have been the time she came to bed and said she wouldn’t be needing me because she took care of herself in the shower. I asked for a commentary but she said it would be too much for me. Talk about disappointment, all I could do is imagine.

These girls can be so creatively seductive.

[Chosen_Jackal]

Red did exactly that the day before yesterday

I said “I didn’t service you yesterday. Did you miss your sleeping pill?"
Red: "not at all. I took care of it myself."

I felt both turned on and excluded at the same time. I know she’s masturbating but not often, and certainly less frequently now than before since she uses me when she feels like it.
I do find it very a rousing just to think about her doing it.

[Tongue+groove]

. Red: "not at all. I took care of it myself."

Mrs. G has always been a bit shy and embarrassed to talk about her masturbation, until recently. She will admit she doesn’t do it very often but nowadays she quite frank about it when she does. It’s almost like she knows it’s a type of super power she has over me.

She can, I can’t, and hers frustrates me. It’s exhilarating.

[Chosen_Jackal]

Weird day today.
I woke up feeling a bit hollow in a sense. A feel of unease and if I’m being completely honest, a lack of self esteem.
It’s strange though because today is Friday which means yesterday was Thursday. I know you’re struggling to keep up at this point, but stay with me.
Red usually doesn’t want any play on Thursday nights. She showers before she gets to bed so she doesn’t have to do so next morning. Friday’s are the only days of the week where she works outside our home and she doesn’t like to show up to her second job feeling icky with last nights debauchery.

Last night I got to bed a bit before her and when she came to bed she was handsy immediately. She touched my cage and balls and I got excited. And then she immediately started talking about how I should go through my closet and go over what clothes I should keep or throw away. While fondling my balls.
It’s not easy to stay excited when you’re asked to think about your wardrobe.
I swear the woman has adhd. She denied it of course but I’ve lived with her for twenty years and I’ve seen what I’ve seen.

I mention to her that if we’re done playing I really need to get some sleep. It was already late at this point. She seems a bit insulted about my choice of words but gets back to focusing on me, and this time she obviously wants me to put some serious effort into her as well.
What follows is a really good session where she comes hard on the dildo. The big one. The 10 inch one.
She’s simply divine when she’s in these moments.

After we’re done she tells me she didn’t plan on doing anything, but she was so turned on by laying next to me, looking up at my broad chest and shoulders (her words) and smelling me.
I was the factor that turned her on and made her want to get hot and steamy despite it being a frickin Thursday night.
It’s the words I’ve always wanted to hear.

So why did I wake up with such negative energy today?
I’m going to say something that’s not sexy and that’s difficult to talk about.
I’m insecure about my penis. I’ve been told and read that there’s few things that women find less attractive than a man that’s in his own head about these things.
I’m not going to give you the exact measurements of my member (but trust me I’ve measured) and I’m well above the national average length and just above the average girth. I should have no reason to feel insecure right?
But I’ve never been able to make anyone make the sounds and movements that I can with the big dildo like I did last night.
It’s really stupid really to feel this way. Especially when Red had told me several times that she has no interest in the dildo in itself and that it’s only when she feels my body next hers, with me being the one that operates it that it feels this good for her.
I’m the factor that makes it work for her if I’m going to believe her.
I believe her.

And I doubt myself.
Luckily I don’t feel this way all the time. And I told Red this morning how I felt and I felt better after telling her. I’m learning to confide in her when I’m feeling down about something.
I also told her that joy I get from bringing her this kind of pleasure is much greater than the negativity I feel from comparing myself to a lifeless object.
I just need to admit that I feel this way sometimes. Put it out into the world so I can’t keep it bottled up inside and start working on it.

I’m the reason Red even wants to do these things with me.
And I need to believe her.

[Chosen_Jackal]

What a difference a day makes.

Started the day yesterday in a funky mood, but I’ve learned from past experiences and quickly talked to Red about it. Talking to the person you love and trust about your feelings is highly underrated and it’s amazing how much it helps just to get things off your chest.

I never remember what march 14 is until my feed on fetlife is filled with references to steaks and blow jobs, so I mentioned to Red that "it’s apparently the international steak and bj day today".
She got a wicked look in her eyes.
It immediately felt a little like topping from the bottom just mentioning it. When I’m the one in chastity and she’s in control of my orgasms it always carries a hint of manipulation in my opinion if I bring up something like that, but I also remembered that she’s under no obligation to do anything just because I bring something up.

I did buy steak after I drove her to work.
More topping from the bottom?

A5 wagyu.
Definitely topping from the bottom now.

Now it needs to be said that while I do consider myself a little bit of a snob when it comes to steak, wagyu isn’t what I usually prefer to buy.
After my gastric surgery I have to be careful with red meat since it’s very hard on my system, so I need it to be as tender as it can be. I also can’t eat large portions so it’s really not that extravagant to be fair.

Red was in a teasing mood when I picked her up from work. We spent several hours on the couch cuddling, kissing and just enjoying each other’s company. She told me all the things she wanted to do to me, and let me tell you, when you’ve been denied release for close to a month it’s hard to describe how turned on I got by hearing her talk dirty to me.

I’m not sure I necessarily buy into the concept of love languages, but if there’s something to them then quality time is definitely one that really speaks to Reds preferences.
We ate, cuddled, solved (didn’t finish) a puzzle while we listened to one of her favorite audiobooks. I even got to help her shave her legs and that was an intimate moment for me.

