EclecticKeyHolder wrote:Hello,
Nervous keyholder here. Husband encouraged me to check out this forum. He's done most of the 'research' up until this point.... I'm very interested in the keyholder forum. Thanks.
Welcome to the forum. I don't think there is a lot to be nervous about- holding the key enables you to have a certain measure of power and control. What follows is learning to use that power and control in a manner that provides results you like in a way that keeps him motivated to continue to participate. If he is the one who introduced the idea, he was probably far more nervous in doing so. There can be considerable apprehension in going against societal norms and admitting that it is appealing to be 'controlled' in this manner.
If you find the idea at all appealing to *you*, for any of a number of reasons, and are willing to give it a shot, you will find an open road ahead with a number of paths that you can choose from. You do not have to follow a single path, nor do you have to stick to one path after having chosen it, you can change course at any time if you find that it is not working in the way you would like. Think of it as a 'scenic tour' going in a general direction, you can wander as you like and re-visit as you wish, experimenting and trying this and that and seeing what you like and don't like.
You can (and probably should) take small steps at first, which will allow you to gain confidence and begin to provide you with a vision of where you would like to go next. Remember, *you* hold the 'key' (pun intended), which gives you the ability to guide the journey. If you use it appropriately you will find there are many wonderful things ahead. Everyone, and every couple, is different. The path you take does not have to be the same path as others have taken, you can pick and choose. What works for one couple may not work for you, and what works for you may not be the same as what works for others. You do not have to race to a finish line,you can go as slowly as you wish to, even remaining at a point or points without going as far down the path as others do.
You will find that there are some aspects of this that may not appeal to you, some people enjoy getting *very* kinky but that does not mean that you must as well. If, along the way, you happen to find something that is not appealing, or is disturbing to you, ignore it and move on- you don't need to go down that path, find what *you* like and head toward it.
It is also quite likely, that as you wander and experiment, and gain confidence, you will find that there are things which did not previously appeal to you that eventually become appealing, or things/ideas which you had previously given no thought become avenues to explore. Be wary of saying "That will never happen", especially to your other half, you might possibly change your mind at some point and it will be far easier to open that door if you have not slammed it shut and bolted it (in your mind, and his)...and it can also be an exciting 'tease' (for both you and him) to keep him wondering if certain things might or could happen, even if you don't currently think that they would.
What results would *you* like to achieve by being his 'keyholder'? Increased sexual pleasure for yourself? [Greatly] 'Extended foreplay' for him? Changes to his attitude? More attention and 'personal service'? These things are easily available, and just the tip of the iceberg. (And there is no need to answer these questions here, they are merely for you to think about to find answers in *your* mind.) There is an extensive buffet from which you can choose- disregard what you don't [currently] like and focus on what you *do* like.
I could probably write many pages on this but I'll stop here, having given you some food for thought. Enjoy.