I now feel like it's wrong for me to orgasm

[attentive_husband]

My wife has come to appreciate keeping me in chastity. But she still will occasionally let me out. She did the other day after 45 days of having me locked up.

And it was weird. She gave me privacy to masturbate and I did. But several times while doing so I wanted to stop and go find her and give her an orgasm. But I knew she was not in that mood so I powered on through.

And it was pleasurable, both the masturbating and the orgasm. But it didn't come close emotionally to when we make love with me locked up and only she orgasms. It felt wrong to be focused on my orgasm.

And then the following morning we made love. And I brought her to several orgasms. But then she said she wanted me to orgasm and so we're making love and I'm focusing on her, but I can tell she's focusing on me. And that felt so wrong to me that I had to stop.

She wants me to cum. And a loving relationship is a two way street so even if it's all about her (FLR), that can include my getting to orgasm when we make love. Logically this makes sense. It is pleasurable for me. She wants it. But emotionally... For me...

Has anyone else evolved to this point? It's very different from how I used to approach this and is not something I expected. And I wonder if I'm screwed up - it's very weird to feel it's wrong to cum in my wife.

I've been trying to figure out why I feel this way. And I think it's two fold. First, the ultimate sign of submission in a FLR is for my wife to take away my orgasms. It's so central, major, etc. to a guy - it's the ultimate way of showing every second of every day that it's about her.

Second, making love with her when all the focus is on her is extraordinary. Making love where I get to cum too doesn't even come close. For about a year now, after we make love with only her cumming, I feel satiated. It used to be afterwards I wanted to cum more. Now afterwards I feel complete and just want to hold here and be swallowed up in our love.

Third, I love the constant ache I have from not being able to orgasm. And that is all focused on her. Multiple times during the day it hits me how much I want her, and how much I love her. The longer I'm kept in chastity, the more often and more intense this becomes.

Fourth, it feels wrong to not be focused on her. I used to be a somewhat selfish guy and I like who I am now a lot better. I'm a much better husband, but also a better father, friend, co-worker (ok maybe not much better there), etc. That's not to say it's 100% a focus on my wife - a loving relationship is two way. There is a lot she does for me and there are things I ask for and occasionally push for. But orgasms are the fundamental selfish act and that feels so wrong to me now.

Anyways thanks for listening and welcome any thoughts on this. Especially anyone else who's hit this point.

[Tom Allen]

Try to think of it this way: we enjoy bringing pleasure to our partners. We enjoy doing something that allows them to get lost in pleasure for a little while, and knowing that we're the ones driving this pleasure is itself a bit of an ego boost.

Your wife, I'm sure, enjoys the pleasure that you give her, but once in a while, she wants that little ego boost from giving that kind of pleasure back to you. It's not selfish to have an orgasm when she's driving it; it's actually more selfish to avoid allowing her that little bit of fun.

I'm locked up and denied permanently (for some value of permanent), but once in a while Mrs Edge loves to push my buttons and force some spillover, or even a caged orgasm out of me, simply because she enjoys seeing me get some enjoyment (and it makes her feel sexy knowing that she can make me come in a cage). I used to feel guilty, but over the years, I've learned that she loves doing it. Why would I want to hold that back from her?

[KittensBoyToy]

I feel the same way. I know that as infrequent as I am allowed to orgasm it is going to be like fireworks on the 4th and I really love it. At the same time I dread the probability of the post orgasm depression. I never know how long it will take to get back in the proper mindset.

I get an immense amount of pleasure from just knowing that I have pleased M'Lady. Whether it is by my mouth, fingers, a vibrator, a dildo or a combination of any of them I am as satisfied as I would have been had I been allowed to orgasm. I don't mean to say I would want to give up orgasms forever, just that they aren't the only way for me to achieve pleasure.

[Chastityat61]

My wife has told me that, it puts a certain amount of unwanted pressure on her to cum.. when I offer that we make love, to have her cum then me ,,maybe. She wants me to cum and sometimes has said she doesn't even care if she cums, just wants me to. I've heard the phrase, topping from the bottom. Sounds like some of us might be doing that.

[attentive_husband]

Thank you all and very good point - if she's in charge this is not my decision.

I do hold out hope she'll get to the point where she never wants me to cum. Over the 4 years we've been doing this she (and I) have evolved a lot around chastity.

ps - We all top from the bottom to some extent, even if it's just suggesting where to go on date night. But yes, this was way overboard.

[focUSed]

First, the ultimate sign of submission in a FLR is for my wife to take away my orgasms.

What if instead of 'take away' you thought about it as 'control' or 'be in charge of'?

If she says you don't get one, you don't. If she tells you to, you do, however and whenever she asks you to. I'd think that would be more ultimate than only taking away. At least that's where my mind has gone when so informed.

[attentive_husband]

What if instead of 'take away' you thought about it as 'control' or 'be in charge of'?

That's the conclusion I came to also. And I told her this - and apologized.

And you're right, having her own my orgasms is giving her even more power. Scary, but intense.

[sirmebane]

I don't know if I feel like it is "wrong" to orgasm but I would MUCH rather have her attention and be teased than simply orgasm and roll over. I agree that the constant desire is a better outcome and a happier way to live.