Extended denial - how to convince partner?

[Outed_sub]

We are trying chastity. I get very horny and lock myself up. Whenever I cum then I can't be bothered with the discomfort.
But it's a really hot fantasy for me and I can't let go.
My partner doesn't want to keep me denied for a long time and she feels she'd miss my penis, worried that after denial I'll cum to quickly and worried I'll be too horny to concentrate at work.
We talked about getting a piercing to make it impossible for me to pull out. I think she is ok with me getting that. What i've read is that you should abstain from sex for 4-6 weeks after getting the piercing. I'm thinking this would be a good initial denial period. In theory the proper denial should start immediately after the 6 weeks since sex would not be an option anyway while healing.

[Michele]

You could send her my way, having you locked and denied, by no means means she needs to be denied of anything, even your penis. I'm happy to chat with her she (you) can email me through our blog.

[Aarkey]

We are trying chastity. I get very horny and lock myself up. Whenever I cum then I can't be bothered with the discomfort. But it's a really hot fantasy for me and I can't let go.

I hope your partner takes Lady M up on her offer. Having a supportive an experienced person (or community of persons) there to guide and encourage can be an enormous difference of approach to it. And I wish more keyholders were able and willing to find that guidance. There are also face to face groups in most cities in the US where kinky folks get together (called munches) - just google your town with the word "munch" (or the biggest nearby town) and chance are you'll find something.

And if you're lucky or in a major city area, there are often FemDom specific groups (like ClubFEM) where you can usually find a lot of support.

What works for one couple's dynamic and lifestyle doesn't always work for everyone, but there's a LOT of support in the community out there and here, in cyberspace too!

As to you... I implore you to be patient as much as you can with her acceptance of it. You've probably had fantasies growing in your head for years and I have seen countless men scare and overwhelm their loving partners by pressuring for them to become the fantasy keyholder they've longed for... far too quickly.

Good luck!

[Outed_sub]

I think she is gong to keep me denied for a couple of weeks. I think she enjoys me being horny, for one she finds it amusing. She also enjoys oral sex.
This might not be the right forum but I suppose my ideal fantasy would involve some 'forced' cross dressing.
I was going to buy a house keeping uniform and send her a pic of me wearing it. Tell her if she wants a male maid to do all the ironing I'm available. She does the ironing presently but I was going to sell it to her as 2hrs of foreplay for me.

[Michele]

Be careful you don't start "topping from the bottom"
Some of these things might be your fantasies but they may not be hers - you really need to communicate first, share fantasies with each other, talk about interests and what you think some things may make you feel.

Talking first might be more beneficial than actions first... Just sayin' obviously you know her better than I do but this is just my experience and what has worked when i mentor.

Good luck!

[Outed_sub]

Yes it is my fantasy. As was chastity and orgasm denial. I think she sees the benefits of these for her. She hasn't allowed me any pleasure the past week and has realised after I came I kind of lost interest in pleasing her for about 3 days. I think I saw something on your blog involving bondage and spanking which she'd like. So I'll be making a leg spreader to which I can attach my hands and ankles.
I will tell her how horny the dressing up would make me feel and she can decide if it's for her or not. I know she'd like me ironing naked, she'd definitely appreciate me ironing. I hope she might indulge my kink for me. In my head if she wanted maid service she'll leave out appropriate underwear.

[Michele]

Talking it out is your best bet I do wish you luck in her fulfilling some of your fantasies. We have an understanding with fantasies... We are allowed & supposed to share any fantasies we have and the other will listen with no judgment because there is no need to fulfill any fantasy unless we want to. We have no expectation of them being fulfilled and in some ways just talking them out with each other is something fantastic on its own.

Yes we do have fun with bondage and spanking oh and I'm always willing to talk to other wives and keyholders to share ideas our just chit chat!

Anyway, I hope talking to her goes really well!

[Outed_sub]

I did share my fantasy. She doesn't think i'd look good in a french maid uniform. Neither do i which i suppose is the point ie it would be humiliating. Don't know how this will work out but perhaps seeing me incredibly horny and getting a huge kick out of doing ironing while she chills will convince her.
I think i'm more willing to share my fantasies when i'm so very horny.

[Michele]

I find that my hubby is more willing to share his fantasies and deepest darkest thoughts when he's incredibly horny too