Frustrated

Living the real life under lock and key
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curiouscaged
Posts: 12
Joined: Thu Nov 16, 2017 8:56 pm
Location: Los Angeles

Frustrated

Post by curiouscaged »

Hey, everybody. I'm new, both to this forum, and to the world of chastity in general. It's been a fetish of mine for a little while now and I broached the subject with my wife, who seemed cautiously curious about it. I purchased a couple of devices, one plastic and one metal, along with the "Guide for Keyholders" book. We looked through the book, but aside from one instance a month and a half ago, we haven't really used the cages at all.
My wife seems skeptical of the chastity thing, and downright baffled by the idea of orgasm denial (for me). I feel like I already used up all my courage just talking about it with her and buying the devices. I'm beginning to think that this is going to be a non-starter, which is unfortunate because it's a huge turn-on for me. If she were to get into it, even a little bit, I would be so excited. I'd love to share this with her.
But, of course, if one person is into something and the other isn't, you can't exactly force it. So things are likely going to stay a bit vanilla unless something changes.
Does anybody - male or female - have any suggestions about how to talk more about this? Or should I just throw the devices away and move on?
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Tullyboy
Posts: 245
Joined: Wed Nov 01, 2017 9:30 am

Re: Frustrated

Post by Tullyboy »

Would your wife be ok with you trying one on and just wearing it for yourself? My wife was also puzzled by it at first. She wanted to see it, but hesitated to even reach out and touch it. It’s taken a couple weeks for her to see that it won’t bite and to touch the cage for stimulation (in fact, last night was the first time that she rubbed me through the cage). My plan was just to put it on and keep wearing it until... I don’t know when. In that time, she got used to the idea that she controls my entry/exit but at first it was just me holding the key. (It took about a week before I was able to give all the keys to her).

However, we’re new to device based chastity as well, so this advice isn’t from years of experience. :)
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sirmebane
Posts: 647
Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2015 8:48 pm
Last orgasm: December 19th, 2021
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Re: Frustrated

Post by sirmebane »

Go slowly. Don't bring her in all at once. She'll be more accepting if you don't overwhelm her.

I have been playing the chastity game with my wife for a year and a half and she still doesn't get it. You'll find a recurring series of complaints from most guys...
  • She doesn't get it
    I can't explain it
    She doesn't tease me enough
    She needs to do this, that or the other thing (topping from the bottom)
Take it a step at a time, set goals together, slowly ask her to take control while you trust her with that control. Keeping reminding her, that it is "up to you, sweetheart."
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Barkis
Posts: 19
Joined: Thu Nov 16, 2017 4:40 am
Location: UK

Re: Frustrated

Post by Barkis »

Have you tried talking to your wife about what she might get from the experience? When I broached the subject with my wife at the start of this year, I was careful to a) keep the conversation light-hearted and suggest chastity as a bit of fun now and again rather than anything more serious, and b) point out all those things she could get me to do as a condition of being unlocked - housework, cooking dinner, etc etc.
Initially I was met with a look of incredulity, a mixture of surprise and puzzlement that seemed to say 'who the hell are you and what have you done with my husband?'. But then, after she'd had a few days to think about it, she started to suggest to me things she might demand while I'm locked up!
Of course, everyone is different and what works for one person won't necessarily work for another, but maybe there's something in my experience that might be useful to you. Anyway, good luck and I hope things work out for you.
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curiouscaged
Posts: 12
Joined: Thu Nov 16, 2017 8:56 pm
Location: Los Angeles

Re: Frustrated

Post by curiouscaged »

Thanks for the suggestions and encouragement. I’ll keep everybody updated on future developments.
By the way, if any women that are into male chastity could provide any tips, I’d appreciate it a lot. I feel like I should get a female perspective, too.
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sherulestherooster
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Re: Frustrated

Post by sherulestherooster »

You have to take it slow and realize that she may never be "into" it. After a while, my wife gave chastity a try and seemed to like the novelty of it and the idea that she had some control over me, and "proof" that I "behaved". We sorta had an agreement that whenever we were apart overnight, I would be locked, but she never really enforced that, and if I brought it up it felt like "topping from the bottom".

She actually seemed to prefer the honor system - so she was comfortable with denying me, but not locking up my bits.
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braddogg4345
Posts: 135
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Location: Southern California

Re: Frustrated

Post by braddogg4345 »

I would say the best thing to do is to show her the advantages that chastity provides for her. My wife was skeptical at first too. I think all keyholders are. The idea of a man wanting to have his penis locked in a cage is pretty strange.

But show her what you are willing to do to be unlocked. Do the housework, buy her gifts for no reason, listen to her, do what she asks of you, and put her sexual needs ahead of yours. Basically become her ideal husband. That's what I do, and my wife has gotten so accustomed to it, she tells me she doesn't know what she would ever do if I said I didnt want to do chastity anymore.
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