An Impasse

[Keystone83]

Last night I got up the courage to bring up my desire to be locked with my boy friend. It didn’t go well. He reacted horribly, made fun of me, and told me to throw away any “toys” that I had and to not bring it up again.
It’s especially unfortunate because we just recently made the decision to move in together and now, after being made fun of for sharing a part of myself, I’m not sure I want to be with him anymore. He made me feel like I can’t share and be honest with him.

[slave d]

i'm afraid you've leapt in boots and now you're suffering the consequences, it's too late now but a lot more thought should have gone in before raising this with your boyfriend, particularly in the way you did. Frankly in my view this could be a deal breaker between you, but in the end that's up to you. Good luck.

d

[Aarkey]

It’s especially unfortunate because we just recently made the decision to move in together...

I'll be blunt, if I felt that rejected and judged I would consider it a very fortunate moment, and immediately re-evaluate if that's the kind of person I want to be in a relationship with.

[CagedQKA]

I would have to agree with the others who have said that this should be a time where you sit down and seriously re-evaluate your relationship.

It must have been a fairly serious relationship if you have moved in together, but what is the point of dating if that person cannot fully accept who you are, which is very hypocritical of me to say, but it is the truth.

Only you can make the choice, but you should probably consider the idea that things are not meant to be between the two of you.

[knighterrant]

He reacted horribly, made fun of me, and told me to throw away any “toys” that I had and to not bring it up again.

Not much information about your relationship, at least not in this post. Is this your start? Is he taking the dominant role you seek, or is that established. His reaction is pretty dominant, that could be a good thing. If he really meant don't bring it up again, then that is one thing, but if he is reasonable and you can talk about it maybe it is just a rocky start to a good thing.

Devil's advocate perhaps. Good luck.

[Keystone83]

We've been together for a year and decided to move in a month ago. He is not a dominate person, and not taking a Dom role. He's more of the bottom in out relationship.

The thing that really hit me was the "throw it away, I don't want to talk about it again" statement. After I said I wasn't throwing anything away he said "why, are you going to visit it on the weekend, or play this game with someone else?"

We haven't talked to much after the talk / fight about it. His reaction definitely changed the dynamic of our relationship. The trust is kinda gone.

[Tom Allen]

Years ago I read a post by some guy who said that he brings up the fact that he's kinky on the third or fourth date. That way you haven't blown a lot of time on each other, and you can part on amicable terms.

It's really difficult when your partner not only isn't into it, but openly mocks or belittles you for it. It's possible that he's having a hugely negative reaction simply because you freaked him out a bit. But if he just doesn't understand, you might ask him to read "When someone you love is kinky." It's a good book that explains in basic terms what kinky people get out of being, well, kinky.

If he won't cooperate, well, you'll have to decide on if you want to live that way, or just cut things loose before it goes any further. Good luck to you.