slowly (maybe) entering chastity

[preston.cs98]

First, hello and I think this is a great message board and it has answered a lot of questions for me.

Let me tell you a little about my situation.

My wife and I have been married 6 years and we have a 4 year old son. What was once a very passionate relationship, took a hit after our son was born and has not really recovered. We both knew this was happening and occasionally have wonderful sex, but rarely more than twice a month and many times I prematurely ejaculate. She likes really hard and rough sex usually, and I just cannot do it every time. This leaves us both very frustrated. About 2 years ago we would occasionally play with a dildo before intercourse. While the dildo is slightly larger than me (I am 5.9" in length and 4.9" in circumference and the dildo is about 7" in length and 5.5" in circumference), I could bring her to really powerful orgasms with it as there was no stamina concerns. Other times I could bring her to those same orgasms without a dildo.

Thinking it might help/fun, I bought a cyberskin penis extender (2" xtra-thick) with two things in mind...giving her a larger cock (it is about 8" in length and 6" in circumference) and overcoming my stamina problems. Well, we tried it twice and it was awesome while it worked. If I lost any hardness, if would immediately rotate and no longer fit properly. After this, our sex life became less frequent.

During the last 2-3 months, I have been busy starting a new business and we have moved to a new home. We have had sex once during that period. I also realized that she was more withdrawn and we were fighting more often. I then discovered that she had been chatting with a male "second life" friend from another country and apparently had been having cybersex for the last couple of months. I was naturally very upset, but also realized that my attitude, and in particular, my masturbation habit had a lot to do with the recent failure of our intimate relationship. We have talked a lot about our relationship and both of our willingness to fix things.

I knew about chastity before this episode and thought about talking to her about it a couple of years ago but was too embarrassed. I felt that it was a good time to finally talk to her about it and gave her my Nook last night with Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders, by Lucy Fairbourne. I told her that I did not agree with 100% of what is in the book, but that I wanted her to read it and let me know what she thought.

She came to bed late last night, after staying up to read a good portion of it. When I asked her what she thought of it, she said she was not sure about it and she liked how I controlled our lives and could never see herself as a dominant partner. I then explained that is where I disagreed with the book, and that I thought that chastity would allow us to focus more on our relationship and prevent me from masturbating and being a jerk. She agreed with me and said that she wanted to finish the book. We then talked for several hours about our relationship before going back to sleep.

I am excited at the idea of rebuilding our relationship. I know that chastity is not a 100% solution, but I think that it would correct many of the underlying issues between us.

Please let me know of any advice and I will continue to update.

[Locked by LRC]

The start of our chastity was similar to yours. LRC and I had always had a conventional male lead relationship. Chastity started as a weekend play and was a female dominated time. When we first started full-time chastity we tried to make it so she was more in charge in the house and her body was off limits to touch unless I was told to, like our weekend play. This didn’t work because she isn’t a dominant type person and felt uncomfortable and I had a major frustration.

After a month or so we had a discussion about it. We decided that she liked the male led relationship that we had before. What she LOVED was knowing that she controlled my cock. This is all she wanted to dominate.

She also liked the idea that I was doing more household chores. I was cooking, making the bed, laundry, etc, things that were the female part of our relationship. We decide that other than me doing more “woman’s work” around the house our daily life would be unchanged.

I could caress or touch her anywhere, except her crotch, whenever I wanted. This cured my frustration for playing with her breasts and rear when we are in bed, this was a major thing that bothered me to the point that I wanted to stop chastity. One of the other members of this forum’s deal breaker was taking the cage off when he took his daily shower.

The exception to our arrangement is when the cage is removed. Then the relationship is a female led relationship. Her whole body if off limits unless permission is granted. I must refer to her as Mistress. I have to do anything she orders.

The point of this is don’t confuse a chastity lifestyle with a dominatrix lifestyle. That was the problem LRC and I had. All couples are different and I think a successful full-time chastity relationship works with communication and both sides find a place where they are comfortable.

[Atone]

Welcome to the forum.

You might want to get Sarah Jameson's book too (Be Careful What You Wish For). She does a good job covering many aspects of Male Chastity and while I don't agree with everything she wrote it is much better than Lucy's book.

I have read Lucy Fairbourne's book too, there is a lot in there that I don't agree with or relate to.

-A

[Atone]

Oh, I forgot, the link to your tumblr is wrong (unless you are logged in as you).

-A

[Celtic Queen]

Hi Preston, welcome to the forum.

All great advice so far. Locked by LRC's comment is very true - if your wife is uncomfortable with all the FLR (female led relationship) ideas then it's important to not overwhelm her with that side of things. Taking control of your sex life is very different from taking control of you and your lives and it's crucial at this stage to keep that distinction clear. She may well balance your bank accounts but that's a world away from financial domination.

I'd say you are both making a good, healthy, communicative start and I would encourage her to join this forum, read some of the saner blogs out there and filter everything you read by discussing it together as there are very extreme ideas (mainly male) that is very off putting to a couple starting on this road for the first time. It is absolutely transformational and requires very hard work at times to stay on the road, no one on this forum will kid you about this but get it right and you will never regret the change. It's absolutely about how you take all these ideas and tailoring it to work for you both. As with everything in life, there isn't a single recipe of how to "do" chastity.

Good luck, we're all here to bounce ideas off and support you!

[preston.cs98]

The start of our chastity was similar to yours.

Thank you for your post. A lot of chastity stuff out there is so over the top, it is nice to see that someone else was where I am now.

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[preston.cs98]

The start of our chastity was similar to yours. LRC and I had always had a conventional male lead relationship.

Thank you. It is nice to know that there are others who explored the not so extreme side of chastity.

Welcome to the forum.

You might want to get Sarah Jameson's book too (Be Careful What You Wish For). She does a good job covering many aspects of Male Chastity and while I don't agree with everything she wrote it is much better than Lucy's book.

I have read Lucy Fairbourne's book too, there is a lot in there that I don't agree with or relate to.

-A

That book looks great. I also fixed my tumble link.

Hi Preston, welcome to the forum.

Good luck, we're all here to bounce ideas off and support you!

Thank you.

All this advice really helps. I feel like I have planted the seed and I am not going to bother her about it for a week or two. Right now I am just trying to focus on relationship repair, which I think is more important to both of us and will get us to a place where we can talk about it again without it looking like I am a little child. I honestly feel like I need something to correct the more adverse actions I take to satisfy myself, which has come at a great detriment to our intimate relationship.