newtochast57 wrote:The only issue with this is what ever is decided on as a punishment has to be a punishment. For me extending the number of days in which I get to cum would not be a punishment and my wife would not be comfortable with spanking me so neither of them would work for us. Although it has never had to have been used, if required my KH could either ban me from the computer or refuse to let me play golf, either of which would be horrible punishments for me.
There are many ways of inflicting punishments that are sexual or semi-sexual in nature, some of which may be erotic in nature on one level, but when taken to additional heights of intensity and/or duration become undesirable to the one being punished and truly serve as a 'learning experience'/correction that can be effective, something to be avoided.
Given that this is a sexual 'game', I am a fan of punishments/penalties being sexual in nature rather than something of a more mundane variety. Limitation of 'normal' activities such as computer use or golfing strike me as concepts that are too similar to the sort of things a parent might do to [attempt to] punish a child. That might be OK for those who aspire to the sort of play that has a Mommy/child flavor (which is quite unappealing to me for several reasons) but I have to wonder what percentage of folks do it like that. I know that in my case these things would not be effective and there would be no way of enforcing it. It is possible that I am slightly biased in favor of more 'hardcore' BDSM activities.
I have no particular affinity toward ass-spankings, either giving or receiving, and Mrs. Twisted doesn't seem to have any affinity to giving them (though I think she does have some attraction to being the spankee). However, she has discovered that she *does* enjoy slapping my cock and balls. I really don't like having my balls slapped at all, and Mrs. Twisted doesn't have to expend a great deal of effort for it to be effective. She admitted that slapping my cock makes her 'wet', and at lower intensity levels I find it erotic as well, but I think that taken to higher levels of intensity and duration it could become quite effective as a penalty/punishment. I think that I favor this sort of thing because of the duality of the nature of it- on the one hand it can be erotic and desirable, a pleasure that can be enjoyed, yet it can be taken a little further to the point where the line between pleasure and pain becomes blurred, and then even further to where the line is definitively crossed and it is clearly not pleasurable any longer. It remains to be seen whether Mrs. Twisted is capable of crossing that line (and how much she might enjoy doing so) but she certainly has no problem whacking my nuts hard enough to make my eyes water (which really isn't very hard at all- correctly done, even light taps that would be almost unnoticeable on other parts of the body can be quite unpleasant when applied to ones testicles). I have also experimented with a TENS unit and discovered that high-intensity pulses at a low repetition rate (delivered through adhesive contact pads attached to the bottom of the scrotum) can deliver a similar effect with no effort at all- almost like being kicked when the intensity level is increased toward maximum, and the longer it goes on the more unpleasant it seems to become.
These are only a couple of examples, there are certainly more.
It appears that general opinion of most here that a contract is a good starting point but once a baseline of limits has been established it is no longer required as long as there is communication.
I tried using a 'contract' long ago, and wrote it/them with an eye toward making it 'suggestions' of what she *could* do, as opposed to 'rules' that *she* was required to follow in order to provide me with a particular experience. Unfortunately, I can tend to get a bit wordy and detail-oriented and I think she was overwhelmed with the volume of information. It didn't work out well. However, *she* has recently suggested that some "ground rules" (her words) need to be established so I have been working on that...and trying very hard to simplify it in order to avoid the problem of my making it so complicated that she won't/can't read/remember it, as well as stressing that the information contained is not 'rules' for *her* to follow but more of a 'road map' that she can use to guide her, ways and means that she can use to accomplish what *she* wants rather than a scenario to follow that gives me what *I* might want.
I find it easier to communicate in writing than verbally. In verbal conversations I am easily sidetracked and tend to forget things, whereas in writing I can get my thoughts out better. In some cases, writing might be better for her as well, as she can be uncomfortable with demanding what she wants in face-to-face conversations, so I am including a suggestion similar to Lady M's notebook thingy (thanks for that idea).
perhaps the worst punishment your KH could use...is simply hand you back your key and say she doesn’t want to play.
I really, really dislike this one, as the implication is that he is the one that ultimately holds all the power and can end things simply by being uncooperative. It also implies that it is something that the KH is doing *for* her partner rather than herself, going out of her way to provide *him* with a particular experience, she's just going along with it to humor him. That sort of "take your ball and go home" attitude really turns me off. It strikes me as haughty, disdainful and insulting, and altogether not the sort of attitude one partner should have toward another in a loving [adult] relationship.