Topping from the bottom

[WET_MANGOS]

So me and my wife are new to chastity, we tried once but it failed very quickly because the device was way to small and did not fit. We ordered a new device with a custom fit and it should be arriving in a couple of weeks, I am very excited and nervous. When I told my wife all about chastity she had little interest in it and didn't want to try it out. I explained somethings to her and later to my suprise she wanted to give it a try. when she told me this i told her i wanted her to dominate me. My wife really had no idea or desire to do this so there was alot of questions that I answered but left some things out as to increase my fantasy (thinking that she would start to like the things I want without me telling her I like them) how would she be able to know right. (My mistake) the domination began and I was really happy because she was doing so well it was scary, then something went a little wrong one night she was doing her stuff and was not doing a good job of it at all. Don't misunderstand me tho as this is what I asked of her I did not complain or even say anything to discourage getting dominated because after all she is doing this for me, but she could tell I was not that into it and got upset because I wasn't having much fun and if we aren't having fun what's the point right. She told me that she dosent know what I want her to do and said I need to start telling her. So for me this is a problem because then I feel I'm topping from the bottom and that is something I don't want, but the thing is she wants it. I told her this is all about her and taking control in a direction she wants to go, but my wife dose not want to go anywhere with It. she likes the idea of a chastity cage so I can't orgasm without her permission but I don't think she wants to dominate tease or deny me. I think that's why she wants me to tell her what to do. I'm scared now that when the cage shows up it will be put on and forgot but I don't know we have been working really hard on communication as to get this to work and when it comes down to it I think it's also something she wants. So what should I do start topping for the botton and hope she will take the control at some point in time. I'm definitely going to just tell her all of the things I like and let her decide if she wants to do them. I just want us both to be happy and don't know the best way to get there. I would love to hear people's opinions on the matter as to getting some advice or ideas. I hope we can come up with something because I am having alot of fun and would love for her to be with. Two more weeks and I'll find out, can't wait!

[LockedVTX]

So many places to take this conversation, so I guess I'll just offer my side of it. (I'm new here, too, but I've been around long enough to know that you're about to get bombarded with several different opinions).

For ME, D/s isn't just something we start doing, and it's not just about bondage, whips, and locks. It's a power exchange for both people, and my Mistress and I (try) to live it as a lifestyle. Of course, life is life, and sometimes life gets "in the way", but we always try to reel it back in.

Chastity, especially if you aren't just doing it for play, is a 24/7 commitment on YOUR part, right? In my opinion, and remember, mine is just one of many you're about to hear, you shouldn't commit to that level if your significant other isn't willing to commit to it, too. Now, if you're one of those that enjoys being in chastity, even the most vanilla of women can get used to the idea of locking her man's penis up and taking that control over you.

Without getting boring on you, here, I simply suggest that you and your significant other sit down and have a heartfelt discussion about which way you both want to take this, with the understanding that that direction can change at any given moment as you get deeper into the lifestyle.

Buy her some books on the D/s relationship, if she needs help. Let her take that journey for herself to see how far SHE wants to take it. Try not to make it about you and your needs, but she does need to know that. Remember, this is a power EXCHANGE.

[fortunatehusbandp4]

A good place to start is the questionnaire in the book "How to setup a FLR"' by Georgia Ivey Green, filling in the answers and comparing to your partner gives a really good starting point for where you are and expectations etc. I have years of Bdsm experience going back 20 years and have been married for 9 years with little or no such power exchange play until the last 1.5 months with chastity, that book and others like it provide opportunity to discuss what you may want in more detail.