Questions from/for Keyholders

[Tom Allen]

Actually, the first person I heard say that was Tom on an ancient Kink On Tap podcast. If you can find it, that episode and the one just before it (also about chastity and denial) are terrific resources.

You ever notice that you never see Tom and Sarah in the same room at the same time?

[Atone]

You ever notice that you never see Tom and Sarah in the same room at the same time?

Is this Tom asking thumper, or Sarah asking Dev?

-A

[Dev]

Sarah J. says chastity is a gateway kink...

Actually, the first person I heard say that was Tom on an ancient Kink On Tap podcast. If you can find it, that episode and the one just before it (also about chastity and denial) are terrific resources.

Well thank you for this! The first place I read it was Sarah's book, but being the researcher I am, I always appreciate primary source documents. Merci beaucoup!

Any beginning hints to find the podcast?

D

[mykey]

lots of "FLR" and "femdom" blogs and discussions. For those folks, chastity seems to be just one part of a much larger experience that has to do with humiliation, punishment, degradation, and abuse.

D

Ooh careful with those associations. Most flr blogs i see are about flr. Degredation and abuse are strong words and unhelpfully apply here as they associate with a negative mental model. There is a large component of many forums that tends that way, i agree, but I would not make the association of abuse or similar unpleasantness with flr or even femdom which is usually a very positive step for those relationships that actually live it. I would not want to see users on this forum scare new people away from that any more than any other way of life. Especially as some of the new couples may well naturally tend that way in the future.

/rant

Mykey

[thumper]

Any beginning hints to find the podcast?

I just happen to have blogged about them!

http://denyingthumper.com/2009/02/24/kink-on-tap/

[keyhldr]

If you're not sure about how long to keep him locked up and don't like the pressure of making the decision, start out with dice games or other games of chance. That takes the pressure of you to decide if he should get unlocked. One of the best is probably the bead game. Put 10 blue beads and one green one in a jar. Each night, he gets to draw one bead - if it's green he gets to cum, if it's blue he doesn't. He can earn extra green beads for good behavior and lose them for bad behavior.

I REALLY like this idea - sounds like a fun game!

[WendyWicke]

I do think I will need to use games of chance or other random ways to decide how long to make him go, I am not comfortable dictating that yet.

Belle, by all means do it. Pick a game, or let you husband pick one. Just be clear what the rules are and stick to them! Don't bend the rules to be easy on him or because you're worried you're being too mean. He'll probably beg and plead - especially if you're doing it right! Don't worry, just let the game dictate how long he's locked up. While he's locked up you just focus on as many sensual activities as you can think of while his penis is confined to its cage. You'll be amazed at how many ways you can drive him wild without touching his penis. But remember that just because his member is confined he probably can still have an orgasm if you give him enough stimulation, so make sure you back off when you need to.

Stick to the rules and you will become more comfortable dictating how long.

The bead game can be a nice way to work up to making the decisions yourself. Since you can reward him for good behavior with an extra lucky bead, you can reward him without actually making the decision about unlocking him. You're just giving him a little extra chance. And punishing him by taking away a bead is the same. You're not actually making him wait longer, just reducing his chances.

Here are the suggested rules:

buy a cloth or leather bag (if you drink Crown Royal use one of the bags it comes in), one you can't see through. Put one green and 10 blue marbles or beads in it. Each night he gets to draw one bead. But before he draws a bead, he has to perform any services you desire. You could have him give you oral sex, or a back rub, or maybe just make the bed for you. It doesn't have to be physical, just something romantic. When he's finished he draws his bead. If it's blue, you kiss him and tell him better luck tomorrow. The blue bead goes back in the bad. If it's green, he gets unlocked for the night and the game starts over tomorrow.

If he does something really nice for you (maybe cooks a special dinner, or details your car, or gives you a handmade love note...) you can add an extra green bead. If he does something really bad (forgets to pick you up at the airport, leaves the toliet seat up) you can take a green bead away.

Play that for three months and then sit down and talk about how it's going.

[Dev]

Any beginning hints to find the podcast?

I just happen to have blogged about them!

http://denyingthumper.com/2009/02/24/kink-on-tap/

Thanks, Thumper!

D

[Tom Allen]

I just happen to have blogged about them!

http://denyingthumper.com/2009/02/24/kink-on-tap/

OMG, I forgot that was still around.

An aside, I had lunch with Maymay a couple of years ago, just before he moved out to San Fransisco. He was traveling around New England for some stuff before he left. Very intense, but nicely so. He's revived the Kink on Tap podcasts, but except for the first few from last year, I haven't been on any, nor have I had a chance to hear them. But now that I've got my new phone, i should be able to d/load them and listen on my way home from work (I was one of the few people on the East Coast without an iPod).

You can find the new stuff at:
http://kinkontap.com/

[likes2blocked]

He'll probably beg and plead - especially if you're doing it right!

You're evil! Just like keyhldr...

Put one green and 10 blue marbles or beads in it.
[snip]
If he does something really bad (forgets to pick you up at the airport, leaves the toliet seat up) you can take a green bead away.

Um, there's _one_ green bead. If you take it away, his chances are now _zero_. Not sure if that's your diabolical master plan, but....