Chastity for a long time, how ???

[Bert]

Hello here is Bert again with his Lancelot. I have been wearing the lancelot device for different periods of one, two and three weeks with some pauses between each period. Without notice of my wife. I would try to wear the device for a long period. Is there any one out there who has experience with wearing a cb device for a long period like a few months/half year/year maybe ? What are the topics I have to take care of ? First for hiding it, second for my body and my little friend inside the cb (what kind of "food" he needs) ? Is it dangerous ? How do I have to shave my hair down there, what do I use for the care of the skin etc..... ???
What are your experiences ?? I want to know. Thank you al ready. Greetings from Bert from the netherlands. So many questions.

[Atone]

I'm confused, are you hiding it from your wife?

If so I don't think there are many here that have done that, most of us involve our wives, that is a big part of the benefit.

It sounds like you already have the physical part of long term chastity figured out. If you can go three weeks then it is likely that you could much longer. The psychological aspects are a different story. I don't think I would want to do that without the involvement of my wife but that goes for everything that I do.

-A

[Bert]

Yes its true she doesn't knows it and she is not interested in those kind of things. We are not often intimate with each other and certainly nothing more than wife below man on top, no "games or fantasies". She tells me that she is at a age (50, early transition ?) that it is not important anymore for her. For me it is but I don't want to cheat on her, so I try to lower my desire with a voluntary chastity or maybe a kind of celibacy. But to reach this goal I want to know how I have to take care of my bodyparts that are involved. To hide is difficult, always wearing underwear in the bathroom, showering with my back to the visible side of the shower (the door is always open and we have two kids at home 12 en 14 year) and in bed just wrapping my arm around her. And If she wants something more I refuse kindly, but that is just 3 or 4 times a year. So if anyone has a hint or clue or advise it is always welcome.
Greeting from Bert from the netherlands.

[thumper]

Chastity will NOT lower your desires. I apologize for my bluntness, but dude, you're doing it wrong.

[Bert]

OK, is there a better way ????

[wishful4]

Bert,

I usually don't like to muddle in the relationships of others on this forum, but just this time. Please excuse for minding your business, but I recommend giving your spouse a chance. MC is a journey so much better taken as a couple. Instead of hiding from her, put all your "cards" on the table and ask her to do a little reading and research about the subject. It certainly has the potiential to spice up your sex life. Even if she rejects it outright and refuses to participate, she now knows what your feelings are and why you want to give MC a try. Secondly, now you no longer have to hide your activities, which, in light of your current situation, seems a plus to me. It has been said many times that if a relationship is not solid to begin with, MC will not fix it and could make it worse. Good luck on yours.

[kpb57]

Get counseling, and quickly, before your marriage goes down the drain. You owe it to yourselves, and to the children.
AFAIK, there is NO physiological reason for a woman's desire to vanish when she goes past the age of fertility.
Ask dev.

Chastity, as practized by most of the people here, actually means a more intimate life. With both partners involved heavily.

K

[thumper]

OK, is there a better way ????

You asked.

Yes, tell your wife that while sex might not be important to her, it's still important to you. Not just important, but a necessary and healthy part of your life. You love her, obviously, and want to stay with her, but you deserve better. If it were me, I'd tell her I needed to seek sex outside the relationship. Screw all this chastity stuff. You cannot use any device to lock away your desires and needs. The way you seem to want to play this game sounds like a prison sentence. You deserve better. Do a google search on open relationships and go from there.

Of course, you're free to ignore me entirely. Know, however, that you're unlikely to get anything more than the most basic practical information from this forum. You're using the wrong tool for the wrong job, IMO.

[thumper]

Chastity, as practized by most of the people here, actually means a more intimate life. With both partners involved heavily.

Yup.

[Dev]

AFAIK, there is NO physiological reason for a woman's desire to vanish when she goes past the age of fertility.
Ask dev.

Chastity, as practized by most of the people here, actually means a more intimate life. With both partners involved heavily.

K

Dev here and yes, absolutely. Bert, you brought up the question a few weeks ago in another thread, "How do I tell my wife?" Various folks had a few suggestions for you. It seems you didn't follow through on that and now it is several weeks later and she still doesn't know. Personally, I think the longer you go the harder it will be to tell her--and if it were me, the more upset I'd be that you hadn't told me. I don't like secrets and if I knew my husband had a secret like this he'd been keeping from me, right under my nose--well, to put it mildly, I'd probably go batshit crazy. I really don't think you're taking the proper approach and as Thumper said, chastity might not even be the right solution. If I recall correctly, you also bought a fairly pricey chain mail device which might be another reason for your wife to go beserk. "You spent HOW MUCH MONEY on this perverted idea of yours?!?" Frankly, I think you need to start being honest with her about what you are doing. You also need to be honest about your wants and needs. At 50, she is still plenty young enough to have an active and vibrant sex life. If she's not willing to go there and do that with you/for you, you really need to consider how to address this issue, whether it be counseling, couples therapy, and open relationship or something else.

Chastity can solve problems, this is true, but it needs to be a process with both members of the couple being actively and intimately involved. I'm only one person on the internet but reading what I have from you, it doesn't sound like you are approaching this in a positive problem-solving fashion.

Good luck,

Dev