I Need Moral Support!

[Dev]

Hi everyone,

I can post here because I don't think Ab reads this forum (if he does, it is on the sly). Obviously he reads the blog.

So...we had a little pushback tonight and I need moral support!

As everyone knows, I am the one who originally suggested chastity to Ab so we are the "backwards" couple in terms of motivation and so on. He was excited about the idea back when I brought it up (early August), was eager to get a device and wear it, and has been pretty much on board for the whole duration of this initial lock-up....which for the first time out, I'll admit, was long. 53 days.

So, the plan was that he'd get released on Friday, October 8th at 6 pm and be free until Sunday, October 10th at 6 pm. What happened in those 48 hrs was...unknown.

He's been feisty the past few days. If I want to use my model I might say he's exhibiting some "home stretch" behavior. He's also been continuously locked since last Thursday (when the JB arrived). No breaks for cleaning or something else. He's testy.

At dinner tonight, he brings up what will happen this weekend "when he's released." I said, "Don't completely assume you will be released. Things have changed. I might be having my period. We suddenly have a busy weekend entertaining my mom and her old lady friends. This might not be the best weekend for release. We might have to push it off for a week."

Eyes flash. He seems...annoyed. Pissed. Even a little angry. "What did you think was going to happen this weekend? I thought I had free rein...even if you were having your period I could do what I want."

"Well, maybe you do or maybe you don't. I'm in charge, remember? I own your cock. I own your orgasms. Maybe this isn't the weekend for fun and games. Maybe we should wait a week until we can really have fun."

More eye flashing. "But we had an agreement....an agreement that you'd unlock me on October 8th."

I counter, "We had an agreement that I was in charge of your cock and orgasms. I hold the key. I said I thought October 8th might be a release."

He came back, "It was an agreement."

I said, "Yes, it was an agreement, but I am in charge. This isn't negotiable."

Super pissed look. "I can go on your blog and see where you said I'd be released."

I shrugged.

"I can always refuse to go back in the cage if you don't play according to the rules we've set."

I said, "The rules we've set are that I am in charge."

More dirty looks.

I was slightly contrite in that I helped with cleaning up the kitchen. But I need moral support to say that I am in charge. This is the first real pushback I've had. Of course, I am worried that he is going to quit the game because I asserted myself. On the other hand, he admits he likes the game but this is the first time that I have asserted myself and he is annoyed.

This is what happens when you have two people who are totally equal in terms of being assertive/non-assertive playing the chastity game. I need to ramp up my assertive and know that he is not going to cave and quit. He *is* liking it, he says so. But I need moral support.

Pile it on, friends. Help and thanks!

D

[Chastehusband]

Maybe compromise and allow him release before the weekend on the condition that he has to wait longer for his next release than you had originally planned, letting him know your original next date, and the revised one if he accepts your offer of a slightly early release this time around.

[Dev]

I don't think he really wants an early release. I think he wants a release on this weekend on his terms. He thinks this weekend is a given (not so in my mind) and the terms have never been discussed.

D

[Chastehusband]

Well I guess if you do offer an early release as an option, he can't say you are not being reasonable with him

[likes2blocked]

I'd let him out on time, but make him grovel a bit first. Wise man says if a woman has key to your cock, you better be nice to her!

[Tutor]

When I was in the military and I told my people something... like do this and I'll make sure your off by noon tomorrow... if I didn't come through with my promise i.e. agreement, I would lose trust and respect in their eyes. After the length of time he's devoted to something you wanted him to do, right off the bat, without a warm up into chastity... my 2 cents is, you better release him, hug him and pat him on the butt telling him how proud you are of what he's gone through. Take him to his favorite restaurant, and let the shine of your eyes let him know your really happy he did what you both agreed to.
If you were talking of only a week or two it might be a different story. After what he's done, don't pull the rug out or be a used car salesman with a bait and switch tactic, your liable to loose some valuable trust that could ruin things for years.
Maybe I sound dire, he is liable to see you as not understanding what he is going through, only to push a point that is already known between the two of you. He knows you have the key already, you don't need to re-prove that. The only thing he hasn't seen in the 50 some days is you keeping to what you originally set as a goal. Fail in that and he won't believe what you tell him the next time, you'll say a month and he'll shrug and say "whatever" why should he believe it'll only be a month?

[Chastehusband]

I'd agree with Tutor, the other thing I'd say is that you are maybe getting close to taking things a little to seriously, its only a couple of days off after all.

[Atone]

I think I have to agree with the guys here. Stick to this weekend for his release. You might not have set it in stone but it certainly was the expectation. At least on his part. You originally wanted Halloween, he balked, you compromised to Oct 9th. I think this would be my expectation as well (if I was in his situation).

If you want to exert some control then make sure you stick to your desire for him to be locked back up on Sunday evening.

This could also be an opportunity to have another discussion on what this all means to each of you and what level of control you would like to have going forward. And also what his boundaries are as far as having and extend-able or unknown release date.

-A

[mikecb]

My take is that from 0 to 50+ days on the first time out is a heroic beginning! I can understand his frustration because you HAVE bandied the 8th around quite a bit. I agree with what others said that it's rather early in the game, and you're still building trust with one another. I can think of a few options.

1) Turn the question around. Let him decide. Out this weekend, but you're not up for sex. He'll just have to masturbate and be locked back up on Sunday night . Or, out next weekend for serious sexy time!

2) Promise a hard date. " I'm still in charge, but next weekend FOR SURE, come hell or high water."

3) Give him a week out of the belt. Let him out this weekend, but no sex. Once the house clears out and you're up for it, let the sexy time begin. Just make his "Honeymoon vacation" longer than a week.

I forget whether you had made agreements about what happens after the first release, but here is a way to set the stage for further play, and perhaps more control for you. Consider giving him what he wants in exchange for his promise to play the game again. For example, offer him option 3 with the proviso in advance that he agrees to be locked up again afterward, and that you're still in charge. You might even get him to agree that next time there won't be arguments about the date, if something comes up.

I guess from the man's perspective, I can REALLY empathize with him. He's given up a lot for this game for you, from a GGG perspective. I think he deserves a little slack and appreciation. At the same time, I think it will help his mood if he understands that you had every INTENTION to do things this weekend, but "life happened". I'd work a little harder to get his understanding, rather than his compliance.

My two cents....
mikecb

[Dev]

Good advice, everyone. Thank you.

I don't think I really intended not to let him out, I was just pushing a bit and wanted to see his reaction. Now I know. I do like the idea of going out to dinner and being super-nice. I can do that.

The timing sucks for me since, as I expected, my period started this morning (5:30 am -- 5 am is not always the magic hour in the Devoted Lover household!). I can tell right now it's going to be a doozy this month (woke up this morning with a headache and a backache and the Tylenol hasn't touched either one. ). I am sure that tomorrow night I'll still be on the rag and neither of us enjoy *that* type of sex. But maybe this is good, I'll just let him have at himself with his hand and by Saturday evening, hopefully, things will be in a place where we're both in the mood.

I don't know if folks remember but there was some talk (way back when) of going to Vermont for a romantic weekend of foliage-watching and doing some business (for Ab). Well, that never materialized and given my physiologic condition, I suppose that's just as well.

55 years old and I still get my period like clockwork (well, this month I was one week late). I suppose I shouldn't complain---it means I still have a raging sex drive, right? On the other hand, I've been dealing with this since I was 13. It's getting very old. LOL.

D