Managing Expectations

[whistlersix]

I was wondering what everyone's day to day lives were like and how they managed their expectations of chastity with reality.

In my case, being locked up now for only 5 days, I'm on a high all the time and I just want to be near my wife and do things with her, for her and to her. Unfortunately she's a much lower libido, even when I'm not locked up and thus we don't really do much. I'm always offering to please her and trying to do things to make things easier on her, all with the goal that she'll tease me or do something, anything, with me. This is leading me to get frustrated very easily. It feels like I'm doing a ton of work and expending a lot of effort, which she does appreciate and has said so, yet I don't seem to get nearly the results I hope...

I guess I need some perspective from everyone on what they expect from their significant others/keyholders and what they actually get. In other words, what and how often do you have some sort of chastity related interaction that keeps you going and makes the work you do to please them worth it?

Sorry, I feel like I'm rambling a little. I'm not the best writer and sometimes have a hard time putting into words what's going through my head.

[danj]

We've been playing with chastity for about a year, and have had the device for all but 1-2 months of that time. We both enjoy male chastity, though I do think I like it more than my wife. For the most part the reality has been great. That said, there are definitely times when I am chaste and also feel somewhat ignored. This is inevitable with the demands of work and home life, especially since we have children. No question about it, it is much harder for me to be chaste (locked or unlocked) when I'm not getting any attention from my wife/keyholder. For me, it doesn't actually take much to feel acknowledged in my locked state...a few words reminding me of her control go a long ways. My wife does struggle with that sometimes. When she feels overwhelmed at work, she tends to "forget" that my cock is still under her control and is not being stimulated at all, and I become more horny as the days pass. I enjoy those feelings when she is engaged, but it can be frustrating when she is not. I'm 4 days into this cycle, and I've had very little attention, and she has not allowed me to give her anything more than some hugs and small kisses. Kinda tough for me, but something I try to handle without getting grumpy. The last few cycles my most cranky days have been 2-4 days in, and they are much harder for me if she is mentally not with me in my chaste condition. I've been trying to get her to verbalize her control more without too much "topping from the bottom", as we've also entered a wife led marriage, though it is a tame much more vanilla style WLM.

[poor]

In another thread Chuck said:
... it takes both of you to make the relationship work. Do what she likes, fulfill some fantasy of hers, make sure that she knows that you're no less a man for wanting to be locked in chastity, and let her know how you want to live this fantasy/game/lifestyle. Let her know what answers she should give when you ask when you'll be allowed to jack off. (Never) And when she gives the answer that gets you the hottest let her know that you appreciate her strength. Slowly and with baby steps. You've been into some of this all your life, She's just getting involved. She won't be in the same place as you are. Give her the time needed to adjust. And have fun. That's what it's all about.

Before you told her how much would you have given for even one day of having her keeping the key? You're already on day five - how lucky are you?

If it helps think of it like farming. A field of dirt gets turned, fed, seeded, watered, fertilised and left in just the right proportions until a bountiful harvest is taken. All the work takes place when there's nothing to show for it but eventually you'll be in clover.

[whistlersix]

If it helps think of it like farming. A field of dirt gets turned, fed, seeded, watered, fertilised and left in just the right proportions until a bountiful harvest is taken. All the work takes place when there's nothing to show for it but eventually you'll be in clover.

I know. I'm trying to think of the long term here. Slow and steady wins the race. If I push to much, it'll just push her away. It's just so easy to get frustrated though, knowing how little effort it would take on her part to do small things that would make such a difference to me.

For me, it doesn't actually take much to feel acknowledged in my locked state...a few words reminding me of her control go a long ways. My wife does struggle with that sometimes. When she feels overwhelmed at work, she tends to "forget" that my cock is still under her control and is not being stimulated at all, and I become more horny as the days pass. I enjoy those feelings when she is engaged, but it can be frustrating when she is not.

That's exactly how I feel. I just have to remember to be patient.

Danj and Poor, how often on average would you say you're spouse/keyholder is "mentally engaged" and an active participant in what's going on?

[Cagieboy]

First off I would like to tell you that I feel the same way and that I have had the same experience. It goes a long way to know that someone else has experienced exactly the same thing that you have experienced. I have found that early in the cycle, (the first week of being locked up) that I am excited about it and I sometimes feel ignored when my wife/KH does not feel as excited or is interested in something else. By the second week things are a little easier. My other half still makes comments and plays along with the same frequency that she always did but in the second week my mind has calmed down and I don't feel so ignored. Realize that these feelings are your feelings and not hers. She may love having you locked up even though she does not openly express it, that may just be the way that she like to play the game. If your other half is playing along, don't push it, just realize that you are indeed a very lucky man.

[poor]

@whistlersix:
It's hard to judge Chatelaines 'mental engagement' as she delights in playing head-games, saying one thing WHILE doing another and being totally unpredictable. Physically I get more when she can play with my cock. So far when she has called upon my services when locked she has found it less pleasurable for her so it gets 'put away' until she wants it again.

But this is sort of missing the point (although I've been where you are). Stop worrying about getting and learn to love wanting (to please her). Hopefully you'll get her to a place that she'll want to keep you.

[danj]

Danj and Poor, how often on average would you say you're spouse/keyholder is "mentally engaged" and an active participant in what's going on?

It's hard to say, it varies from day to day (or week to week). When she's engaged, she's pretty good about it. When she isn't, I know it right away. The biggest thing is her stress level. When she is feeling less stress, she is far more aware of my state.