I think I know where you are coming from...
When me and my KH were together for a short time we once went into a sex-shop. We were still in progress of exploring each others sex-drive etc. In the area with the anal-tools and bondage equipments I did a careful hint that I found those things sexy. At that time she looked at me a bit disgusting and shook her head... Later on whenever in TV or somewhere there were bondage pictures or stuff and I said ... hey kinky ... she would frown at me... and one time I think when I mentioned something she just said ... can't you just be normal?
It was during that period that I started to hide my fantasies. And I hid them well, very well ... I tied myself up when she left home for longer periods. I became a self-bondage expert over the years. I bought quite some toys ... I built others, I invented a teasing machines etc... I built hiding places in our home for all the stuff! I fantasized about going to a PRO-Studio ... even looked them up, but never went there...
It took me TWELVE years to finally come to the conclusion that this is the person I am and we were at a stage in our relationship where it was going into the direction of building a house, having kids, etc. and I had to ask myself ... is this the person I want to spend the rest of my life with? Will I hide my inner self from this person for the rest of my life?
So actually I came out to her all in a big gulp. I am sorry she had to stomach so much from me at one day, but I just could not take it longer anymore. I told her everything, no slow introduction, no slow getting her used to kink and fantasies.
Fascinating enough, she took it very well. Perhaps her state of mind regarding certain topics have changed during the years without me noticing, perhaps when confronted that her lover is really into that stuff made her see those things in different light ... I don't know. What shocked her most was that I hid it from her for such a long time. She was not angry at all, she was feeling stupid and sorry that she never recognized my subtle hints.
Anyway, I would not be here if things would not have worked out
So there is a happy ending to the story and actually my KH is really starting to like her role. Eg. she loves commanding me to massage her feet and stuff 
*G* ... and when I criticize her about something she more often than not now answers with "A queen does not have to explain her doings" ... with a big grin ...Sorry for hijacking your thread, I just wanted to tell this story because I know in what a situation you are. I can not promise how your wife will react to your telling, but I too like all the others think that honesty is very important. I am angry with myself for hinding things for such a long time... but I guess it was not until recently that I accepted all this as really being a part of me and not just some "dirty" quick kink in between...
