Rambling From A New Member

[Ruhtinatar]

Hi, everyone!

I am very excited to be a new member of this forum. Whenever I have had any questions, Google has led me here, so though I have not been an active member, I feel like I have been here for a while. Let me first say that I think this forum is fantastic! I read the rules on what to post and not, and the level of seriousness and openness and welcoming spirit is amazing.

I registered mainly because I have some (or maybe a lot) of questions for you. Very specific questions I will leave for other posts, but I want to ask you all some questions here as well. Since the first posts are moderated, I will leave it to the moderators to decide if this should be a new post or is ok in the "Hello world" thread. I ended up posting it as a single post because I have some questions, and because, well, in the end it ended up being huge (sorry about that!).

I am a man near 30 years old, and I have had a long interest in chastity and female-led relationships. I have been in my first real relationship for about two years now. It is a long-long-long distance relationship. I see my girlfriend about four times in a year, usually a month at a time. Our long-term plan is that I move to her country in some years. So I guess this naturally brings me to my first question. I have always experienced a lot of personal shame for my desires, and I am still struggling a lot with this. Today I am somewhat embracing it, tomorrow I might feel very shameful about it. Can I be so blunt as to ask if anyone here has had the same problem, and how you dealt with it? I really want to feel ok with this, I know I will not change, and the mere idea of chastity brings me endless amounts of excitement into my life.

I have not told my girlfriend about this, and to be frank, I do not know if I will ever have the courage. She is my true love and I am afraid of scaring her. She lives in a country that is still very much male chauvinistic and somewhat conservative. Men are expected to lead (I know that I am being prejudicial here, but I need to be honest with you about my views). She is also somewhat unsure of herself, something I am working hard to "kill". She is amazing in every single way. Since we met, I have tried to pamper her and make her feel like a princess, but the closest thing we come to FLR is when I am rubbing her feet and doing most of the domestic chores. She is very intelligent, so she might suspect that I am somewhat submissive, but she might also think that I am just a nice guy (which I hopefully am). So, I guess my second question is this: if I want to slowly, slowly introduce her to the concept of FLR (introducing her to chastity first would scare her, I think), what would be the best way? So far, my best idea is to give her a book, like "The Hesitant Mistress" as a gift, and tell her that I do that so that she will understand me a little better. I would really appreciate some female input here too. My girlfriend is definitely very sexual, and she likes to tease me a little bit (which makes me crazy with desire), but I am not sure how far I can push it before she views me as "abnormal" (a word that I consider very neutral, by the way)...Part of me wants desperately to believe that she would enjoy the power she would have over me when I am locked in chastity, the other part is afraid of scaring her.

Since the forum is mainly about chastity, I should mention that the only device I have had so far is a chrome CB6000s, but that I am now going to buy a new device (and I will write another post with questions concerning that).

So, I guess this is it for now. Thanks to all of you who read my post!

[Michele]

Welcome, what a wonderful introductory post. If you would please take a moment to go say a quick hello in the Hello World thread, that would be great! Then wee can leave this one right here where it is.

[Ruhtinatar]

I will certainly do that! Thank you for the quick reply, Lady M!

[Michele]

You're welcome... and I did want to respond to one thing you asked... You mentioned the shame you have regarding your desires, this is something my hubby struggled with for a very long time and holding it in and not telling me about it almost destroyed our marriage. It might be good for you to message him and chat with him about it a little.

I'm not saying telling a wife or gf is the answer for everyone... You need to know your partner, I suppose.

[Ruhtinatar]

Thank you so much, Lady M, I will do that. I feel like holding it in, if not detrimental, will at least create a distance between us, and that is not good in any relationship. I am sorry to hear about his struggle, but at the same time I have to say that I am relieved that other struggle with the same thoughts and I am very happy to hear that you two solved it.

[MarcusXIII]

If she enjoys teasing you....it might make sense to introduce chastity as a sexy game. Keep it light and fun. You can see if she enjoys it and build on that if it works for you as a couple.

[Ruhtinatar]

Thank you for your answer, MarcusXIII. You are talking about chastity without a device (to begin with)? In that case, that is a very good idea. I think I have the courage to tell her that I like that she teases me. I have told her before, I have just not specified that she can tease me without following up, and that I would like that. I am actually travelling to her in some days now, so my heart is pumping like crazy every day. She is in a very stressfull period of her life right now, so I defenitely will not be "pushing" anything on her this time around, but maybe when I see her again the next time. Your idea, however, is something that I think I can talk to her about.

[locked4her55]

Ruhtinatar, Welcome and what a great introduction!

I also believe that approaching this as an "evening of fun game" vs "hey will you lock me up in this until the next time we see each other" is the way to go.

This is obviously something that you have spent time thinking about. It might just take the wind out of her the first time you mention it. You know her better than we do so watch and listen to her reaction when you bring it up. If you see signs that she is interested then plunge ahead. If she looks scared then it might be time to back off and proceed using baby steps.

I know I pretty much botched it up when I approached my wife with this. Lucky for me she was open to give it a try. That was five years ago next week (I sprung this on her on April Fool's Day ) and I can honestly say it has gotten better and better for both of us.

I wish you success in what you hope to achieve.

[Ruhtinatar]

Thank you very much for your answer, locked4her55. I will definitely try to not overwhelm her in any way. I did like the idea of doing a game out of it, and then if she seems to like it, take it one small step further. I am very happy to hear about you and your wife! I think there is a small part of me that is a little jealous of the success stories here too, but that is just me to blame.

[Lucard]

An other idea to introduce some more sexual control on her part would be to ask her to let you come when you are having sex. For me I often think that I would like to have sex for a long ting and really give her everything she wants. But when I get close it's more difficult to hold on to that decision. And when I'm done it's all over. But if she let's me know when it's ok to come it makes it much easier to focus on her.

From there it's not far to play more with orgasm control.

From my experience some women find this very strange at first but others love it from the very beginning.