Chastity Forums

I have to ask this question here in a "safe space" because I'm confused by the feelings I'm having. I experimented with wearing a cage for a few weeks a while back (I wrote about this in another posting), but stopped for various reasons. Now I've been caged for almost a month in an authentic Holy Trainer Nub and I feel like it's a natural state. It's been an easy adjustment, and I don't want to be without the cage. When I take it off for cleaning, I feel it's unnatural to be touching myself and hurry to put the cage back in place. This feeling goes against my strict Baptist upbringing but it's real. Is it the excitement of a secret "kink"? Or an unexplored submissive side? The cage has never been a point of serious conversation with my wife; she just tolerates it and I wear it now, 700 miles away working on a long-term contract. Am I doing this out of some sense of faithfulness? She doesn't carry the key, so I'm self-locked. And I like it. But why? I've read so many posts here, and I'm beginning to get a general idea of possible reasons, but I would really benefit from a direct answer as to your "why" because I think about it almost all the time. I'm driving myself a little crazy...

My “why” is my wife. It rekindles interest and intimacy that has waned due to time and health. It is also a journey we take together. She is finding she likes the control and I find I like submitting to her control. Didn’t think I would but learn something new every day. But at the end of the day we are closer than we would be without chastity.

realme1976 wrote: ↑Tue Jan 31, 2023 11:27 pm This feeling goes against my strict Baptist upbringing but it's real.

I'm curious about this. I was raised Catholic and am now Episcopalian, fairly devout too. I have a hard time reconciling a lot of what I do but chastity just isn't one of them.

I think it would be kind of fun to get a bunch of like minded people involved in a bible study around this. I think it would be very interesting to see how scripture and (church) tradition view this.

I was raised Christadelphian and I don’t see chastity as a biblical discussion. It is , in my wife and my case, no more than a marital aide between two consenting adults. It hurt no one and cannot see orgasm denial as a means to build intimacy as a sin. But that is just my opinion and always open to hearing others

First, I don't think your God really has a view on what is essentially a harmless kink.

Second and most importantly, you do this, your wife doesn't complain, it harms nobody and it makes you feel - well, however you feel. So my advice is not to over-analyse yourself.

You might well have unexplored aspects to your sexuality, especially of you consider yourself repressed sexually and/or emotionally, I have certainly discovered a lot about me since I started chastity. My wife, interestingly and unexpectedly, has also embraced a kink FLR lifestyle. But that short paragraph encompasses six or seven years, so give yourself and your wife plenty of time and move at your own pace.

My VanillaWife barely "tolerates" the fact the fact that I am wearing one of my chastity devices most of the time. And, she has never tolerated any actual back-and-forth conversation on the subject. Over the last month or two she has asked a couple of closed-end questions, and the subject was quickly changed after they were answered. I have tried a number of different approaches via written communication over the years, and she has never read them.

So why do I do it? First, and most importantly for me, once you get the fit right, wearing a chastity device feels SO good, kinda like constant low level foreplay. Second, I have had a bondage "kink" for as far back into my childhood as I can remember. Wearing a chastity device makes that kink VERY happy since my genitals, my most private parts, are constantly in strict bondage.

Along with the bondage kink comes a submissive side that no one except VanillaWife would ever guess I have. I have to use my imagination on this one, but I imagine that VW gives me a goal to wear a device a certain number (or percentage) of the total hours in the current month / year, and that she requires me to keep careful records accordingly.

I wandered into it after cognitive and counciling were failing to reconnect my wife and I. I realised that my penis was the main problem and in fact the cause of pretty much everything bad in our relationship and prior relationships.
I read somewhere that this could make a difference, and it tied into the penis attention thing.
My wife would say "it's all about you and your penis". She was right. She still is.
Now it's about my penis when she wants it to be. Life is good.

I’d be interested in taking part in the Bible exploration.

Chastity and the bible ??? Nooooooooooooooooo

MsM’s ld

Thanks to everyone who provided me their insights as to the "why" of male chastity. I've given it a lot of thought; I've reviewed other postings to this site; I've found a lot of help in Thumper's musings and Tom Arnold's writings. And I figured out why I do this.
.
I enjoy the eroticism of having something locked on my penis. The secret of the kink under my suit. The feeling when I'm swelling in the cage.

That's it.

I cast no aspersions on those of you who have chastity as a part of a complex relationship with your partner. If it makes your life more fulfilling and your relationship more meaningful, then I'm honestly glad for you. But for me, I was making it too deep, too cerebral, too "man in need of therapy." I just do it because it's fun. I currently live on my own, somewhat estranged from my wife (the old story of too much time spent climbing the career ladder only to realize probably too late the damage I did to my relationship along the way). Still, I love her intensely, so while we're hundreds of miles away from each other trying to work out our differences I use the cage as a way to make-believe that she's holding the key, that we're still in a relationship, and that I'm barred from cumming because of her desires. In effect, I'm playing a mind game with myself, but with the wonderful side effect of being aroused all the time and, as one of you said, feeling as though there's a hand around my cock and squeezing pretty much 24/7. And yes, I keep the keys highly inaccessible: frozen in my freezer and no emergency key with me. It just adds to the excitement of "being discovered" (a lot like Thumper's post-analysis of his experience at a TSA security check...)

Interesting side effect, though...I find when we are zooming with each other that I'm more attentive, more focused on the issues that we face--from HER viewpoint. Many of you have talked about chastity heightening your awareness of your partner's needs so, in that respect, I get it. Completely.

I appreciate the opportunity to sort this out with all of you who are in chastity for various reasons. I've learned that with the choice to engage in male chastity there's no right, no wrong...it just is what it is, at least for me.