So when it finally became time to go to bed, it was late, and we were both really tired.
I thought to myself that I was okay with nothing happening since it had been such a great day with Red. And it’s not like it’s up to me any way.
Red wasn’t planning on sleep though.
She told me to put my vibrating butt plug in and follow instructions.
She told me she hadn’t decided if I was allowed to cum or not, and that the decision wouldn’t be made until after I’d made her cum anyway.
She enjoys tormenting me by making me wear a big penis sleeve that really fills her up. That way it’s me fucking her, but she gets to enjoy a lot ( A LOT) more than a natural penis can provide.
Under normal conditions there’s no way I could achieve an orgasm while wearing this sleeve, but when I’ve been teased this much and been denied for a month I found that I was getting close after a while.
She’s made me cum in the sleeve before and it’s such a humiliating and underwhelming way to cum so I begged her to please don’t make me do it again. I would do so if she insisted of course, but I really didn’t want to.
She kept me on the edge for a while and told me that I was allowed to pull out and that I was to eat her out until she came.

I want to go back to the butt plug for a while. I enjoy having my ass played with, but I’ve never felt this amazing overwhelming sensation from ass play before. It’s enjoyable as an extra. Last night was different.
Red knew exactly how dominant and in control she needed to be in order to keep me shaking with lust for her, and that made the vibrations send shivers of pleasure throughout my entire lower body.
I was almost relived when it ran out of battery because I wasn’t sure how much longer I’d been able to hold out.

After she came I wasn’t sure if we were done playing or not.
I was rock hard and had started leaking.
Red looked at me with hungry eyes and teased my cock with her tongue.
Slowly at first, and then more firmly she started sucking on my entire shaft and I felt the build up begin again.
She looked me directly in the eye and said.
"Come on, cum in my mouth!"
I came so hard that I almost blacked out.
It was one of those really rare orgasms that didn’t seem to stop. It kept on going and I actually felt myself getting emotional as it became almost too much to bear.
Red actually stopped and asked me if I was okay, afraid that she was hurting me in some way, but I told her it was just so many feelings and emotions at once, and that it was all from feeling really good!
It was one of the best moments I’ve ever shared with Red and the wait was really worth it!

We ended the night with one more orgasm for Red, me getting locked back up before we finally drifted to sleep.

[ARK]

My family only knows of one type of steak: filet mignon. If I am feeding the family and In-Laws, I go ahead and buy a tenderloin and cut it up into filets. Cheaper that way.

[Chosen_Jackal]

I keep waiting for the drop.
I’ve always felt a definite drop in my attention to Red, my desire for her, or simply being a little less interested in being a good partner after being allowed an orgasm.
It’s like being denied for an extended period of time increases my abilities to be better for Red in every way that counts.
It’s different this time though.

Red granted me one of the best orgasms of my life on Friday, just two days shy of a month from the last time I was allowed one.
Red is still the only person I think about.
I’m still as horny as ever.
There’s a noticeable drop of pressure in my balls, but not much because we played a bit last night and I started spontaneously oozing without having an orgasm.
I’ve noticed an increased amount of leaking since I was allowed to cum and that makes me think that the flood gates might have been opened?
Both Red and me enjoy the thought of me leaking from a minimal amount of stimulation, but the practical side effects are a bit concerning if true.

Red and I spent the entire day together yesterday. I’m so blessed that we’ve found this new spark after these many years together.
We’ve always loved each other dearly, but we haven’t always been the best boyfriend and girlfriend to each other. I feel we’ve evolved to the point where we truly are made for each other now and it proved that it’s worth working on your relationship.

I’m the sort of person that needs to talk through stuff. If I carry things in my head for too long they tend to consume me and present themselves as bigger issues than they really are.
I asked Red if she’s happy with how our relationship is evolving now. She’s said she’s very happy.
I mentioned that she was unsure if she wanted to take on the responsibilities of being my key holder and being the dominant one in our sexual relationship. I know she was a bit apprehensive of the commitment and responsibility that came with that.
When asked about that she told me that she don’t want to go back now. She doesn’t like to give up control and that she enjoys these aspects now.
I can see her becoming more and more confident every day, which in turn makes her more and more sexy in my eyes.

I’m a very lucky man.
I wonder when I’m allowed to cum again…

[Tongue+groove]

I’ve been out of loop for a few days, it appears you have been quite busy yourself. Congratulations!

Boyfriend/ girlfriend that’s awesome. I call mrs. G my girlfriend frequently. My grandkids always argue that she’s my wife not my girlfriend. Hopefully one day they will understand.

And eye contact, wow. Nothing sends me over the edge like eye contact. They truly are the window to the soul. And finally the never ending cum. For me this has happened but only if she is sucking it out faster that I can push, truly an indescribable feeling.

Savor it as it won’t happen again anytime soon. It seems that once they see how awesome it was for you they tend to try to make it better next time. Which usually means a longer stretch.

[Chosen_Jackal]

Yeah me and Red have been together twenty years this November and we are actually planning on getting married in October, but I think I’ll always see her as my girlfriend.
She’s my favorite person no matter what titles we put on each other.

I fear it’ll be a while until I get release next time. Red has mentioned that she wants there to be longer times between each release so to speak.