Introducing Chasity to vanilla wife

[Tom Allen]

After 10 or 15 years of various people around the Internet writing "take it slow, don't make the same mistakes that I made," you still get people who think it will work for them.

Any fool can make mistakes.
A smart man learns from his mistakes.
A *wise* man learns from the mistakes of others.

[TwistedMister]

Ooh, Chef, isn't that just a little bit harsh?

...On the other hand, he might think that's an easy out if he *does* go ahead with his original 'plan'.

Any fool can make mistakes.
A smart man learns from his mistakes.
A *wise* man learns from the mistakes of others.

Sage advice.

[poptart1200]

This guy has no idea how women think. I'm definitely no expert either, but after 42 years on this earth and plenty of mistakes, I have learned a little bit. He has a 100% failure rate if he drops this on her out of blue and refers to it as his "fantasy." Most vanilla women think guy's fantasies are weird, I learned that lesson the hard way. With all the stuff going on in their lives right now, it's probably not the right time to bring this up. She may even kick him out or she could leave with the baby.

It took me 8 months of dropping hints and planting seeds before I finally had the nerve to ask my g/f to be my KH and even then she couldn't understand, "why I wanted her to lock a plastic tube on my dick." Had I just dropped the chastity discussion on her out of nowhere without a proper set up and made it all about me and my alleged "fantasy", then she would have probably thrown me out of the house on my head and I couldn't blame her.

[TwistedMister]

Yeah, we had already dabbled in a little B&D and 'Tie&Tease' before we started with the 'Gates of Hell' as a short-term bit of fun. Even then, it took *years* before we got to the point of getting a CB3k and anything more than a couple of hours of play. After the first 30-day lock-up, it got put away and it was more years before it came out again.

After over a decade of playing with it, we have moved onward to lock-up periods lasting more than a year.

And it's only been two or three years since the 'cuckold' fantasy/role-playing began, and is only now beginning to come up more often...though, if last night was anything to go by, it may become *much* more frequent...and *possibly* evolve to be more than fantasy.

But we've been involved for more than 30 years, we have a great deal of history, experience and growth in our lives and sexuality. I don't think that this kid realizes just how much of a shock his revelation would be, especially to a young, new mother who is stressed out with a baby AND a job. All he can see is that he has this kinky fantasy, and he wants to try it out with little or no consideration for how his wife is going to react to it, and he wants it NOW.

Patience, Grasshopper...and be prepared to wait until the kids are grown and gone...and maybe not even then, unless he goes very, very slowly...and, maybe, not even then...

[CagedWestley]

I already commented, but realized I have another perspective to share. My first introduction to chastity was from a female friend nearly 20 years ago. I was very inexperienced, and we were driving in Chicago, and she said, "oh, we are near a BDSM club I wanted to take you to." I was overwhelmed with all of the rooms, and all of the different events going out on. And, it was really crowded, with lots of partially dressed, and leather clad people. Anyway...She had a slave locked up in chastity...a spiked cage, which seemed absolutely crazy to me at the time. Her slave had another girlfriend, and my friend was trying to "date" me...looking back it sounds like fun, but I was new to it all, and it freaked me out. I was not ready to have that kind of relationship, and it was all she desired. I think it directly contributed to us shortly after stopping hanging out, and we ultimately went our separate ways. I know if she had introduced it to me slowly, I would have been much more open and accepting of it all. I have kept all of that in mind while introducing my wife to things. 6 months ago, she was completely against the idea of rougher play or punishment, but today I have a very sore pair that says otherwise. Take it slow and enjoy the ride.

[Bandorven]

I'm pretty certain that the best sex games, fantasies and endeavors are those done together... most us us mess up by running headlong down the maze path and lose our spouses well behind us in the process...

[TwistedMister]

I'm pretty certain that the best sex games, fantasies and endeavors are those done together... most us us mess up by running headlong down the maze path and lose our spouses well behind us in the process...

You've got the right of it there.

If one partner spends a period of time (months, years) with a fantasy growing and evolving inside the head, he tends to forget how long it took to build. The other partner, especially if not generally prone to kink, is going to need a similar or longer period to acclimate to it after a gentle introduction. The first one has had this thing growing, building pressure, and wants to erupt and spew it out like a volcano but that's usually the wrong move, and can have disastrous results.

[katieandchaste]

Problem is that My wife is super vanilla.

Wow, you can learn something new everyday. Your wife is super vanilla? I didn't know wives came in flavors. My husband tells me he loves chocolate and he loves eating me. Does that mean I am chocolate or does it mean he is lying to me? I want to be butter pecan, or cherry.

[Tom Allen]

If one partner spends a period of time (months, years) with a fantasy growing and evolving inside the head, he tends to forget how long it took to build. The other partner, especially if not generally prone to kink, is going to need a similar or longer period to acclimate to it after a gentle introduction. The first one has had this thing growing, building pressure, and wants to erupt and spew it out like a volcano but that's usually the wrong move, and can have disastrous results.

I wrote a little about this, and for a change, it's a recent post and not something I dusted off from 5 years ago:

https://vanillaedge.wordpress.com/2015/ ... rritory-2/

Not specifically chastity, but it applies.

[nebman]

If the OP was legitimate about his post rather than just trying to stir a pot here, he might just be an extra clueless 20 something - based on his handle.

Like another poster here, I was lucky in more ways than one that someone (my wife) has proposed a few kinks over time. You'd think it would have been easy for me, right? I mean, I've had some kink fantasies and was doing some CBT things to myself when I hit puberty - 20 years before I heard the term CBT.

These were not exactly high end kinks she did or proposed. We were in our later 20s and either dating or just married at the time.

Things that happened and my reaction:

She attended a sex toy party and brought home a ribbed condom, a rubber cock ring with a supposed clit stimulator, and some desensitizer for me (I wonder why? ) We used all of this party favor grade stuff and it was pretty bad or useless. I was a bit mixed on the party itself as we were both trying to establish our careers in conservative industries.

A friend of hers proposed a panty exchange club. Again, I just didn't know about sharing our sex lives in anyway.

We took a sex toy catalog on our honeymoon, and looked through it together. She was willing to say she'd like a dildo sometime. We waited so long (years to act) that she wasn't that terribly interested. But, we have had a few for several years, and she does sometimes enjoy the quality one that is very real human sized when I use it on her. She won't get them out on her own. I lived to regret not striking while the iron was hotter.

An older coworker gave my wife some Velcro based bondage tie downs at the time we married. My wife was perfectly willing to keep them and bring them to my attention, but didn't propose anything. They sat around for a few years, and I finally had the courage to ask to be tied spread eagle. That first time was pretty amazing, and about 20 years later she was game to allow me to upgrade the tie downs with some buckle and lock designs.

My point being, think of your own reaction if your wife or whomever brought some kinks to you. I think I'm open to kink, and yet I've moved very slowly over time.

To the OP, yes, you risk breaking up your new family proposing cuckolding - not remotely worth it. As far as chastity, I introduced it as a sex toy I was interested in, not FLR or a lifestyle or anything like that. This was about 1997 when I ran across the CB series on the internet. I didn't buy a device until 2014 when we were past the raising small kids phase of our lives. A $150 dollar plastic sex toy that looked a bit doubtful didn't make sense for us when there were diapers and shoes to buy.