For him

[Kmss90]

Hi ,
I’m new here so please be gentle. My boyfriend very early On asked to use a cage and have me be key holder. I’ve never done anything like that but agreed and have been reading and reading and reading since then. But I can’t really seem to find what he likes. Can someone please point me to where the explanations are of what to do for a caged partner who cages for his own pleasure and not to deny himself so that I can be pleasured? It seems most of the partners I see here and other forums want to pleasure and please their partners and that’s why they want to be caged so they can be more attentive to their partners?? Am i just totally clueless?

My partner caged himself because “he likes it”.. I asked why like what does it do for him what’s his goals desires? But all he can say is he likes it.. but he doesn’t do it around me only when he’s alone . Doesn’t do it to dent himself because he always takes it off and cums? He doesn’t like to go down on me , which is okay… I like to receive as well as give but it’s not a deal breaker for me if he doesn’t want to give. It just seems so opposite of the point of chastity? I don’t know.,. Can someone please help me understand what he wants? He will tell me he’s locked but whenever I ask him to lock he refuses to do it for me??? I just don’t understand and I’ve been trying so hard to learn feeling pretty bad about it like
I’m failing or not good enough.

[slave d]

For a start he’s the one that’s not good enough and is failing in his support for you. i would simply leave him to his play with his chastity if he likes it so much and tell him that unless he includes you AND agrees to put you in charge of YOUR chastity device and YOUR cock and balls then you simply won’t play. Won’t go down on you !!! seriously ??? and presumably though expects you to go down on him ?? Time for some serious words and to teach him some lessons about what chastity is about, it’s not about him it should totally be about you !! i realise i’m at the extreme end of the line but i haven’t orgasmed in close to 4 years and haven’t had “sex” for even longer but MsM cums several times a week while i look after her and the household so She is free to pursue Her own desires. It’s time You had hubby read some of the femdom chastity sites that will tell him what’s what. Oh and maybe buy a cane ….. or better yet make him buy one for you. he is 100% the issue here !!

MsM’s ld

[Steve2059]

Your boyfriend seems to be selfish and a taker. Any friend, boy, girl or other, should be concerned if their partner is unfulfilled.

Sorry to ask, but are you sure he's worth it?

[cuyahoga]

I’m confused. You said he asked if he could wear the cage, and he asked you to be his keyholder. But he only wears it when he’s alone and not around you, and he always takes it off and cums.

When are you holding the key? Has he indicated that he wants you to decide when the cage comes off, and if so, have you considered saying ‘no’ when he wants the key back? Or has he told you to hold the key for him, but on and off are still his decision?

Not every person that’s into chastity will have the same desires. Even among the people of this forum, each of their experiences with chastity is very unique. From what you’ve told us, your boyfriend is an extreme edge case, and advising you on how to handle that is going to be difficult for us.

First and serious approach that I would recommend is sitting down, away from sex and the cage, and forcing a long talk about both of your desires and expectations regarding sex. Without that, no more sex, and if no more sex, then probably no more relationship. There’s no reason to be made to feel like you do.

Second and less serious approach, the next time he locks himself up and asks you to hold the key, take it, and when he asks for it back, respond “What are you going to do for me? Have you earned the key back?” Or a myriad of other ways to say ‘no, I’m not giving it back yet’. That could be what he’s looking for, you denying him. Consensual non-consent. Dangerous place to go without a conversation first.

[nosaint]

I’m confused. You said he asked if he could wear the cage, and he asked you to be his keyholder. But he only wears it when he’s alone and not around you, and he always takes it off and cums.

That was my first thought, you are not a keyholder if you're not holding the key and making the decisions on when to use it. This is not an insult to you, but you can't bear any responsibility unless you have matching authority. This is true in all walks of life, so there is nothing wrong with you.

It sounds like he doesn't really know what he wants, it's a hot fantasy that he can jerk to, but the reality is too scary for him, today. I'd guess he's trying to figure it out himself. You have to decide what you're willing to put up with. I waited to share my kinks until after I was married with two kids, the poor woman was trapped Seriously, if we weren't married, she never would have put up with our journey.

As for him not being able to explain why he likes it, well neither can I. Best I've got is it's a weird version of masochism, but that still doesn't answer the question of why I like it.

I think I'd advise you to drop the subject. If he wants you to be his keyholder, then he has to give you the key. Until then, shut up.

And in closing, I can't imagine any man in chastity not loving to give oral sex. I didn't say willing, I said loving it. I think the boy is a bit confused, and much more interested in his masturbation fodder than pleasing you.

