[Nortern_Lad] Our Life Together

[Northern_Lad]

This will be the first time I've ever put pen to paper to journal my thoughts about my experiences with chastity. In truth, it is the first time I've journaled about anything in many years. I find it interesting that I feel compelled to do so about this, but in a way it does make sense because the reality of wearing a chastity cage has a way of really focusing my mind on that, and Her.

I suppose I'll start by writing a bit of our history with playing this game.

My wife and I are both 30 years old and have been together since our early twenties. A few years ago, I drunkenly summoned up the courage to discuss with her the idea of male chastity, one of my kinks. I had sort of worked her up to that point over a few weeks, suggesting (post coitus) once or twice that there might be some things I wanted to try, but then chickening out at the last second. I'm a lucky man for many reasons to be with her, one of which is that she is open minded and agreed to try it. This was maybe 3 or 4 years ago now, I really can't remember. We dabbled in it for a while, but I think I failed to explain what I wanted to get out of it and what could be in it for her. For one reason or another, we took a break.

She surprised me several months later by bringing it up when we were walking home one evening, planning our wedding and honeymoon. She told me we would have to check our travel bags because she wanted me to bring the cage when we went on our first real vacation together. I was instantly turned on, and excited that she had brought it back up. We agreed to start playing again, and began to do so much more regularly. Some time after that we bought our first home together. There is something about a change in setting that can lead to further changes in life. We went further down the rabbit hole after moving, she has been the Queen of the house ever since, and I've been wearing the cage more often than not.

These changes in power dynamic have been further cemented after our marriage last year. Two big life events very quickly. Home ownership, marriage. Maybe kids are on the way soon? Anyway.

My dick completely belongs to her now, it is her sex toy and she can take it out and use it whenever she wants, for however long she wants, completely at her own discretion. I can't remember the last time I came without asking her for permission now. It has been well over a year. I am so grateful to her for doing this with me. It is a strange and paradoxical thing, to crave and almost need the denial of ones own freedom, but I do. I need her to be in charge and I am so grateful she has taken on that role. She has grown to love it as much as I have, perhaps even more, but it is difficult to tell for me. In some subjects I have a keen insight, but understanding what a woman thinks and why she does the things she does? I'm blinded by my own sexuality and easily manipulated. But I love and trust her.

I have so many more things to say about all of this but I might stop this post here and just add more entries in the future. Discussing past, present, and future at a later date.

[Northern_Lad]

It is interesting reading this two and a half years later. I've always been, at best, a very sporadic journaler, but I always do find it interesting to come back after some amount of time to read my old thoughts and reflect on things that have happened in the interim. Since my last post, we enjoyed probably another solid year of chastity play. The power dynamic grew as natural to us as any other thing in our lives, carving deep ruts in our neural pathways and cementing itself as a permanent fixture in our relationship dynamic. I don't think either of us could have ever imagined giving it up. But then, glossing over many events, we had our first child and then life just didn't really grant either of us the time or energy we both used to enjoy for one another. One day, post-sex, I just never put it back on. It was unspoken but mutually agreed on to stop, and our relationship actually suffered greatly. Suddenly we were far less intimate with one another while at the same time we were thrust into the burdens and worries of parenthood for the first time. We were together still, but terribly separate in a meaningful way. I'd go as far as to say our relationship really soured, and I take accountability for that. I could have been and should have been better, but for a million little reasons I wasn't. I can't shoulder all the blame alone, but an honest accounting has me responsible for most of those troubles.

That break started a little over a year ago at the time of writing this, and it felt long. Recently though we've finally begun to rekindle that intimacy we used to share. Last weekend She made me put it back on again. She brought it up.

We had been fighting silently for a while for some never clearly articulated reason. I don't know why. To state it broadly and vaguely because it's somewhat boring, we were fighting for control in the relationship I guess? I had been out of chastity for over a year at this point. I think we both knew and know deep down that I'm never really getting control back. How could I? I fully and openly submitted to Her for literal years. I'd been out of chastity for a while, yes, but we crossed the Rubicon long ago. I was ultimately being silly and stubborn, and I think it frustrated Her to have to pretend that She was okay with me being 'free', and outside of Her control. I'm a lot less intimate and my negative tendencies quickly crept back into my daily routine. She was frustrated and hurt by my lack of attention. And it became hard for me to unbend my pride and accept Her control again after I had been free again for so long. So the tension in our lives grew, slowly, and we are frustrated with one another. Stubbornness and pride and frustration.

Last weekend that tension finally broke. She was sitting on the floor, watching the baby play. I finished up a work item at my desk and then went and laid down next to her while she sat upright, leaned against the reclining chair. I was tired of fighting, just wanting peace. Something happened that's hard to explain, it almost felt supernatural. Maybe it was our body language that set it off, her above me as I lay there brought our true power dynamic to our minds. We didn't even make eye contact. Maybe it was pheromones in the air, I don't know. I suddenly felt both of us read each other's mind and realized we were done fighting. All of a sudden She was powerful. In charge again, and I wanted Her BAD. She picked up on the mood shift too and in Her quiet but austere way She was suddenly my master again. I should journal about Her way of being. I could write pages about the inscrutable austere mystery that is Her way of being the boss.

That night when the baby was sleeping and we were both in bed She rolled over, half on top of me and grabbed my cock. "My favorite toy," She said. I was rock hard instantly. She was pleased. She worked me up into a frenzy and I was quickly begging Her to let me cum. Begging my master once again with the total abandon She trained into me years ago when we lived this lifestyle. All my pretense and resistance completely forgotten and replaced with that wild desperation that only She can command. She leaned in close and whispered in my ear: "Are you ready to play our game again?". Of course I was. She couldn't be denied in that moment and She knew that quite well. I feigned reluctance because I knew She would enjoy it. Drawing out my capitulation purposefully for Her to savor. But inside I was ready. Fuck yes. I was ready to be Her toy again. I groaned, thrust my hips and struggled vainly, but not daring to actually cum before She said I could. Then I lied still while She held my throbbing cock with a practiced firmness. "Is that a yes?" She asked.
"Yes, Master." my reply was met with a smile that was savagely smug. I was Hers again. She graciously allowed Her toy to finish, after making it beg some more (one of Her favorite things).

At the time of writing this that was four days ago. I'm firmly in Her power again and we're both very happy about that. There have been a few attempts in the last year by us to restart things. None of them stuck yet, but I think this one will. We're both finally in a good place mentally and we're on the same page again. We've grown more used to being parents now. And we have the perspective of what a large dose of what life without chastity might look like. It sucked. I don't think either of us are eager to go back to that. My hope is that this iteration sticks again. That it becomes more permanent and grows even deeper. I will keep my fingers crossed, but rather than trust wholly to luck I'll spend my energy pleasing Her. I'm excited about that. I'm excited to live as Her property again.

[Tongue+groove]

I hope I’m not intruding here. But the two of you have had a lot of life changes in the last two + years. Plenty of stressful things.

New parenting may be the most exhausting job ever. And I might add something that is just a life observation. Nothing scientific here. When a woman births a boy there is a hormonal exchange different from that of a girl, ok some science. And with the birth of a boy postpartum issues and hormonal problems seem more extreme. I’m not sure the sex of your child and it’s none of my business but if it is a boy you might keep this in mind.

Again unsolicited advice and hopefully I didn’t overstep my bounds.