[Kmss90]

For a start he’s the one that’s not good enough and is failing in his support for you. i would simply leave him to his play with his chastity if he likes it so much and tell him that unless he includes you AND agrees to put you in charge of YOUR chastity device and YOUR cock and balls then you simply won’t play. Won’t go down on you !!! seriously ??? and presumably though expects you to go down on him ?? Time for some serious words and to teach him some lessons about what chastity is about, it’s not about him it should totally be about you !! i realise i’m at the extreme end of the line but i haven’t orgasmed in close to 4 years and haven’t had “sex” for even longer but MsM cums several times a week while i look after her and the household so She is free to pursue Her own desires. It’s time You had hubby read some of the femdom chastity sites that will tell him what’s what. Oh and maybe buy a cane ….. or better yet make him buy one for you. he is 100% the issue here !!

MsM’s ld

I have two of the keys full time and he has a spare at his house. Sometimes he doesn’t even tell me he just locks and unlocks as he pleases. I know that he masturbated to porn every day and It all just makes me feel like I’m not enough for him. I’m thinking I’m just going to give them back to him and tell him that I do not want to be involved in this play..

[Kmss90]

Your boyfriend seems to be selfish and a taker. Any friend, boy, girl or other, should be concerned if their partner is unfulfilled.

Sorry to ask, but are you sure he's worth it?

The relationship is about 6 months old and while I really like him and enjoy spending time together .. I’m just not sure because of how terrible I feel about all the sex stuff. It weighs on my mind a lot and most of the time I feel like I’m not fulfilling his needs and not enough for him.

[Kmss90]

I’m confused. You said he asked if he could wear the cage, and he asked you to be his keyholder. But he only wears it when he’s alone and not around you, and he always takes it off and cums.

When are you holding the key? Has he indicated that he wants you to decide when the cage comes off, and if so, have you considered saying ‘no’ when he wants the key back? Or has he told you to hold the key for him, but on and off are still his decision?

Not every person that’s into chastity will have the same desires. Even among the people of this forum, each of their experiences with chastity is very unique. From what you’ve told us, your boyfriend is an extreme edge case, and advising you on how to handle that is going to be difficult for us.

First and serious approach that I would recommend is sitting down, away from sex and the cage, and forcing a long talk about both of your desires and expectations regarding sex. Without that, no more sex, and if no more sex, then probably no more relationship. There’s no reason to be made to feel like you do.

Second and less serious approach, the next time he locks himself up and asks you to hold the key, take it, and when he asks for it back, respond “What are you going to do for me? Have you earned the key back?” Or a myriad of other ways to say ‘no, I’m not giving it back yet’. That could be what he’s looking for, you denying him. Consensual non-consent. Dangerous place to go without a conversation first.

I have two of the keys full time and he has a spare. Sometimes he doesn’t even tell me when he locks/unlocks. He decides.. I’ve said no before and he took it off anyways and said he didn’t want to have it on that long so I said okay, very confused.

I agree we should sit down and talk about expectations but the last time I tried to ask what he wants from me with the locking and how he likes it he went off onto a tangent about how Im focusing on the psychology and he doesn’t have an answer for me and he’s already uncomfortable with it and why can’t i just enjoy the fun.. I said well it’s not fun for me when I don’t know what’s going on. Im considering just giving him the keys back for now and saying I don’t want to be involved until he can tell me how he wants the dynamic to work.

[Kmss90]

I’m confused. You said he asked if he could wear the cage, and he asked you to be his keyholder. But he only wears it when he’s alone and not around you, and he always takes it off and cums.

That was my first thought, you are not a keyholder if you're not holding the key and making the decisions on when to use it. This is not an insult to you, but you can't bear any responsibility unless you have matching authority. This is true in all walks of life, so there is nothing wrong with you.

It sounds like he doesn't really know what he wants, it's a hot fantasy that he can jerk to, but the reality is too scary for him, today. I'd guess he's trying to figure it out himself. You have to decide what you're willing to put up with. I waited to share my kinks until after I was married with two kids, the poor woman was trapped Seriously, if we weren't married, she never would have put up with our journey.

As for him not being able to explain why he likes it, well neither can I. Best I've got is it's a weird version of masochism, but that still doesn't answer the question of why I like it.

I think I'd advise you to drop the subject. If he wants you to be his keyholder, then he has to give you the key. Until then, shut up.

And in closing, I can't imagine any man in chastity not loving to give oral sex. I didn't say willing, I said loving it. I think the boy is a bit confused, and much more interested in his masturbation fodder than pleasing you.

I also think he’s still trying to figure it all out and it seems the general consensus is I should tell him to play alone until he knows how he would like the dynamic to work.

Thanks for all your responses everyone!

[slave d]

i think your conclusion is correct. In fact frankly i feel that somebody who is as self-centred as he is should be left to himself full stop. You’re obviously a caring person who is even willing to try things out of their comfort zone after just a few months, he on the other hand is a self centred fool who is only interested in his own pleasure. Perhaps as a last try you could suggest to him that he goes to a Dominatrix and ask them to be his paid keyholder. They’d sort him out big time …. but he might not sit down or play with his junk for a week lol !! He’s a fool, dump him ! i’ve been married 48 years this year and i wouldn’t have got to day two with his attitude !

Good luck

MsM’s ld